RALL

One Moment...

2012-01-30T22:03:00.001-05:00

It only takes only a moment, sometimes a split a second for life to hit you. My children are young, and our days are spent at home. Luk's day is: I teach, he learns, I correct, he learns, I play, he plays. Logan teaches me the value of moments every day when he says, "now you sit, momma, and play!" Now, what I find amazing is how many of these moments I had while being in Peru to see Compassion at its' best.

A picture captured one of those moments for Smith and me, it is a picture of a picture taken by the Compassion photographer.

It was at that moment that I realized 1) Smith thought he would never see me again. 2) This hug meant more to him than I realized. As I forced myself to stop crying, I pulled him back to look at his face, and it was covered in tears. I spontaneously brought him back into my arms crying harder. Through the translator I let him know I was coming back to see him in July. It was at that moment he realized I would be in his life more than just letters or more than just one visit.

As I plan our family trip in July, I wonder what moments will be in store for us on that trip. Luk and Smith meeting for the first time. Two young boys coming from different worlds. You see, I learned that our day together meant more than just a visit to the zoo, however it created a bond that will never be broken, a hope that will forever be engrained in his heart, and a peace knowing that an eternal God love him!

Cherish your moments. Every letter you write to your Compassion child is letter that brings a moment to them. Don't waste it! Just a moment brings a life time of change.

Check our Compassion's CEO new book "Just a Minute" here.

Confession

2012-01-17T09:49:00.000-05:00

My five year old has an idol!

In the mornings I have let Luk play on his DSi before doing his schoolwork. IF he does it without a hassle he gets to play again before nap. However, even with this I have noticed the attachment, and need to have it on him at all times.

Insert crazy hobbit:

This morning he got the warning to not ignore his brother and me over the DS. I will say I expected failure, and I was right. Within five minutes he was telling me wait, and telling his brother he was too busy. In comes momma looking over him waiting to get his attention. After about a minute he looks up at me, then looks back down, then back up again saying, "but wait..."

Those have been his famous last words for the past week. I hold out my hand, and immediate tears and surrendering occurs. My speech went something like this:

I have been telling you that when you play your DS you ignore me, your dad, and your brother, this is unacceptable. Do you know what you have turned this DS into? (a low whimper) a stumbling block?

Yes, but it has become an idol to you.

He began to sob.

I explained that such emotion over this has proven his attachment to it, and that it has become his devotion, his idol. He slowed his crying. I let him know that the DS was on lock down to only times that I give him to play instead of free time play.

I left the room.

I come back. "Luk, what is the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning?" Without hesitation in his normal tone, "my DS." We made eye contact, he knew.

It was a sad, but accomplished morning. We can make idols out of anything: work, money, television, house work, and for a five year old a DS, a toy... Our devotion and attachment, our reliance on these things, it's so very dangerous. Remember to guard your children's heart, love them in truth. It hurt to tell my son no to his DS and what it had become, but in the end he must know that his idols must leave their pedestals. They must go into a lesser priority, and we must magnify the Son. He needs to see how easy it is to create them.

Don't think that your children are too young to create an idol out of something. Don't let them think they are too young because when they do get a bit older they will wonder why it's an idol now, but it wasn't back when they had the same behavior before. What is your devotion to?

one thousand gifts

2012-01-16T23:58:00.000-05:00

one thousand gifts:

November 25, 2011 to January 16, 2012
0076/1000

1) Brothers, sons, below Him and His grace!

2) The anonymous gift of mulch

for our church playground.

3) Sick baby, chill of his juice, and tears.

Tantrums a grace warning that it's not just a common cold.

4) At the moment when your at your wits end after spending

two days with a sick temper tantrum child; remembering your

personal prayer for patience and hearing, "and I, find myself

here on my knees again, caught up in grace like an avalanche,

nothing compares to this love..." Thank you, Father, thank you!

5) The moment a hug begins, and you know you have an amazing

thing in your arms, a person made in the image of God!

6) Handsome Smith and his updated picture...

7) Quiet morning... The soothing of a pacifier and baby;

my baby letting me hold to the tunes of lullabies.

8) Libraries- They have walls of creativity and knowledge!

9) Two mornings in a row being asked to please

stay in bed to cuddle from Logan. I'm game!

10) The older teaching the younger...

11) A wall of past, present, & future LOVE!

12) A friend coming on her day off to bring me

coffee and a husband making breakfast...

13) Children's Department Christmas Party and

walking through our Advent lessons.

14) Our kiddos

15) It finally grew back *5 yr old humor*

16) Sewing a wiseman costume for a wee one,

thankful for my aunts' teaching me this family trade

17) Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast

18) Calm of the night, slow of the breath, joy in my heart.

19) My boys lying on my side of the bed, snuggled,

watching Bob & Larry... What an honor to be their mom!

20) The moments when my rambunctious temper tantrum filled baby becomes

quiet in awe of God's creation. It was a moment of incredible grace!

21) Loving his time with papa, missing our sick CooCoo

22) Breakfast with two of my boys.

23) Logan watching and listening to "Galaxies"

saying, "it's good song!"

24) Choosing to see Him everyday-

joy, thanksgiving, peace, grace abound!

25) Shapes- discovering, imaging, creativity

26) Creating prayer cards for Luka. Teaching

while learning myself to diligently pray!

27) He makes me laugh.

28) Precooking and freezing my meals cuts

dinner cooking time to 5 minutes!

29) His hands

30) no caption needed for this gift

31) Lazy, precious, always content with her momma.

32) Learning with friends

33) gathering together

34) imagining

35) becoming what you imagine

36) Building the mind

37) sharing

38) eating with friends

39) Books

40) A letter written by a boy countries away to
my boy, the start of a beautiful relationship!

41) Using his bath towel as a blanket. Comfort, warmth...

42) F ever warning, body forcing to the bed, now sitting on my
lap hugging like he when he was a baby. Precious moment!

43) He's ready for bed. Thanksgiving in a bed
and room he can call his own!

44) 88 keys to play a tune

45) the crisp of Bible pages

46) smell of bread out of the bag

47) hot water- it's process

48) welcoming front door

49) the sound of the awake

50) two year old warning signs

51) caring doctor

52) committed mom

53) a compassionate five year old

54) my new found patience level

55) my honesty

56) my ability to love

57) Luk sharing love

58) Logan accepting love

59) Reson's "worker bee" mind

60) Logan understanding

61) Logan taking medicine calmly

62) Luk caring for Logan

63) morning with no migraine

64) Reson's listening

65) warm house

66) the smell of work

67) enough, Lord, just enough

68) peanut butter and jelly

69) soft bed

70) letters sent with love

71) caring pastor and wife

72) organization

73) prayerful husband

74) brothers/friends

75) the mess from the day

76) the stack of homeschool folders

Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, friendship, and life together by Mark & Grace Driscoll Book Review

2012-01-09T18:14:00.001-05:00

The new book "Real Marriage" by Mark and Grace Driscoll is an in depth book about some of the hard truths in marriage. The idea is that we must submit, end selfishness, and trust another human being with every aspect of our hearts. This of course seems like an impossibility in a fallen world; but when putting Christ in the forefront of your marriage the impossible becomes a reality. The couple targets friendship, abuse, sex, and truth in a real marriage, while seeking to help the warped marriage idea of America today.

For the Book Sneeze "My Reaction" go to the end.

The book divides into three parts:
- MARRIAGE
- SEX
- THE LAST DAY

For a person who learned through her parents that friendship is key in a marriage, my favorite chapter in the book is chapter two, "Friends with Benefits." I think this simple fact gets thrown out the window in today's society, and working with the youth of today, a main reason they use to not date someone is because they will NEVER date a friend. I suggest this is a bad philosophy to practice, and the Driscolls do a great job reiterating why this is so important to a marriage. The idea behind the chapter is seeing people marry that weren't even in love, but came together after marriage and steward a friendship unbreakable. The friendship opens door for love, companionship, fun, and a truth that other marriages lack.

The Marriage portion of the book encourages friendship, challenges men to stop being boys and be men, and encourages women to not see submissiveness and respect for a husband as weak, but rather attractive and commendable. They work out woman who suffer from sexual abuse, men that battle depression and anger issues, and in the last chapter "Taking Out the Trash" suggest that being real with your spouse creates healing, bonding, and understanding.

The second portion begins a new era for "sex talk" in the Christian church. I remember thinking that "S-e-x" was not something we talked about out loud, or the teacher would go insane over the word. However, we see Mark and Grace attack this word unashamedly knowing that people ARE talking about it. They know the controversy that lies behind many sexual taboos, and they hit many with these three questions in the most controversial book chapter 10:
- Is it Lawful?
- Is it Helful?
- Is it Enslaving?

The third and last portion creates a large application for a marriage. What will your last day of marriage look like? The first is a bang with partying, dresses, cake, and family, but how will it end? There is an in depth questionnaire that follows.

MY REACTION:
I could say that there was a scripture that I really wished they would have talked of more (Ephesians 5- The body of Christ, Christ (bridegroom) and the church (His bride), but really if you want a great theological review look to Denny Burk. I see his points, I agree with many, but I do think that I would recommend the book to couples as a chapter-by-chapter marriage study. I would also see the maturity level of each individual couple before recommending. There are people with different backgrounds, struggles, and sexual knowledge, however I believe in talking through books like this not avoiding them strictly because of one chapter. The tenth chapter does give headings to each sexual act talked of, and can easily be skipped if the couple chooses to do so. The book was encouraging, given much thought, and is gospel-driven. The Driscolls church at the highest non-churched city in the U.S., they hear unimaginable questions, and they strive to answer and deal with this type of congregation with much love and hard truth. The book should be looked at in this light, too. I think it will help many, but can see were Denny thinks it can hurt others. Again, you and your spouse know your relationship, your Christian walk maturity, so before reading, pray about it. If you don't know Mark, read his biography, listen to some of his sermons, you will quickly learn he is not a sugar coating pastor. You can learn for yourself if you will even be interested in any book he writes. This goes the same for if you aren't a fan of Francis Chan (what?!) or David Platt (huh?!), you know the writer, you know their voice, determine if the read will benefit you or not. I enjoyed it, found parts difficult to read, but overall found that the couple's heart is to encourage, help, and teach scripture truthfully in an area so widely ignored!

You can get the book at The Resurgence - the proceeds through buying here goes to the church ministry not the Driscolls.

One Word 2012

2012-01-03T20:14:00.000-05:00

Do you have a theme for the upcoming year? A single word that you focus on to transform your thought... your moment...

Joy

I have chosen this word because seeking joy in this life is a challenge. We are immersed in materialism, when owning things is far more important than the truth behind that mentality. However, it is highly possible to find joy when you look to the right things. The joy is found in His words, His promise.

There have been two experiences in my life that have helped me better SEE that the Gospel is all I need to find JOY:
1) reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp
2) meeting Smith (part 1/part 2)

In reading Ann's book, I learned to focus, to SEE all my gifts (good and bad), view it, SEE it all as grace, and it is through this that thanksgiving comes and produces joy. Yet, it was in meeting Smith that he taught me what true joy meant. It's hard to explain, really. Just look.

SEE!

A squatter home on the top of a very steep hill... joy

four walls with tarp roof, no floor... joy

a sponsor for his sister, her daughter... joy

a simple sinner living a selfish life in the United States giving sacrificially because really he is mine, she is mine, they are mine... joy

It was a moment of complete humility that joy surrounded my heart, and has still to leave. SEEing the gospel, the love of God play out in a developing country, and knowing that apart of my family is living in joy brings joy. You see poverty is a lack of hope. My boy, my girl, my Peruvian sister don't lack hope anymore! Compassion gives me this opportunity to seek a joy I didn't know I could have, and it gives my beautiful family the opportunity to experience joy.

The year has begun, where do you find your joy? It was through the word of God that I found You see through the gospel, loving my brothers and sisters, giving, diligently praying, and seeking His will brings an ultimate joy. A joy that is unexplainable. A joy that is found in floorless roofless house. A joy that is found in the midst of heart ache. A joy that stays embedded in your inner most self no matter the circumstances.

The word of God spreading to the nations because all joy comes from His love, His sacrifice, His omnipotence.

A year of Joy! Do you SEE it!?

I Celebrate the Day

2011-12-14T09:43:00.003-05:00

It's the music in the background playing as he lays to sleep that captivates my heart. The song has played in our car numerous years as my husband's Christmas favorite, yet for the first time as I sing it to my baby I begin to whimper in the dark room.

The piano begins striking me as usual, but this time the words hit me harder than usual. God, are you seeing me as the same from last year. I would say, "no!" You have chipped away at parts of me that I didn't want chipped. You have plucked things out from me that I would have preferred left in. You even tore down walls around my heart that I give thanksgiving for. The walls of misunderstanding, the walls of naivety to what I assumed, and You gave me a new heart for a people I didn't really know I could have.

I learned to throw away my perceptions on appearances, on love, on gratitude... on joy.

It has been a year of transformation in my life and with new convictions surfacing over moments. One of the greatest thanks is giving me a husband so full of understanding and sensitivity to these changes in my heart.

Was it the words of what You realized?

And the first time, that You opened your eyes

Did you realize that You would be my Savior

And the first breath, that left Your lips

Did You know that it would change this world forever

The words create a lump in my throat because I wonder, what did He fully know that night? Did He fully comprehend His fully man, fully God nature? Did He know that night?

Did He?

Every night reading scripture leading up to this moment God's plan was so divine, so holy, so planned. From the beginning before He was born from the virgin He knew that He would come down to be the ultimate sacrifice, but once placed here on the earth did He know? What does a fully man/fully God nature know at infancy? I believe He knew because the favor of God was upon Him.

However, those were not the part of the song that got me weeping on my nearly asleep two year old. It was the sound of sleigh bells, the strokes of the keys, and these words:

To look back and think that

This baby would one day save me

In the hope that what You did

That you were born so that I might really live

To look back and think that

This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day

That You were born to die

So I could one day pray for You to save my life

We forget. We read scripture of Christ as a man, and we forget that HE IS MAN! He was tempted; He was a laborer; He had friends; He had brothers; He was PERFECT! He came as a baby. Even though his parents knew what he would become they still did not understand who HE really was. He is, I AM!

It's hard to imagine that I celebrate the day that He was born to die so that I could pray for Him to cleanse me from my sin, so that I could pray for Him to save me from myself. I proclaim my observation of this day. It's not about a man in a red suit eating cookies and milk. No, I celebrate a day that God came down fully man/fully God to trade his righteousness for shame. This is truth. It is a truth that makes me weep over my baby. I weep over the words that make me remember.

God continue to mold me into your imagine. Forgive me for not remembering. Thank you for your grace, your mercy, your love! You are holy; You are just; You are GOD!

If you haven't heard this song, here it is:

Last Christmas I gave you a net...

2011-12-13T12:00:00.000-05:00

I remember this time last year reading, praying, and wanting to change my life during the Christmas season. I was sick of the hustle and bustle of gift giving, angry people, and just the loss of focus that materialism had on me, friends, family, and those surrounding me.

It was a time for change.

It was a time for action.

I glanced at the wall in my living room smiling at my boys...

I remember swooping Luk into my arms, sitting on the couch, and starting browsing our catalog.

"What do you think? We could do a cow?

Or two goats?

Or we could do 10 nets? What do you think?"

"What else is there?"

"School supplies, immunizations (shots), helping start a new business"

"I think we should do nets."

"Why do you want to do the nets?" (I was secretly hoping for the small business launch for moms.)

"Well, I don't like being bit by mosquitos. It gets itchy, it hurts, and I don't want that to happen to the people."

Then it occurred to me that my then four year old related to people from a different nation. We began discussing how the bite can cause more than just an itch and red spot, but a sickness called Malaria that was killing people when there was a cure for it! It's never too young to explain that life is not just how you experience it, but the way it effects the nations. Last Christmas, we bought ten nets, ten or more saved by a sheer netting that prevented a bite.

This year, I don't know.

Will we give a safe water to a family for their entire life?

I don't know. I'm hoping that a Smith's precious sister will be registered so that we can sponsor her. After all their mother promised and held me tight at the thought back in September. I don't know.

I do know that our boys got extra gifts from us, and I wonder what the letter will share. Their birthdays were filled with new shoes to trek through miles on the graveled road and rainforest terrain to get to their church, sweaters to brave the cold, and food to ease the hunger pains. What will Christmas bring to them?

Do you have a heart of compassion for the people? Do you see that giving up that Dance Star Mickey will save six children? When we realize that our children can absorb compassion from young childhood and they want to save someone his or her age, what a gift! What a lesson you giving!

Give the gift of compassion this year because the beauty in this gift giving is that not only will you be changed but so will our people!

My Holiday Spirit: Laden

2011-12-08T12:56:00.000-05:00

My house is anything but quiet today; it is anything but quiet on most days. Inside is the ring of talk, screaming, and the evening snores at the end of a hectic day. There are moments that I pause, the holiday season speeding by not waiting for me to catch up, and I wonder what I am doing wrong? I stare at our Christmas Tree laden with the Word, to be weighed down, to draw water! Isn’t that what the Word does? It draws everlasting water to our thirsty souls. To find that HE is the only one to quench that drought that tries to dwell in our inner most being. It battles with the Holy Spirit while our sin tries to spread through out vessels so that we can feel like we will NEVER have healing.

I stop for once to just listen to the music playing, and I am reminded of the beauty behind the keys, and it brings me back to just listening, "The Promise." The song’s name and I can’t help be thing of the Ultimate Promise that has been the focus of each night before laying in bed,

There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit. And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD. And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD. Is 11:1-3

I close my eyes, and I just listen to that promise, the only one that can bring truth to my life. What am I doing wrong, when I lose my temper, when I complain, or when I just don’t want to deal with the chaos? I crank up the music that I have been ignoring for some time, "Waiting Here For You" the keys each touching a part of me that I want to refine, I need to refine because deep down I know what a failure I am without Him.

One evening, I am told I love the younger more than older. Pain sears my heart from the mouth of a child, he later apologizes saying,

“I know you love me!”

It’s hard for me to believe he believes it.

“Do you, do you know?” Heart aching knowing I know!

“Yes, because you have the Holy Spirit living inside you!”

Silence, water filling in my weary eyes, what? The saying out of the mouth of babes, but I know that there is only One that is gracious enough to let those words spill out of his mouth. Then the Lord opens my eyes to His desire to use me. I don’t understand it, nor do I try because within it all lies a woman broken and fallen. It is a woman that loses her temper, cries in defeat, and I grumble at my circumstance. Then I read the words,

“God appoints people who do disappoint – to point to a God who never disappoints.”

Yes, Lord. My only desire that through it ALL it ALL points to You!

I go to the Word so that it may laden my soul,

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy; you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy. 1 Peter 1:13-16

I go knowing that my soul will be weighed down in truth, that my spirit will remember that GRACE will be given to me through Christ. THE PROMISE!

He will come from the line of Jesse.

He will present rest to the Spirit of the Lord.

He will be wise and full of understanding.

He will give counsel and might.

He will have knowledge.

He will fear the Lord!

He will delight in the fear of the Lord!

As His obedient child I strive to fight the conformity of my past, and my passion is to be holy through HIM! Lord, what am I doing wrong in all this? I know. I start to conform to the old me: self-reliance, self-seeking, SELF. What I’m doing wrong is not remembering YOU reliance, YOU seeking, YOU!

I don't refine, He refines!

Thank you, Lord for your promise, your use of me, and for letting me disappoint to point to you! Thank you for your constant wisdom, understanding, counsel, might, knowledge, and example of fear. Thank you for loving me enough laden my spirit, for drawing me to your water, and for calling me to your purpose!

Continue to shine, Lord.

Continue to convict, Lord.

Continue to give grace, Lord.

I would be concerned with my life if this weren’t the case.

Thanksgiving Day

2011-11-29T23:28:00.001-05:00

As apart of 4H Country Clovers, I signed Luk up to work the Community Thanksgiving Meal. It was something that we were planning to do, but with being a member of 4H it gave Luk a community service event for his club. My husband stayed outside taking Logan to the playground while Luk and I stayed behind handing out rolls for the take out orders that were being made.

When I look at our live, I look for the thanksgiving in it all, it is through this that true joy is exhibited in our lives. I want to have a life of joy, and it is through these times to give for what I have been given that my cup runneth over.

Lord, thank you for giving me thanksgiving, joy, love!

Here is our time of service (thanks Send Me Missions for the photos)

Our Tree covered in Truth

2011-11-28T20:41:00.000-05:00

It's a life of thanks (eucharisteo) when we immerse ourselves in thanks for what He has given to us because when we acknowledge that "all is grace," joy fills your life. Our house made the decision to make Christmas more meaningful, more than the lights, more than the gifts, but a time to just reflect on Him. "A Jesus Advent Celebration" where everyday we are reminded of His truth that He has left for us.

Last year, we started slowly with just reading the book daily, making the tree full of our pictures, and giving to through the Compassion catalog. This year we continue with this, with some new traditions added on.

Our Cradle to Cross Wreath: Our journey to the center of His birth and the truth behind Christmas. As Logan gets older we will be moving to the candles, but for now his overly grabby hands have turned our wreath into our picture holder.

Then our tree, it took a downsize as far as height and girth, but the message surrounding it has grow in measures. We have covered our little Alpine with truth from Scripture. The message of His life from "in the beginning..."

Tonight, we surround our tree with truth. We surround our thoughts of His truth.

The Journey of a Life Time

2011-11-21T10:23:00.001-05:00

If you've read my posts in the past you should know that meeting Smith left an indentation on this heart of mine. You can't come from something like that and not be. Everyday I wait for a letter, everyday I pray for a beautiful mother trying to make a living, everyday I pray for the phone call that his sister will be sponsored by me... everyday these children are spoken from this tongue. I can't stop talking about them because on a mountain in Peru they sit, waiting to walk to the church for a meal, waiting for the job to supply, yet knowing that there is a family in Florida loving them from afar. They know that more importantly there is a God that loves them. They know that. It was something I made sure to ask. I knew before I left in that cab.

I have never cared to ask a person point blank before... that aspect of me has changed. My desire for people to know Christ has really changed. There is no life without this knowledge. I want to spend eternity with this family, with you! Compassion International is the real deal when it comes to integrity, the child, their families, and most importantly making sure these children, their families hear the gospel message.

Missions in Action is an interactive web series that was created with the purpose to make a difference around the world. The team is:

traveling around the world to identify problems that people are facing.
highlighting the actions that individuals and/or companies are taking to help those in need.
providing a way for viewers to help out.

Here Missions in Action takes a closer look in the Philippines at what Compassion does through your sponsorship.

Your sponsorship really does make a difference, I cannot stress that enough! Through Compassion you can give a family opportunities they wouldn't have had before. There are people around them willing to help them! They have volunteers that teach, cook, and maintain the church just for your Compassion child. They get it! They know that this is more important than a paying job. They know that the reward in serving their community is more important than ignoring the problems. They want to make a difference for their people. Give them that opportunity! They love God, they love His people, and they are working diligently to make Him known!

I can only say so much because you will not experience the blessing until you put yourself out there. Cut out the cable, cut out the eating out, cut out that coffee at Starbucks because when you do there is a family like the one in the video that will be changed because of what God has allowed you to do! When you submit to His call, the reward is incredible.

JOY, UNSPEAKABLE, JOY!

12 Years ago...

2011-10-21T10:59:00.001-04:00

In two days my husband and I will be celebrating 12 years of being together.

It was the day that he asked me to be his girlfriend after a few months of writing letters and being friends. This is back when being friends was not hugging, kissing, holding hands, but friends that told each other everything, laughed, and cried together. We would write each other letters even within this friendship, and just recently I found them. Each letter I opened earnestly wondering when he wrote them, what it said, and each letter still giving me chills as I read them.

There is irony in many of them as we have been through some messy things with each other since the letter writing, yet I see the beauty in the mess that once was because it created quite the dynamic for us. Even though I didn't see it this way, there was beauty in that pain, and it rose and developed into the person that Christ has made me today. Reson and I have discussed how we are not the same people we married nine years ago, and that is a good thing! However, I can still see a resemblance of the character.

This is the beauty in the covenant of marriage to grow with one person who sees you for who you are: the ugly, the sad, the beautiful, the happy.

It is sharing the sanctification of God's work in your life that you can share with the closest person to you. A marriage that can blossom through the hurt because each thing begins to define you.This past week I found our wedding invitations, an unfinished letter to my future husband (that he read for the first time last night), and other moments that are far in the past.

Over the past several months Reson has been working late hours at his job, and each day was getting harder and harder for him to connect with our boys and at moments with me. The light at the end of the tunnel was not so bright or visible until this week. After much prayer, fasting, and tears God has again proven His faithfulness to our family. Each night this week Reson coming home at 5:00pm, sharing dinner with us, and playing with our boys another reminder that his absence was draining. Dinner has never been so emotional in our house... at least for me anyways. The moment of praying together (the four of us), laughing at Logan's silly manners, and that moment when we all finish and Luk asks if he wants to play.

In just a nine days my husband will be ordained as a minister, and I am again reminded of God's faithfulness to us during this dark season. My husband has been diligently seeking God's will for his life, and it brings me such a peace knowing he seeks Christ for all his decisions. In 12 years I have seen a high school teenager turn into an amazing man of God. I am incredibly grateful that he is not the man I married; I have loved seeing the changes that God has created in him; I am still madly in love with my best friend.

Marriage is such a remarkable institution, and there are many people that don't value that. God, thank you for reminding daily that beauty will rise from the ashes! The gift that you have given me in Reson is one that I will never understand. Your orchestration of giving me my best friend to be my husband is something that I forever cherish...

Through the children, through loss of one, through the heart ache, and through the joy... You have willingly let me share that with a person that knows me better than anyone else. Thank you for the gift of marriage, companionship, love... when you said that it was not good for man to be alone and created woman... thank you for having YOUR story include us.

Trusting in Him and him

2011-10-18T10:56:00.001-04:00

In just five days my husband and I will be celebrating 12 years of togetherness. It was then that my very good friend asked me to be his girlfriend. This past weekend I spent time cleaning my parents garage, and I came across a familiar box. Inside was a treasure, a goldmine, it held the start of my relationship with my husband. There were letters dated back to when we were just friends, to the night after he asked me to be his, our first kiss, and mention from our first fight. There was also a familiar book sitting next to the box it was our marriage counseling book with each of our thoughts and answers.

I look back at the time, and am reminded how much our love has grown, how with each letter I read I was still making me blush from his words, and that my love for him is an intense choice. Through times of dishonesty, miscarriage, and moments of the unknown my trust in Him, my Father has given me the opportunity to be a woman for Him. Through trusting in Him I can trust in the other him in my life, my husband.

The phone calls and talks asking about what to do about work, school, church, children the list can go on, but as I reflect on our 12 years I have given up much of myself to serve an almighty God who has flourished my marriage. Everyday I take steps to give it all up. Is that not what He has done for us?

In a world were being a woman means to be self sufficient, independent, and career based, it is hard to give all control of occupation to my husband. However, everyday I am reminded on the blessings it gives to my family.

It helps us keep into perspective the role that God placed for both of us.

My sons are getting to witness my failures, my repentance, and my strengths.

I am getting so see the way my boys tick.

I find the importance on embracing God's will for my life.

I've learned that unless I have a strong reservation in something I have complete trust in my husband's decisions about everything. It used to be that I would figure out where I stood on the matter, but now I acknowledge when I have a "I don't know" moment I give it up to both hims.

This has proven to be the hardest. When looking through our 9 year old marriage counseling books I found that I struggle with many of the same things I mentioned in that book, but I am in a different stage of struggle with it. Reson and I both acknowledge back then that He was the one that yielded and I was the winner in conversations...

We both laughed as we have clearly seen a change in that area. God's love for us has changed us from the people that we were when we dated and married. We are grateful for these changes because we were disgustingly messy, still are, but our quirks are being chipped away by our Father. Each season bringing a new thing to chip, each moment resting in His goodness, and each tick learning that choosing to see is the reason for our joy.

Lord, thank you for your love for us as your children. Thank you for your grace and mercy because of this you reveal our inefficiencies and bring sanctification. In this you show us that we are not forgotten and loved!

More of the unexpected

2011-09-26T22:44:00.003-04:00

Sunday, our church hosted a Compassion Sunday, and I was out of my comfort zone sharing the work that Compassion International does and meeting Smith. 7 out of the 11 children were sponsored that morning, and it was a precious moment! But what has really been unexpected is how much I miss Smith. Cooking time is just not the same as I prepare the meals, I think to myself... there's plenty here for four more. As I look at my warm house, I think of their cool winter, and I have comfy warm beds in my house. I can't stop thinking about him and his family.

There is a significant void in my heart, that I just can't shake away. After Compassion Sunday, I told my husband, "I really miss him today!" How can I miss someone that I only spent seven hours with?

How can I miss Gabriela who I only met for an hour or two?

How can I miss hundreds of Compassion children all over Peru.

My heart is aching over this. I am sad over it. I am sitting here crying (the ugly cry) over it.

Then another unexpected hit me. My husband and I tuned into the Live Link for Passion, and the very last song hit me so hard. It is one I have listened to, meditated over before my trip, but tonight was the first time I heard it after the trip. I'm sobbing over it. It is Christy Nockel's "Waiting Here for You."

"If faith can move the mountains, let the mountains move.

We come with expectation waiting here for you."

That's as far as I got, and the puddles of tears started flowing. Uncontrollable, there was no warning, I knew the song was coming, just in a matter of words I was undone. As I moved up on that mountain to Smith's house I was expecting the most amazing thing from God, and He delivered it to me. How more could that apply to me. Literally!

I knew that there were some songs already that gathered a new meaning to me because I listened to them on the plane ride home. It was specifically Shaun Groves' "Third World Symphony" album. I can't explain it because it is indescribable to know a song, and it tear you apart within moments. I usually choke up, and I know it's coming. This is different as the tears just flow with no hesitation at all. Oh Smith, Gabriela, Edita... you are missed more than you will ever comprehend because I myself can't even put it into words.

Lord, I don't know my next step. You are the author of all things that must happen to fulfill YOUR story. You tell me "when," "where," and "how." I don't already know the "why." Fill this void in my heart because right now at this very moment the pain I have is a deafening scream in inner most being.

Peru: The unexpected

2011-09-21T12:06:00.001-04:00

Friday was a day for painting the child development center aka the church, but the difference was that one group was going to a center that we hadn't been to. I wanted to go to that one... it is in close proximity to where Smith's center was. I wanted to be able to go so that I could just see the type of area it was in.
I knew that was going to be the closest I would get on this trip, so I asked if I could join the other group, and the leaders graciously said, "yes!"

As the bus pulls through the tiny streets of town, I know we are there. He walks these streets, and his project is very near.

It felt good just to be in the general area, taking pictures of the close buildings, and thinking to myself this is quite gloomy and crowded then other areas...

The church is inviting as always with children welcoming us to their prized church, and again I am humbled by their spirits. They are a people of Christ that love His people, and I wanted to embrace that with my ever being.

We began painting the classrooms with the Christian tunes playing in the backround, and I remember thinking I just want this to bring smiles to the children's faces. If there is anyone that deserves a new painted room it was these kids and volunteers that spend hours doing God's work.

It was a fun time with the girls, singing, and looking so beautiful in our hair nets. I won't lie the church staff really enjoyed laughing at us when they saw us in the nets... yeah, they poked fun at the white folk. It was cute. There's a stigma in American not to poke fun for fear of hurting feelings, but it was great to be with people you just met that felt comfortable joking with us. It brought comfort to the room as the day went on.

Then something unexpected happened. Our group had just finished painting our room and washing the brushes when I started heading down to the dining hall. I'm not sure what my intent was... I can't really tell you why I went down there because I didn't know that lunch was happening in mere minutes, but Liz called me over telling me that Soledad had something to talk to me about.

**Did she find out if I could sponsor Smith's sister? Did we figure out why her mother hadn't registered her?** This was my thought process as I was walking towards her because I had given her the information this morning to find out what I could do to get her. I heading to the kitchen were she was helping fry the chicken. "So, after lunch the facilitator is going to take to you to see Smith, his project, and his house. Caroli will go with you, if that is okay?"

WHAT?! Did she just tell me I would see Smith again? Let's just say that Sole got a huge hug and thanks from me... with the response, "Yea, that's okay! Wow!" As I walked out of the kitchen in disbelief Liz stopped me and explained how hard it was to keep that secret from me, but my smile was worth it.

I was going to see Smith again... I was going to get to see his project... I would get to see his house!!! Holy smokes... was this really happening. Rachel and I sat together at lunch, but I couldn't eat. There was just too much excitement running through my veins. God's blessing was pouring down on me at a rate that was too much for my mind to process. The church showed a power point presentation, and I only remember Rachel saying, "This will be the longest power point ever." She was right. I remember sighing a lot, and her just nodging me and placing her hand on my legs that were shaking uncontrollably. Robyn on the other side rubbing my back.

Rachel volunteered to come along to take pictures of the exchange, and I am forever indebted to her for that. It is amazing how a friendship is formed when God is pouring Himself into your being and the blessing is so big you can't contain it.

Oh... the blessings that happened in those couple of hours...

The drive was short with a taxi ride. The 18 blocks only seemed like 10, but we thought how would anyone know where they are going in this area. There were no street signs, no direct things that would have stuck in my mind...

As we got down from the car, the project was quiet, and the project facilitators greeted one another and guided us into their church. The flight of stairs were short, and we walked up the hall... and there he was in his class. His seat was in perfect position to be seen from the door!

He was in the middle of eating lunch, and his classmates were so welcoming and precious to meet. He introduced me to his friends that sat next to him.

His tutor showed me his school work, and the things that they had been working on over the course of the year. The pages draped with the word, "Bien!" "Good!"

I was proud of how well he was doing in school. I asked the tutor, "Is he usually this quiet, or is it because I am here with him?" With excitement in her voice she responsed, "Yes, he is very quiet. He is the angel of the classroom, and I put him with the boys that talk a lot because I know that he will quiet them done to pay attention."

Isn't that what a mom wants to here from a teacher!? It warmed my heart, and it was this picture that shares my reaction to that news.

Then I was asked if I would like to visit his home, and before I could even answer Smith was vigorously nodding his head yes. How could I even imagine saying "no" to that!

His tutor came with us as we looked at all the other classrooms in the church, and were told about the new room the pastor had built for a sewing class for their life skills. It was through the tour that we learned that the project had only been open for five years, and that I was the first sponsor to visit their project. Rip of the heart, as the blessings kept coming, He was closer.

It was then that we made it back downstairs, and I was greeted by the kitchen staff. What happened in that brief meeting was... beyond me as I was drowned in compliments on my beauty, my smile, and then she spoke... "She is a sponsor? To who? Smith???" I nod unsure of what is to come next... "If anyone deserves a you it is him! He is such a wonderful boy; he is my neighbor!" Tears welling up as I hear this.

Smith's neighbor to the far left. Tutor hugging me.

Why? Why did God bring me this blessing? I am so unworthy of this treatment. I am just me. A person washed by the blood of Christ, seeking repentance for my sin. Why was he giving me this blessing? I just couldn't understand it, and reflecting back on it... I still don't get it.

The facilitators begin showing me the office, and the life skills of beading that they are doing in the project. I knew because just the day before he shared with me a bracelet that his project had made, but they still kept giving me things to have. I graciously received them, and the rip in my heart grew larger. I was not sure I could take anymore.

Then it happened, God made me confront a fear of mine in pursuit of His blessings... it was time to get in a taxi and climb up that mountain. If you are familiar with me... you may know that I am NOT a fan of one lane bridges. They are usually crossed with my eyes closed, and me gripping the "Holy Crap Bar."

Here I was... tightly squeezed in the middle of a small taxi.

Smith's home was at the top, and as we were going up "God's work" kept coming out of Rachel's mouth. I thought to myself if I was ever ready to die it was at this moment. I was willing to give up life to make it up this mountain with Smith. I was going to see his house! How I even thought that is really something that surprised even me, but it is truth. I was comfortable making this journey because I knew at the top of this mountain God was going to do something amazing, and I was NOT going to miss out on it!

His mother greeted us at the top, apologizing to me about her humble home, and I couldn't stop her fast enough! God calls us to be humble, and she was doing the best with what she had. I was honored to be present at this very moment. She was first setting out chairs outside the house, when the facilitator asked if we could enter... She hesitated, but allowed us into their home. There was no door, just a curtain separating us from the chill of the winter. It was then that I was surprised by a man sitting next to Gabriela. Who was this? They didn't mention him yesterday when I found out his father left his mother for another woman... Who has this man?

It was her nephew sent to stay and help her by her brother (his father). Darwin came to live with them just a short month ago. Look at that picture... do you see his protection over Gabriela? Rip in my heart further. God was providing someone to help them more than me! Rip, as I saw his love for his cousins.

Peace in my heart from the night before wondering how she was going to make it alone with the two kids.

I asked about Gabriela. Was she going to be registered into the Compassion Program? There again hesitation in her answer... the facilitators telling her that the registration was coming up in October. I look at Caroli (translator), and tell her, "Tell her if she does it she will be have a sponsor because I will sponsor her." Caroli's eyebrows raised (I wonder if she was trying to hold back what was about to be shared by the room), and tells the group. It was in that moment the house was loud with applause and "ooohhhhs."

It was at that moment that Edita (Smith's mom) sprang at me with the greatest hug I could have asked for. I knew where Smith had learned it from. It was then that she opened her heart to me. She was no longer holding back from me like she was the day before and moments before. Edita learned to trust me in one short sentence. Ripped to one final strip still holding my heart together.

When God presents you with a blessing you hold on to it with everything you can, and you embrace it through the pain... because pain is bound to pop up... I know it!

Gabriela, the love I have for you is beyond explanation. You will never understand it. Just like your brother won't, but I tell you your family is mine. You are loved by an almighty God, and a 27 year old girl from Florida.

Her hug is more genuine than before. I wonder what her thoughts are on this moment in her life. I know that today was an unexpected visit, but what will are reunion be like in July. Will she have a greater hope of Christ? Will she still feel encouraged by our bound that God has given us? My husband shared that the trip was meant just for me to go. Edita needed just me. A woman broken and full of mistrust needed a sisterhood that I had no idea about. I thought God put me in Smith's life for him, but I'm beginning to see that it was his mom that needed me. Smith and Gabriela have a wonderful beautiful mother, who just needs a sister to give her the hope of Christ.

In appreciation and love for me Edita shares with me her trade... Hawaiian necklaces. I don't want to take them as I know her income will be effected, but how could I deny her the blessings that God has given to be for giving to them. I couldn't. So, I take them...

It's good-bye for now, until July. There are no tears this time because with this visit came trust that I will be back to love on my extended family. They are mine. God gave me the gift to be apart of their life, and I can't keep living life not seeing them.

The ride down is easier than the ride up, and we are back down the hill to the other project.

It's later that the final rip happened in my heart. God came then. I find out from the project we painted at that Edita only makes 5 soles ($2.50) for 1,000 necklaces. She cuts the flowers out, strings each piece together, and she gave me 20... I sit back and cry. This is receiving from a person with true gratitude. I am put in my place, I am humbled, and I see God right there with me. I am broken, but not beyond repair. He is there piecing me back together... because now I have a story about His glory. I have to share it forever and ever. My God... His blessings are good, painful, and overpowering.

"Presuming "God's blessings" are always enjoyable and happy-makers

is like presuming surgery will be pain free and fun."

- Scotty Smith

"Joy weakens me like a wound. Oh, You're coming closer and it's hard to take in that

I have wasted so much fear and devotion. But there's no time left for my regrets

when You're calling." - Further Up/Further In- My Epic

I am forever changed. I see God through the pain, the joy, the fear, and most of all I see God because I really understand what it means to say, "all is grace..."

**Thank you to Sole from the Peru Compassion Office for letting God use you to bless me. I still don't understand why God blessed me this way, but I will embrace it and glorify His name!**

Peru: Meeting Smith

2011-09-20T13:40:00.003-04:00

Women... You know when you have had enough of being pregnant, and you just want to meet your baby. But then you get frightened because you have NO idea what that child is going to be like. They will likely be completely opposite of your first born, or if it's your first they could be a complete tyrant (this goes for Logan). You wonder just what kind of child God has in store for you.

I sat listening to Sean (Tour Leader) talk about what to "expect," which was to just enter into the whole situation with no expectations. I failed at that because after the past few days I was expecting the mighty hand of God to be over the whole experience, and I KNEW it was going to be good. However, I was wrong...

it was incredibly better than that!!!

As we approached the zoo, I began to uncontrollably sob. At that very moment all I wanted was to have my husband with me. He is the one that is good with conversation, good with children and teens, and most of all good with people he has never met. I was terrified. I wanted him there as a buffer, and I couldn't control the tears. I regrouped, and walked what seemed like the longest entrance to a zoo, but I'm sure it was just the nerves behind it all. As we make our way to the entrance there they all stood, and soon children were running to their sponsors. I looked around thinking, these are all girls... where is Smith? Soon after just a minute those that were alone filed out of the commotion looking around at one another.

Sole (Peru-Tour Leader) said, "come this way, there are more children over here." However, before I could go any further three people began to approach me, and I looked and I knew it was him. I said, "Smith!" Needless to say, that was the end of it. He ran to me, I dropped to one knee, and received the greatest and longest hug I have ever had.

He begins chasing the birds as we wait to get in, and I am pleasantly surprised to find out that his mom is the person that came with him. His letter writing was usually vague about her, but mentioned his father in each as being sick.

My eyes are puffy and swollen from the tears, and all I can do is stare at him. I can't believe he is right there in front of me. You know that he exists, you read his letters, but to feel the embrace is so overwhelming that I can't stop myself from watching him.

I excuse myself in from the start because I know that the camera will not stop, but it did. I just wanted to see him do his thing. I wanted him to enjoy the zoo because this was a treat for him as it was for me. I'm not sure that I still believe this happened... it just seemed surreal...

He enjoys his new binoculars, the taste of cotton candy, and the adventure of using my camera. All the while I just watch in disbelief.

He loves his mom.

I love his mom, and I all I can do is thank her for sharing him with me because I know it takes a big heart to do what is best for your child. She has one. A heart that will walk down a steep mountain to send him to school and Compassion everyday, a heart that works tremendous hours to supply what she can, and a big heart to let an American woman love him like her own.

I ask for a video for my family, and he is a natural in front of the camera!

The day is half over, and I hate the thought of leaving him and his mom. I just want to go with him, yet we must part buses to go eat lunch. He thinks that he is leaving for good, and begins to panic. We ease his anxiety when we say we will share lunch together. After our meal together he shared his dessert with me, and we went to play in the clubhouse... that proved to be dangerous for me anyways!

Once we finished the adventures of the slide and the ball attack, I shared the gifts that I had for him. His gratitude and smile was something that I had never experienced before. They were things that I thought would be of help: tarp, utensils, towels, wash clothes, clothes, hats, ball, frisbee.... and his appreciation for the items was more than I bargained for. With each item that was pulled out of the bag came one of his hugs... and they spoke for themselves. In one post I put how Christ was coming nearer and nearer He was getting there... just not yet...

His love for me was more than I could have ever imagined. A woman with God as her expectation, and He was demolishing it one hug, one smile at a time. The final stop of visit was right outside the restaurant where we played ball, but as we were having a wonderful time together I noticed a precious face looking on solemnly... so I invited him to take my place.

I cannot even tell you the joy that boy had that he took my spot. I cannot describe to you the joy that filled my heart seeing Smith love and play with this boy, Tony. It was precious. I sat back and watched thinking... "I sponsored the BEST kid EVER!"

And just like that our visit was over...

I thought our first hug was the longest and greatest, but it was quickly replaced by our final hug. As I pulled him away to tell him how much he was loved tears streamed down his face. The tear in my heart began to rip and pierce a pain that I have never felt before. It was a disgusting gut wrenching pain. I didn't want to let him go... he didn't want me to. It was painful. The translator told me, "this is so touching, I'm just trying to stay professional and not cry."

His head dug deep into my shoulder, and he just kept on embracing. His hot tears wetting my shoulder, and it was the pain of God's blessing ripping me apart. There was nothing like it. Nothing.


Picture of a Picture by Christian Metzler Photography

Just like that he was gone back home with the promise that we would be back in July. Trust me I can't wait!!!

I thought that was the end for us on this trip, but little did I know the surprise someone had in store for me... but you'll have to wait for that post later!

Peru: Expect it

2011-09-20T12:39:00.003-04:00

Louie Giglio said it at Student Life camp this summer, that we need to expect great things from God because He delivers greatness. I think that is a good depiction on how I went into this week in Peru.

Then before I could I start telling my husband about my last day in Peru he shared this quote from Scotty Smith with me,

"Presuming "God's blessings" are always enjoyable and happy-makers

is like presuming surgery will be pain free and fun."

That's it! I used to have this narrow minded assumption of God's blessings, and then He opens this mind and showers me with truth, and my heart aches uncontrollably. I watch the dance in awe.

I see the dedication in their eyes, the skirt being held by the wind, and an audience soaking it in with pride. I humbled pride that I have not seen very often. There's another tear in my heart... the aged looking at the joy of the children.

I wonder their thoughts on the visitors from a far land because everyone is always curious of one's intent. I watch on seeing a child escape into thought.

Does he wonder where his sponsor is? Is he curious if he will ever meet them? Do they write him? Does he understand that he is truly loved?

We leave to see a home. A beautiful family taking pride in their home, toys, and items. They are grateful, they give thanksgiving for what they have, and they share with us.

The visit is short in comparison to the day, and my need to want to sit and watch lingers in my stomach. It was a moment were the only thing that I wanted to do was watch, embrace the moment, and let it tear my heart again. The empty classroom will soon be full with smiles, the picture on the wall a beautiful example of Jesus' prayer, and I just want to absorb it all with time.

Christ bowing down to his Father asking to take the cup from Him, and I begging for my cup to be filled. In the world I live in the cup gets empty quick with ungratefulness, selfish ambition, and greed. I just want it filled with truth and love. I want to see what there is, and how God is working. I expect greatness from Him and expect nothing less.

I stand alone wanting to inhale all this commotion, but then there he sits alone on the ledge. I wonder why he is alone, looking stoic at the chaos... I stand by him, and my short stature puts me to his knees. I look at him asking what is wrong, he shrugs. He seems sad, but is not really showing it, but just in his eyes. The translator intrigue by the exchange comes over, and we begin to talk. He asks about my camera, its' amount, he wonders about who we really are coming and visiting. I answer the questions, handing him the camera for a test run. I ask about his sponsor. He has one, they write, and he is happy about that.

I feel connected to him, he reminds me of my own back home. He is the oldest in the project, and he just stares off watching. I wonder he's really thinking, but I am not sure. As we go to leave I take a picture with him, give him gum, and then he asks quietly, "Can I have your number?"

Sigh... the answer must be "no." He felt the connection; he felt loved, and I can only hope that I left an impression that gives him hope for his future. My cup is full with this young man's love. He just wanted conversation and some time to talk. He indented my heart scarring it further. Lord, may you give this boy love, care after him, and let him know that a woman from Florida is praying for him daily. It was a good thing he had a sponsor because I would have snatched him up in a second, but God knew what He was doing... He was saving another one just for us!

Peru: a harder hit with reality

2011-09-19T18:07:00.001-04:00

"I sponsor a child in Bolivia."

- The director of the Peru CI

You know that moment when you grasp the truth behind something, and you sit and soak it in to better understand your own thoughts on the matter? I had that moment twice in one day. I believed in Compassion International before the start of my trip, but within a single moment I had a further faith in it. When you work for an organization that you believe in you support it, and you want to be apart of what they are doing. You can't just work there anymore, you want to get blessed by it.

The truth behind gratitude is that it is an emotion. The American way is to pay someone back to show your gratitude, or you feel that you can never repay them. I'm telling you now that is NOT true gratitude. It is the tugging in your heart to offer your very best when you have the least. It is that moment when you hug and kiss another person from a far away country that you will never see again, but you know that the crater they left in your heart is never going to recover. Their gratitude pierces you so deeply there is no need for monetary value because the emotion behind sufficed for a lifetime.

The act of gratitude given from the eyes,

in a dance,

in the act of sharing your home...

It is a sacred moment when someone shares their gratitude; it lays down the pride of our human condition, and it allows that human condition to reflect the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. We sit back and we are able receive it. The hardest part about receiving is that we are reminded of our condition, and at that moment we have to fall face down at the feet Jesus bathing in His precious blood remembering that He gave us ALL the greatest gift; Himself.

We then are able to see through His love, and we see that joy in our lives.

It is a joy of children surrounding you with smiles and love, and you get it... JOY! A face of pure contentment with what you are doing at that very moment. You feel it crept up your legs into your stomach, stomp on your heart, and there it is when you see that everything you are doing is glorify your Father.

It is right there in this picture where I sit and think of a joy...

Joy weakens me like a wound. Oh, You're coming closer and it's hard to take in that

I have wasted so much fear and devotion. But there's no time left for my regrets

when You're calling. - Further Up/Further In- My Epic

Those words never seemed truer as ache with the joy of His presence in a church in Peru surrounded by children and selfless workers. The truth behind that in a box there is something very important...

in this box is something so important that God designed out of His image and love...

in this box is...

YOU!!!

Tears burn down my face... is this something only children need to hear... or is my heart on fire with this simple truth that she teaches the moms to tell their children?

She reassures me that adults need to hear this too, and that she tears up when she sees the childrens' reaction behind this truth.

I sit shaken. He is getting closer, but He has left Himself still far enough away from me so that I keep seeking Him...

*Tuesday*

Peru: Compassion Sponsor Tour- Beginning

2011-09-19T11:35:00.001-04:00

I'm sitting in bed with the sounds of city traffic below me, yet this is no normal city traffic. It is the honks, beeps, tire screeching sounds of the developing country of Peru. The voices of citizens echo across the streets, and even being six stories up sounds as if they are right next door. These sounds exceed the normal curfew of 11:00pm, and continue on through the night into the next day. The whistles blow and alarms sound, and I am reminded that I am of insignificance to the world. The people on the streets are busy with life, the buses have to be somewhere, and vendors are out to make a buck. I sit scrambling around trying to figure my thoughts of the past four days. Knowing I don't want to forget a single impression, yet wanting to let it process and embed deeper into my being.

And I sit thinking were do I even begin to express the meager thoughts from me.

The high end security was fresh as the tenth of September began, and with the eleventh looming nearer the area was tense... until you reached gate D16. 44 people all with one purpose with one goal to get to Peru and to be blessed by the work of Compassion International (little did I know this would soon become an understatement). My seat of choice at the gate was by a wide smiled Shan from Japan. I small glimpse into the life I want to live at some point. A young beautiful homeschooled girl with more wisdom than any 15 year old I know sitting next to me on the plane. The presence of humor and adventure in the roommate chosen for me.

All apart of God's intricate plan for our lives, and I just sit reflecting on how this is going to bring me into His will.

The day was long with travel, muscles anxious to escape the confines of the micro space, and longing to see what lies ahead in a country that houses 8.5 million people in one town, Lima. The evening births morning and the walk begins through the streets were my husband once walked 15... 16 years ago. The city has changed, the people more skilled more developed, and I am just walking, breathing it all in. The church entrance is full of pastries, people, knowledge, and longing. Modern technology in the middle of a world stricken with poverty, people here for one purpose to worship the Creator of this very moment. The moment when people of from two different worlds embrace, and come to the feet of an Almighty Father.

The time is short, the impression is sweet, and I wonder will I ever understand the true calling for my life. Balaam, a man of selfish ambition brought to humility and surrender through a donkey's intelligence. The market is full, the vendors are bartering, and the white people looks confused as words are spilled and numbers thrown in a foreign tongue. A nativity scene in the window ahead seems like wonder in this mass chaos.

The evening races in, and I'm off to bed...

To say that the evening was slept without interrupt would be a fabrication because the night is young in a city of entertainment. The coffee is sweet and soothing to my heart as I seat reading 1 Peter...

Is it legal to read my Bible here... "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." Should I put it away just in case it is... "But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed." Why would I even consider putting my Bible away and I am reading this passage? It isn't even illegal.

I take the ability to read the Word out in the open for grated. I take the silence around me at home for granted. I take the water I can drink from the faucet for granted. The ride on the bus is bumpy and long. The traffic is bumper-to-bumper, a fight to see who can honk first once the light is green, and I stare out the window. The Compassion Office colored in blue and the presence of God is magnifying right through. The staff lead us in worship, and the ball in my throat makes it hard to swallow. The realization that the people that make it possible for me to write to Smith are in this very room. I fight back the tears hearing the how the gears to this master clock. It is a well oiled machine that seems unbelievable to listen to it's inner workings.

They worship with such honesty that you turn to look inside the core of yourself at your own honesty. There were three areas in the office that really just brought into perspective for me: the director's office- a big room with her desk and large table for meetings with staff, the child's information staff- these are the people that get to know your child from parents to health issues, and they are the ones that take your child's photo for the packet you pick up. They are the ones that captured the image that I fell in love with. They were gracious enough to make me a Peru Sponsor Child... it was cute. The last area that really got to were the staff that read you letters and get them to you and your child. The paper you see your letter on is all them. The connection with these Compassion people was immediate; it was the fellowship of brothers and sisters of Christ coming together to love His people. Instantaneously, I fell in love with people that I didn't even consider in my time as I wrote my letters, as I printed out Smith's picture for our family wall... these people are family!

The center for children was a church with great pride as children draped the entrance with balloons, shouts, and smiles. The applause was deafening, and I was beginning to get uncomfortable. The wall up three flights of stairs to the smell of hard work awaited us as our group met with the Level 4 students (high school- my crew). As they began to share with their learned skills of beading, recycling, and cooking it was apparent that Compassion was irreplaceable. As the girl spoke of their hard labor she handed me her recycled flower, and it was at that moment that I received the hardest thing in my life receiving. I took the flower, turned away, and sobbed. It was then that another shock wave hit as the director of the school embraced me, the students embraced, and the specialness that they were giving me was what it felt like to truly receive.

I mean to seriously receive, a group that fight poverty daily, a people that think I am worthy of their gifts, and it was truly too much to bear. But with each hug I hugged harder soaking it in, allowing it to penetrate my heart, and it was then that I saw the heart of Christ in the body of a 15 year old. The waves good bye, the children sprinting after our bus desiring just one last look, and we were gone...

One heart torn in two different dimensions fighting to come together to make it whole again after the eyes have seen the human condition.

**Saturday, Sunday, Monday**

It's my Birthday, but T-Minus 3 days and off...

2011-09-07T12:17:00.001-04:00

to Peru for seven days with 43 strangers with Compassion International. The flight is six and half hours, and we will be getting into Lima at 9:15p. The daily plans for this trip are filled with mainly children ministry through worship, skits, and fun with people that love kids. =D We will also be painting and cleaning up one of the community centers. The main thing about this trip is getting to know Compassion Peru on a personal level. When you invest your time and money on a child in this country you want to know what it is going towards and this is the beauty of Compassion. You get to go to see just what they are doing.

In my handy dandy package

I have been reading more about Compassion and their mission as an organization. They use a holistic approach to caring for these children in their programs. It is about giving educational opportunities, life skills, health care (supplemental nutrition when needed), safe and healthy recreation, and the biggest gift they could give the chance to hear the gospel. I believe in the work that Compassion is doing, and I am sure that after this trip my belief in them will be even greater!

So, I first want to ask each of you to please pray for the 44 people that going here they are by name:
-Felicia, Emily, Sandy, & Pete Amy (Texas)
-Matthew & Pamela Brewington (Compassion Workers/CW)
-Nancy Bullard (Georgia)
-Brenda Burkett (CW)
-Stephanie Campbell (Ohio)
-Carol Carroll (Ohio)
-Christine & Lydia Clark (Pennsylvania, also they are in my Family Group)
-Robyn Dell (CW)
-Darien Evans (North Carolina)
-Kelly Heimerman (Wisconsin)
-Larry & Pamela Hodges (Alabama)
-Aislynn Holt (Florida, that's me)
-Mike Huskey (Texas)
-Rachel James (Texas)
-Margaret Jones (Nevada)
-Rodney & Jennifer Keaney (CW)
-Anna Koon & John Odom (North Carolina)
-Sheryl McGillis (CW)
-Darya Miller (Colorado)
-Katie & John Paczak (Mississippi)
-Gina & Megan Peterson (Washington)
-Heather Quinn (Louisiana)
-Shan Reed (Japan, US Missionary)
-Lyle & Beverly Riggers (Virginia)
-Susan Taylor (CW, and my roommate)
-Rachel Wilding (Nevada, and in my Family Group)
-Sean Dana (Tour Leader and my group leader)
-Liz Duckworth (Co-Leader and other group's leader)
-Christian Metzler (Compassion Photographer)
-Cristina Zavala (Peru Country Director)
-Silvia Sanchez (Prog. Comm. Manager)
-Soledad Agreda (Tours & Visits Leader)

There they are. I will be in a Family Group with Christine & Lydia Clark and Rachel Wilding. I'm trying to figure out why I was put as the leader of this group when I am sure one of these three would be incredibly better at it. I prefer being a responsible follower. We will have a translator and staff member with us, and Sean will be over us and three other groups. The other four groups will be with Liz. Sean also sent me an email telling me they were in need of a voice for the worship team, and I am still processing the way God worked that one out. If you know me, you know why I say this. Sean doesn't know me!

Our Daily Itinerary is below:
Sunday, Sept 11- Depart for worship with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ at a local church, and short visit through the city and shopping at the local craft market

Monday, Sept 12- Depart for the Compassion Office in Lima, tour of the ministry with the opportunity to meet the staff that makes your sponsorship through Compassion possible, lunch at a local restaurant, depart for our first Child Development Center visit, PE109. We will spend some time touring the classrooms, and playing with the children.

Tuesday, Sept 13- Depart for a Child Survival Center, where we’ll meet with the mother’s and their little ones of the community, visit their homes, and learn about the help of Compassion in the community, lunch at the center with the children, in the afternoon spend some time with the children at the center, visit their classrooms, and play games.

Wednesday, Sept 14- Depart for Child Development Center, PE444. Enjoy a welcome by the children, visit with the children and their families in the community, lunch at the center with the children, depart for the hotel to get refreshed, dinner with some amazing college students who are in the Leadership Development Program. Listen as they share their stories, and how they glorify God with their lives.

Thursday, Sept 15- Sponsored Child FUN Day- The DAY you’ve all been waiting for!!! Depart for the Zoo where you’ll you’re your children. Spend quality time with them and their guardians who traveled with them, share lunch with your child and translator. As the day comes to a close take the opportunity to pray with your child and their family. Don’t forget to ask for prayer yourself, they are might prayer worriers!

Friday, Sept 16- Painting Day- Depart for the same project we visited on Wednesday, PE444 along with PE408. Keep your hearts open to all that God can teach you as you serve with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to paint the centers. As we wrap up the projects, pray with the staff at the center, and say our last good-byes. With great memories and experiences in our hearts, we have our last dinner and debriefing, to give God the glory for this trip.

Saturday, Sept 17- Depart for the Lima airport, 7:30am Departure from Lima to Miami.

2:25pm Arrival into Miami to catch our personal domestic flights home.

I think aside from meeting my Compassion child, I am most excited to sit and talk with the students in the Leadership Development Program. I had the opportunity to do this when we took the youth group to Student Life camp the past two years. The two students that I met in the LDP were great women of God, and they were just wonderful to talk to. They are students that grew up in the Compassion program, and to see what opportunities they have had through having a sponsor is really beautiful.

Along with praying for the 44 travelers please be in prayer for the Compassion children. Reson and I have Smith (Peru) and Pataso (Thailand). They are beautiful boys, and when you get a letter in the mail from them telling you that they are succeeding in their Bible lessons and Bible memorization... you see God's plan working in their lives. It's breathtaking. Both Smith and Pataso have been asking for prayer for their fathers. For their families this is a big hit as everyone must work to make life happen. As Smith wrote us in December, "Thank you for the Birthday money, I was able to buy new shirt and shoes. I also bought bread and eggs for my family."

Today is my birthday... give the gift of opportunity to these kids! Here are our boys Smith (left) and Pataso (right):

Birthday Packing

2011-09-07T11:25:00.001-04:00

Today is my birthday! However, that is really not the exciting part this is:

These are "some" of the things that I am taking with me to Peru in THREE days!!! I want to give a BIG BIG THANKS to my momma, my mother-in-law, Adys, Linda C, and soon if I can make it over to the hair salon Cissy and Becky for helping me gather many many of these items up. It was a short notice request, and it has been a really blessing seeing all this come together. My birthday has been greatly blessed by having people in my life that care about what I'm doing with Peru. Currently and all of it yet is:
- 4 backpacks (2 w/lunchpacks)
- 1 duffle bag
- plates and bowls
- ball pump
- soccer ball (deflated)
- 2 hats
- 2 boys' outfits
- 3 jump ropes
- 5 packs of bubbles
- 4 frisbees
- 2 infant outfits
- 10 notebooks
- 2 packs of pens
- 3 pencil keepers
- 6 boxes of crayons
- 3 bottles of lotion
- 1 tube of toothpaste (more to come)
- 8 toothbrushes
- 7 pairs of scissors
- gluesticks
- pack of construction paper
- 8 bars of soap
- packs of stickers
- hairbands, clips, and bands

Things that are to come: more handbags, coloring sheets, and towels.

There is one thing that I can do and that is pack a bag. If it wasn't for a weight limit... I know for a fact I could fit my things for the week and all this in here:

But alas... I have to consider the backs of those moving this bag off and on the plane. So, I will be taking a second bag for check-in, which is allowed and greatly being taken advantage of. =D

I will be posting again in just a second to talk about the details of the trip... stay tuned...

I got it!

2011-08-26T10:43:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, was a big day! First, we had an unexpected visit with handsome lil man:

Then, I got this in the mail.

I am 14 days away from driving down to Miami to hop on a plane to Peru! The mix of emotions that I am feeling over this trip is really crazy. There is angst and peace, which is strange and yes they are antonyms, but it is two feelings that are interesting to have at the same time. I will be reading through the guide this next week and will be in prayer as God has proven to have many things going on in my life and this trip being a big part of it.

Lord, may I have ears to hear, and eyes to see the will that You have for Your story in my life. I know that my feeble mind will not always understand, but may I have peace that You offer to those who seek You.

Day Two

2011-08-24T23:32:00.001-04:00

A day like today is the reason moms would say they don't homeschool... Yep, the day that the kid just twiddles his thumbs and makes two hours of work last four hours... Unfortunately, the bad mom in me came out, and I am not saying this to receive a pity party, but rather show proof that I can't do anything without the grace of God. I got loud, sent my son to his room, and I sat and began reading some of the blogs I follow. One in particular (of course) spoke of how your child's spirit is more important than a schedule, and how one needs to ask their children for forgiveness.
God was speaking to me. The bad mom had to make a choice to accept responsibility for her actions, or ignore them and not show my son my true error. So, I went into his sat on the floor, and ask my son to forgive me for my yelling and attitude. I told him how sorry I was that I got that way, and that sometimes mommy makes mistakes and has to ask God to forgive her. He looked on as I said this to him intently. He first said, "It's okay, Mommy." I told him that, it wasn't. I explained to him that it was not okay that I acted like that. It was important that he know that it was not okay that I let Satan attack me. I was asking him to forgive me like I asked God to forgive me. He did. He replied, "Mommy, I'm sorry that Logan wasn't listening to you. I'm sorry that I wasn't listening to and doing my work. Will you forgive me?" We hugged and loved on each other for a few minutes. It was a beautiful moment with my son. This is why I homeschool, and why days like this can't stop me.
I get to be my disgusting sinful self, and I get to show the grace of God in practice. God allows me to be an example to my son, and I cannot ignore the bad and praise the good. I have to teach my son that our response to sin is repentance and to seek forgiveness from those we hurt. As we finished our hug he told me he had a surprise for me, and he came back wearing this:

He said, "Mom, this is what we have to wear all the time, or we will not be ready for Satan!" The Armour of God! I cried my eyes out, I hug my boy. I leaned in and whispered, "Thank you! You just taught mommy, today!"

Are you Super Mom or Abiding Mom?

2011-08-15T14:31:00.001-04:00

I have this paper posted on my fridge. There have been moments that I have stared at it in disgust, yet other times that I look at it in joy. The disgust comes after I followed the "Does" column all the while ignoring the "Is." Yet, there are moments, quiet moments when I look at it... and there is a joy that comes through my mind as I see improvement that the Lord has granted me in areas of the "is."
I have found that my views are not popular with in areas of the way I mother or the way that I am a wife. It must be an out fashioned thing... right... I tend to think it is was is called of me from God.

"Blessed is the marriage of a woman who joyfully serves, offering gifts by the work of her hands."~ Time-Warp Wife

Apparently, this quote was liked by a person on my friend's list, but I sit back not getting an answer for the discontent with the statement. However, it made me focus. I am an accomplished woman. I have a degree in English Literature, a wonderful husband, and two beautiful little boys. Am I accomplished if you read just that alone? In today's society, sure, but would quickly think otherwise if they knew more...

I don't work outside the home. No, I stay at home homeschooling my two boys.

I delight in keeping our house clean.

I find thanksgiving in serving my husband offering the gifts that are done by my hands.

Now, I sound like a maid serving the egotistical superior male. The stereotype of serving in this generation is really a sign of the ignorance in this world. We see serving as a downgrade. We see it as a woman giving up her "power" in the house. It's easy to let the world cloud our mind with these ideals, and you sit at home with screaming children, toys scattered everywhere, and it hits you... I have no purpose here. The kids don't listen. The laundry never stops. Escape!

However, if we look at our purpose from the time of Adam and Eve, we are given the job of "helper."

^20bBut for Adam there was not found a HELPER fit for him. ²¹So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²²And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Genesis 2

With that comes something of great value. Along with us being a helper, we are of great worth for we came from the man directly. He will rule over us for the sin committed in the garden, but what we need to remember along with him ruling over us is that we will be of ONE flesh.

²⁴Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2

How do you become one flesh? We share in delight with each other for who we are. Who God created us to be. When we align our lives with Christ our marriages move in-sync with one another as if in ONE flesh.

This is just the beginning of what a marriage is to look like, and I am sure I will write more about this later. Our world has deformed what marriage is, and has made it to look like a battle of who can stay the boss the longest.

And so comes the page on the fridge and comes part of my purpose as the "Helper"... having children adds a new dynamic to the marriage so a Godly woman's train of thought must develop into something greater. Am I accomplished by the world's standards, to some "yes" to others "no. Am I accomplished according to the God who is the Creator of all things? I look into my heart, where do my standards lie? I don't care about your standards or even what mine can turn into if I focus on the world. I care what is written in the book of truth. My delight is in pleasing my Father.

So, I stand against the kitchen counter sweaty from deep cleaning the bathrooms, loading the laundry into the dryer, and I listen as two brothers are laughing one second and the next screaming over a toy. I look at the time to see that it is barely 9:00 am. I look back at my page, go down the list:

impress others/please the Lord... I pray out loud that I am pleasing to Him;

controlled by agenda/controlled by the Holy Spirit... at this moment the Holy Spirit as I skip a chore to stand and read this page;

self worth in accomplishments/self worth in Christ... Christ you give an abundance of this;

peace in perfection/peace in the storm... a great storm has passed through and I reflect thinking of the gift of peace He gave Reson and I (thanksgiving);

discourage by failure/failure remembering His perfect strength in my weakness... again reminded of the frailty of the past month and see only His strength gave us strength and endurance;

expects perfection/practices grace... I look down knowing this has not been done. I look back on my apologies for my imperfections. I am reminded sanctification is never ending process;

teaches kids to be good/teaches kids to be Godly... I look at the page below this one that reads "Pray for God to change your heart." This page that has a little girl knees bent in prayer. I think about sending Luk to his room to ask God to help him practice self control, yet I remember sending him to his room with no Godly direction. I think about how often I need to be disciplined by my Father, and I go without acknowledging Him;

frustrated by lack of fruit/ abides and bears much fruit... I have looked at this sheet with frustration in this area, but over the past couple of months I have begun to see that I was simply ignoring the fruits. I wasn't stopping and engaging in His fruition;

does things with her kids/builds a relationship with her kids... I think back to a day when I sent Luk to his room for nap after a discipline lesson that was not God directed, and yet I remember all the other days I sit with him and he tells me about his sadness, his joys, and his frustrations. Though they seem small today his ability to tell me the small things will lead to him wanting to share the big things as he grows;

perspective on seen/perspective on unseen... Is my focus on the above or of the world? We are working on that as we disengage the television and engage the Holy Spirit;

quantity/quality... this seems to be an ongoing battle as we choose activities to get the boys involved in, but I am reminded that what I show them is important now will dominant their engagement. So, we focus on one sport that is still overtaken by the Word;

children think mom is too busy/children call her blessed... I look down again and smile. It was only this morning that I was reminded how blessed I am. Logan climbs into the bed in the dark at 6:30am, and he kisses me followed by placing his head against my cheek. Luk climbs into the bed at 8:00am whispering, "I love you, Mom." Blessed.

Blessed. The word gets misused so much today. Blessed because you have money because you got a vacation and it's quiet. What way are you blessed? Is it the reverent and honor through worship, blessed? Or is it the blessed because of good fortune or enjoying happiness? Are you blessed through the pain and through the bad? Blessed. There's more than one kind of blessed.

Sacred. A sacred life that is dedicated or set apart to have a service of worship for our Creator, or devoted exclusively to one service, to serve God. Sacred. A word left out of tongues... you are blessed, but are you sacred? That puts you in a whole new light... doesn't it?

I sit stunned... and disgusted... (News on Somalia)

2011-08-10T10:19:00.001-04:00

Disgusted would be a good word, but I think I may be more than that. The headlines on Google Reader:

MSNBC:                                                                                                                                                     “Democrats Fall Short in Wisconsin Recall Elections”
“UK Readies Water Cannons as Rioting Spreads”
“Back from the Dead? Young Surfer Amazes Doctors”

USATODAY:
“Census tracks 20 years of sweeping change”                                                                “Americans’ message on joint debt panel: Let’s make a deal” “As riots rage, Britons want show of force”

Google News is the same things. Yahoo News is talking about “Big tickets deals are coming,” “Worst foods for your teeth,” or that “Obama announces new fuel standards for big vehicles.” Let’s also look at Britain riots, North Korean/South Korean news, etc.

THERE ARE 600,000 CHILDREN ON THE BRINK OF STARVATION IN SOMALIA!!! HELLO!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

This doesn’t happen over night. A famine that is the worst this country has seen in 20 years doesn’t happen in a week. It takes time and is gradual, and then the effect of death hits hard like a Mack truck hitting a Smart car. What are we doing!!! Who cares about our S&P credit scores, who cares about big tickets deals, or the worst food for our teeth. There are people with NO food to care about what’s happening to their teeth! Families are losing all of their children to starvation as we, throw away scraps and looking for more food to throw away.

We are called to care for the least of these… and they are dying right in front of our eyes while we worry about fuel costs. Disgusted with myself and my peers as my children sit healthy in front of me playing on the computer, and are fighting over who gets the mouse. My heart breaks knowing that as I sit here while two parents are surrounding the last of their three children in agony over his death and no money to bury him.

I pray they have hope in Christ. I pray that someone has gotten to them to share the hope that only He can give to such grief as this. Devastated to think that so many have already perished without that hope and that message living in their lives, and devastated knowing more are to following. How can we ignore it with our “World News” being focused on Britain’s riots.
Riots starting because people have no jobs and no money…

Really?! You are destroying your home, your country’s safety, and yet people that have no choice are just sitting still dying, looking on as the flies swarm their dead… how can this even be truth? However, it is!

Truth of a sinful world… seeking revenge and hate… glorifying riot crimes… ignoring the reality of all of us sitting behind the computer while hundreds of thousands die from malnourishment, diseases, and hopelessness.

We are so arrogant to think that we don’t deserve to be treated unfairly; we don’t deserve to talked about badly; we don’t deserve to lack a job and money. What do you deserve? You deserve the right to riot, to find the right food for your teeth. I wonder what do you think that those that die of poverty deserve?

I know the truth and fairness of it all is that we die and spend eternity and hell. Yet… Christ died to bear this fate. He died so that I could experience hope. He died so that I might believe in Him and love the least of these. Do you love the least of these? Do you love the people of Somalia? Do you love the people of Peru, of Africa, of Guatemala? How about Thailand, Ethiopia, Bolivia, or Tanzania? Do you really love them?

As you sit down finishing your summer vacation at the beach or lake what are picturing?
Right now all I can see is the people that God loves dying in a land with no water in sight or no crops to be eaten. You say, why God? How could you let this happen? I say, He is a just and fair God. He will bring condemnation to those that do not believe, and those that do will suffer and still have hope because that is what He promises. Christian living is not a straight away path to the land of milk and honey.

No… No… Paul, Peter, Moses, Isaac, Lot regular men, Hannah, Sarah, Mary regular women, all to prove that even with love of Christ, His people will suffer for Him and that is the only life worth living because it is when you are of Him and not of this world that true hope comes.

Sure it’s a hard pill to swallow (and a huge one at that), but for those that love God all things come together for His good.

^“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

We can’t think that God only uses good for His will. No, bad must happen for His will to be done. Jesus’ death is the greatest example. A holy perfect man died for my sinful ungrateful flesh. How unfair is that?

Lord, You are full of such splendor; you are God almighty and just. Please bring hope to people that haven’t been awakened by your Holy Spirit. Grant them the most excellent sense of hope in You. Help us, Lord. May this famine in Somalia bring us to do Your work that You have commanded us.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because Iam going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it. John 14:12-14

I just reached in the refrigerator to get Logan a glass of juice. Lord, please don’t ever let me forget the blesses You have given me. Please, help me to remember to give to those that need to be given to. Don’t let this greedy selfish American living destroy my calling for You! Heart Breaking that I can reach 10 feet away and supply my children’s hunger and thirst while thousands reach 10 feet to hold their dead child one more time…

I'm gonna go to Africa

2011-08-08T16:53:00.001-04:00

"when I grow up, and I'm going to help the people make them clothes, plant food, water, make houses for them," proclaimed my five year old as he came into my room from his nap. He continues the story with wanting to be a firefighter to help the people of Africa control fires, but that he needs to be a police man to help with crimes. However, he has to a hunter, too so that he can catch meat for them (they may not have a problem in some of areas of Africa with this). He drew a picture of the animal clothing he would make for them, "like God made for Adam and Eve."

: Making underwear

: Animal Clothing and Homes

I sit still listening to this, and I think to myself, "start praying for the missionary in him." I had been praying that he love, love the people that God love so much, and that he would care for the people that needed care. I wish I knew why Africa because talk around the house has been Peru, but he is stuck on Africa. He then states, "Mom, when I grow out of my clothes I will take them to the people in Africa because I know they need clothes." Again, I am silenced by this thought. Brilliant thought because I never thought in that light. A boy who makes a measly quarter or two on his chores, and he thinks of the things he has right now in his possession. I pray for the woman he marries in a whole new light, now. Our prayer at night with him would be that her parents would raise her to love God, but now it seems we may need to be more direct that she will embrace that love and that it be morphed to a love that loves the very least of these and want to serve them.

I tell Luk about how when we go to Peru in June/July that we can bring clothing and help them rebuild after their earthquake, but again he was insistent that it would be Africa that he would this. Again, I'm thrown for a loop over this new journey he has for Africa. I embrace the conversation. Compassion International asked a few days ago on Twitter, "At what age should children be exposed to the reality of extreme poverty?" My immediate response was, "Any Age!" Reson and I have been very open about poverty in our house. I can't say that Luk grasps it fully, but he gets portions of it. He knows that the people do without and that their is a lack of hope, but he doesn't "get it" get it because he hasn't seen it or experienced it. In that phrasing I guess I don't fully get it either. I have seen poverty in areas that we traveled to in Jamaica on our honeymoon, but I didn't get a chance to be engaged in it like my husband. So, I understand it, but I don't "get it." I want Luk to grow up getting it.
So, we are thriving to introduce it to him next summer. However, until that time comes we try to have those with the least in our home.

Smith & Pataso on our family room wall

Lovely Compassion Child covering Luk's Christmas photo

She is right at the door as you walk in. I don't know anything about her, but that she is in need of a sponsor. I pray for her and I will probably never find out if she gets sponsored. I will still pray for her and our boys. I wonder what the Lord has in store for Luk's life (and Logan's), but I pray and hope that this desire does not burn out. It has been a wonderful gift for me to see him love people he doesn't even know. Is it ever too early to introduce poverty to your children? Is a child ever too young to live in poverty? The answer is no. Children are born into it every day, every second. I will not hold this as a secret from my children. Start now, and teach your children that they are blessed, and God has called them to bless others!

I Sit and Think What Comes of it All (Poem Attempt)

2011-08-03T03:57:00.000-04:00

The days are long
The nights are short
The babe screams loud
While the boy teases like its sport

I sit and think what comes of it all

The bank faces drought
The month seems grim
But I stand knowing Your power within

I sit and think what comes of it all

The man works hard
He sees little light
Until he comes home to the brightest star on the right

I sit and think what comes of it all

My heart seeks refuge
I know where to go
His promise in me comes from words that must show

I sit and think what comes of it all

His love so fierce
It captures my soul
For I know He will not abandon His goal

What come of this is good for all
We who come and kneel to His call

He causes things bad and good to work His for story
I sit and know what comes next is His glory

-Aislynn

I’m not sure if it’s any good, but when God wakes up from sleep at three in the morning you better find something to write on. Thank you “Color Note” on my phone. I am indebted to you and your convenience!

Housekeeping while Parenting

2011-08-02T17:59:00.000-04:00

Has this been mastered, yet? When you have a wonderfully complex son like Logan I am not so sure that this can ever be figured.

He's trying to snatch my friend's purse.

So, if that gives you an idea, he likes to snatch things, and he likes to also give out a banshee cry constantly. We get stares on a regular basis. You know the ones that they think you are hurting your child. I have, unfortunately, heard, "Did mommy pinch you?" line far too many times.

He is child that God has blessed me with to expand my patience, and for that sanctification I give thanksgiving. I wait patiently for my first gray hair as I deal with his "mom-like" character.

While we have adopted a new routine for our new upcoming year; I seek to minimize clean up days. Each morning is started with Logan crawling into our bed at approximately 6:15a, followed by 30 minutes of cuddle time, we rise to begin this routine. We turn on our Action Bible, fix some breakfast, and get to the laundry. The older son rises demanding his share of breakfast, and gets his first correction of the day. I become distracted sorting through clothes, and the banshee emerges with only a mere half hour under my belt. It continues like this while I refuse to turn the TV.

The musical talents of Owl City and Chris Tomlin have become the background, and this affords me another half hour. The banshee cry shrieks because the oldest has snatched a toy away, or has just decided to make a poor decision. So, I must give out the second correction. Another screech and the banshee has climbed up on the book shelf... and so forth for the next hour as he climbs the tables and attempts to reach the kitchen counter tops. He is finally forced into his crib screaming at the top of his lungs. He climbs out. At this point I have closed myself into the bathroom cleaning the shower liner, and soon I hear knocking... no pounding... on the door with screams of "Momma." I come out to see him run to climb back up to the place he was just corrected on, and so comes the spank and the room.

Believe it or not the laundry got done, the closets were cleared out, out grown clothes were bagged, and now the living room is a wreck. =D It's not unmanageable. So, with it being right at 10:15a, we do a quick clean up, and begin our homeschool part of the day.

Each day I seek the best way to parent while keeping the house in order. Seeking God's plan in moments like that are something that I pray for the night before because when the moments happen my sinful nature will try to win the match. Today, God had my iTunes shuffle to John Piper's sermon, "All Things for Good Part 1" and I am again reminded that because I love God and He has called me to His purpose I have a wonderful promise in store for me. It is at that moment that stop my working, and listen to truth.

I'm not sure that I will ever know how to juggle both these things, but I can pray each morning and evening for God to grant me peace, understanding, and mercy in the times that Biblical correction is needed. Every moment in motherhood is a teaching moment, I can only hope to be a good student to the life long lesson.

It's Kitchen time...

2011-08-01T17:54:00.002-04:00

which means that it is "highly" stressful over here. This is usually the hour that both boys want my attention, it's the one hour that usually has one at my feet screaming and wanting to be picked up, while the other is deliberate in playing "21 Questions." If I picked an hour that was my least favorite it would be this hour. Which is rather unfortunate because I do enjoy cooking dinner...

Today was full of finishing up some laundry and cleaning our two bathrooms. I've decided that I need a day set for everything. My wonderful husband has been helping me play catch up on the house chores on Sunday afternoon because it is often our guaranteed afternoon without the boys as they go to their "CooCoo" (my mother's) house. This has been a wonderful blessing for us because not only are we able to do our Sunday night discipleship program with our youth, but it gives Reson and I a couple of hours of cleaning or much needed conversation. Now, let me be quick to say that sometimes this gets put on the back burner as the youth are usually at our house by 2-3 because Sundays seem like a good day to not get tired of us. =D

Yea, we love having those guys over...

However, the reason for this is that my hour is being reconstructed. We are purging the TV watching, which (GASP) can be a life saver in this hour. Yet, I'm dealing with the screams as we blare TRUTH in the background. You can read more about this at my homeschool blog (http://homeschoolmomoftwo.blogspot.com). So, as the new routines get put into place so must our house chores because frankly Sundays shouldn't be catch up day.

With that being said, I want to share this site with you:

http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/2010/09/home-maintenance-schedule.html and some wonderful printables http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.com/search/label/Printables

Darlene Schacht is the co-author of Candace Camerson Bure "Reshaping It All." I have not had the pleasure of reading this book, but maybe at some point it will happen. Something to do with a broken Kindle (Logan, apparently was trying to read)... anyways... I'm hoping I will get a chance to reading it.

I am grateful that she has put together not only a monthly plan, but daily plan for moms like me that though OCD, just sometimes "let it go" for the sake of not doing something. I think when I do my meal planning, the budgeting, and church stuff the house's clean factor is unfortunately put off to the side. Which I hate!

I feel as part of being a Christian stay-at-home mom/teacher I need to show that our home is clean, comfortable, and an example of what we feel inside. It is our sanctuary from the world. It is a place of love, devotion, and care. I want the focus of our home is to be the pictures on the walls of our family, our Compassion children, and our life with Christ. When there's toys, clothes, and clutter on the floor it detracts from our walls.

So, I hope this has helped you as it has me. Our bathrooms are sparkly clean, and are ready to get messy tonight. The laundry is done for the day, and is read to be piled up when my exhausted overworked husband gets home. Now, there is a plan in place.

Tomorrow: Bedrooms and de-cluttering.

Are you planning a trip to Peru?

2011-07-25T13:49:00.000-04:00

No, well if you are apart of ECHO))), Northside Baptist Church, or apart of ONE Student Ministries then I hope you'd consider going. As a church we are putting together our first foreign mission trip to Peru with . However, I am actually traveling to Lima to meet Smith, our Compassion child, and I must say I have never been so nervous to meet a nine year old. If you have never considered sponsor a child I want to take the time out to encourage you to do so today. God tells us to care for the widows, child and orphans. We are to love the least of these. You can pray about it all you want, but you can't run from the fact that God commands it of us, and He's already answered the prayer for you.

I am my husbands guinea pig in this travel because I have to get the information for my trip in September, it is helping him figure out what we need to get roughly 10+ people to go.

So... here we go on some basics about traveling to Peru:

1) US Passport- this roughly $135.00 along with filling out information about yourself and your parents (weird, right?, but not your spouse)

2) Visa- No visa is required to enter Peru unless you will be there for longer than 130 days.

3) Immunizations & Vaccines- long story short nothing in "required" to enter Peru, only things that are "highly recommend." LONG STORY: If you want indepth information this is the place to go: International Travel Immunizations and call an initial visit is $55.00 which gives you an hour with a nurse to talk about what vaccines to get and an itinerary. They were very helpful answering my questions and giving me honest options (this is speaking for the Sarasota branch). The difference with going to clinic offered here verses say the Health Department is that each clinic has these vaccines available on hand, where the Health Department has to order the vaccines and you have to wait... and wait... They have to order these things in bulk so they have to have enough people NEED them. So, you maybe waiting for a lllooonnnggg time. Now, they did say that it takes 4-6 weeks, but if the demand is not there you may be out of luck.
LONGER STORY: So, going to the clinic specifically for international traveling will save you some time. Now... what do you NEED? Well, lucky for you if you went to public school OR you parents made sure you got your immunizations and vaccines on time then you should be good to go. It is recommended that you have: MMR (measles, mumps, rubella), Polio, Tetanus, Hep A, Hep B, and influenza. Those are immunizations you have to have to school and things like that. However, how about actual international travel, well that varies from country to country.
LONGEST STORY: Peru is a country that doesn't "require" anything, but they do have things they suggest for your trip. Yellow Fever (highly recommended, get at least 1 week before travel), this is something that almost every other country deems REQUIRED, but Peru seems to not have an epidemic so it is not required. If you are traveling into elevation higher than 2000 then it is something you SHOULD do! Lima is not a place that it is asked for, but I will be getting it since our trip with the church will be in those elevations. This vaccine is good for 10 years and at the International Travel Clinic cost $138.00. Typhoid Fever and Rabies are recommended, but not as much. These are asked to be done if you plan to be in the forests and staying outdoors for lodging. Typhoid vaccine is $95.00, and Rabies takes 3 injections and cost $299.00 for each injection. The last thing is Malaria, and this is nothing more than your doctor giving you a prescription for it. This is for elevation of 3000 or more. For more information you can go to CDC site.

4) Luggage- I haven't gotten to the packing, yet. Now, if I could recommend a bag it would be Ogio. You can check out their website, but you will get sticker shock, hence me linking up the ebay price, first. Let me just say that when I first saw this bag I knew I needed it for my trip. We had the concert for Manafest and Chris Greenwood uses Ogio for all travel bags. Why do I love this bag? 1) lifetime warranty 2) durable 3) convenient handles to haul off and on the conveyor belt in airports 4) I can pack two adults for one week in this bag including all clothes, shoes, and toiletries. After our trip to NYC, I learned pack in one bag if you can help it!!! Trust me on this one!!! When you visit your cousin in NYC, and you don't take cabs and you walk to where you gotta go (which is over 10m away) don't take two large bags on rollers and two small bags to put on top. Painful! Frustrating! ONE BAG! I love this bag!

5) Clothing- Peru is on the other side of the Equator. What does that mean for those of you that have no idea what that means? The seasons are opposite from ours. Peru's coldest month is August, which would lead to February being the hottest. So, keep that in mind when you pack. If you aren't high in elevation you could probably get by with some jeans and long sleeve shirt, but if you go up in elevation bring your coat! It will be rather chilly during my visit in September, but I could use some cold weather after these 100+ degree weather in FL.

6) Travel- Your flight will be roughly 6 hours, and will be leaving from Miami, FL (if you live here). Whatever meal you are closest to on your flight you will be given on the plane. I get to experience dinner (to Peru) and breakfast (home). The meals are pretty tasty... or they were eight years ago when Reson and I went to Jamaica on our honeymoon and were given lunch.

I think this about covers it. Stay tuned because I will be posting again on an awesome vision that a man has for Chincha, Peru. It is a vision I share, and I really hope that Reson and I can be highly involved in this!

Yes, I'm considering being a resident of Peru... Reson just has to figure out how to make me come home. =D

Sitting back and observing

2011-07-21T13:12:00.003-04:00

I think it's safe to say that along with action, there comes a point as a minister's wife that you learn to sit back and observe what's going on around you. If you don't do this occasionally you will sooner or later let what's going on around you consume your very presence. You say, no?!

There is more and more conformity to this world. There are extreme cases that hit people like a ton of bricks. You have the mother that everyone says killed her baby, yet a jury finds her not guilty, or the case where a Florida teen kills his parents to death with a hammer. **WARNING** The article on the teen boy is very detailed. If you are tender-hearted do not read it.

I sit back, and then something hits a bit closer to home. Yes, closer than my actual home state, but hearing of adultery happening in homes of ministers. It hits hard.

We wonder, "How can this happen?"

"How can a mother kill her daughter?"

"How can she be found not guilty, MURDERER!"

"Why?" as the mother sees her son rearing back to hit her with a hammer...

"I thought they were Christians? Bunch of hypocrites!"

I sit back observe.

I look at the legality behind it all.

I'm a researcher, I investigate.

People's moral compass goes haywire. "We hate baby killers!" hmmm... Do you? We legalize abortions like it's a hobby to pass the time. "We hate murderers!" hmmm... Do you? We hate those that cause pain and hurt to others. "We hate lying Christians!" hmmm... Do you? As just minutes ago you asked for their prayers.

Our sins are fine when in the dark, but when the same sin is exposed by others we believe to be better than that person.

Am I capable of murder?
Am I capable of adultery?

Sadly, yes...

However, I go into this capability with my armor on. I am on guard. Satan knows my weaknesses. He knows what can get me to stop thinking about my sole purpose in life, which is to worship and serve my Father. There is a reason that the Bible calls him a wolf in sheep's clothing. He lingers; he hides; he makes everything around you seem normal...

and then...

HE ATTACKS!!!

HE FIGHTS!

HE'S GAINED GROUND... AND.... AND.... and....

Does he win? Does he lose?

Whether in private or in broad day light does he win or does he lose?

I sit back, observe, I remember that the stereotypical vision of Satan as red horned evil looking man is really capable of morphing into anyone's sultry cougar, or anyone's sensual horse riding knight, or the idea that the story of life is all about YOU... ME!

Of course there is one catch to all this... are you awake? I'm not talking about "Yes, I'm reading this. Yes, I got of bed." No, not that awake.

Are you awake? Do you have the Holy Spirit indwelling in your being? He is apart of you and you are apart of Him... Do you mourn when you sin against Him? Do you feel sickened to your lies, your foolishness?

If not, then I guess you would have NO idea where this post is going. If you don't think you are capable of these "extreme" sins you should be full of trepidation for yourself. If you think you can handle any situation on your own... be ready!

Aislynn alone is capable of anything her sinful human flesh wants her to be capable of. However, Aislynn with the Holy Spirit are on guard to fight these capabilities. Will she stumble? Yes. Will she mourn? Yes. Will she fight back with the strength of a lion? You betcha!

I sit back, and observe because at any moment he's waiting... he's wanting to chip away at you... he's waiting for you to cave in patience, in love, in obedience, in faith and sometimes he uses the continuous scream of child to set you off...

"Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it's God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." Philippians 2:12-13

Anonymous- here ya go

2011-07-19T14:22:00.002-04:00

I am not sure who the writer was, but they have been waiting for me to write another post.

Roughly four days ago, we got back from our camp with Student Life; I want to start off talking about why I recommend this camp before telling about my thoughts over the week.

1) Truth. The camp is about truth. The Bible studies even to you through out the week are not some feel good lessons about people today that you should look up. No. Their lessons are based solely on scripture and the men and women who are just like you that follow the will of God.

2) Seclusion. We see our ECHO))) group every Wednesday and Sunday (Night), but here we have them for 5 days. Night, day, us, them, Bible, worship, truth. The setting of the sole purpose to worship God is rejuvenating and an experience that is never forgotten.

3) Staff. The people that work for SL are awake with the Holy Spirit. The students that are working for them care about what SL stands for. Graham Hill is a wonderful Camp Director that thrives to not only help the Family Group Leaders teach a Bible driven message in Bible Studies, but a wonderful peer to youth pastors (more on this later). We have had the pleasure of having Louie Giglio and Chris Tomlin as speaker and worship leader... need I say more. I will also say that I am a fan of the founder of SL, Randy Hall. Reson and I had the pleasure of meeting him this year at the Youth Summit. It was great getting to tell him how much we appreciated the work he has put into a ministry we believe in. He loves Christ!

4) Statement. They have a strong mission in Student Life and that is "Helping Teenagers KNOW CHRIST through HIS WORD." It's not about the gimmicks or what they can sell. No. It's about the Word of God and making sure our youth are learning it, are understanding it, and are living it.

5) Missions. They are HUGE supporters of Compassion International. They believe in it. They don't make money off supporting this wonderful mission, but they know CI does what they say they will do. They help those in poverty gain hope; they help the widows; they support the orphans. Really, I can't think of a better mission to support. (More on this later) By the way... have you sponsored your CI child yet? It will change you!

So, those are my plugs for Student Life.

Oh wait there is one more:

7) Community. They believe in other camps. They want other camps to thrive. On our last day of camp Graham led us in prayer for the two other camps that would be in the same building we were in. Our chair would soon be taken by other students that needed awakening, and we prayed for them! How awesome is that?! It's not about what SL is doing. It's about what the Holy Spirit, God our Father is doing. How awesome is that?!

Well, now I'm done with that, but there is a warning what I will say changed in my heart over this week may just be a big gigantic plug because really God is blessing this ministry.

Day 1:

“Worship is like breathing: you’re created to do it all the time. It’s a lifestyle”

—Joseph L. Garlington

Louie did something I had never experienced before, and it is certainly something I never want to forget. After Chris finishes his worship through song, Louie will usually continue worship through the reading of scripture, but he didn't instead he called a prayer meeting. I'm not talking a prayer meeting were you stand/sit in a circle, hold hands, and you prayer silently to yourself while someone else leads the prayer. No...
I'm not talking about that. I'm talking Louie had over 100 teenagers that were leaders in their youth groups come down in front of 6,700 people and pray for their peers. I'm talking about students just like the ones that my husband and I teach at church. High schoolers... junior high schoolers... 12 year olds, 16 year olds, 19 year olds, falling to their knees praying out loud for the Holy Spirit to fall down on their friends and on students they have never even laid eyes. It was one of the most powerful things I have ever seen. Louie never spoke a word other than encouragement of prayer. There was a genuine rawness to these students that I am not so sure I had it (no, I'm sure I didn't). Thought I would like to think that I was, I never was THAT raw.
This went on for the rest of the worship time as Chris continued to sing "Spirit Fall:"

It.... was.... I want to say powerful, but really it just doesn't begin to touch it. Powerful seems like a weak term when something so magnificent happened. It was God coming down, and His presence through the Holy Spirit convicting everything inside your being. Have you ever felt wrong about everything you have ever done or stood for and standing next to the one Sovereign God? This is as close as it's going to get until that judgment day happens. The audible prayers of students praying scripture back to their Maker... beyond anything I have experienced. As one of our students shared, it's a small part of what Heaven will be like. I could go on about this first Day I really could, but I know that there is nothing I can write that would make you understand this unless you were there.

Our human heart wants to be devoted to something. The Holy Spirit comes as a means to magnify the Son who lifts up His Father in praise.

Day 2:

"The greatest moment in life is when you are spiritually alive!"

Louie Giglio

This was a day of three Bible times, and I'm sitting here thinking this will be the longest post ever! The day began with a Bible Study time with Graham for the adults. As the theme of camp being DEVOTED, we looked at men that were devoted to Christ. We aren't talking about praying before bed and each meal, and going to church on Sunday and Wednesday. We are talking men that lived in Him every moment of their existence, Saul. Back when Myspace was the place to be, I put that I wanted to meet Paul. I still do, and this day reflecting on him made it more so. The scripture was Acts 9:1-31, but I'm just going to post 1-16:

¹But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest ²and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. ³ Now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. ⁴And falling to the ground he heard a voice saying to him, "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?" ⁵And he said, "Who are you, Lord?" And he said, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. ⁶But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do." ⁷ The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. ⁸Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. ⁹And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank. ¹⁰Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias. The Lord said to him in a vision, "Ananias." And he said, "Here I am, Lord." ¹¹And the Lord said to him, "Rise and go to the street called Straight, and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul, for behold, he is praying, ¹²and he has seen in a vision a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight." ¹³But Ananias answered, "Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your¹⁴And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name." ¹⁵But the Lord said to him, "Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. ¹⁶For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name."

This is some powerful stuff. A man who killed people for believing in God in Jesus as the Son of God was now proclaiming that Jesus Christ is Lord. Only His will is perfect. This is a great story to really understand that only God can change the heart of man, and that we as man have no idea what His will has in store for us. I am going to say it, there is hope for those that murder (yes, this includes a mom that was found not guilty by a jury), there is hope for those that hurt others (yes, this includes a husband and wife that held a girl captive for 18 years), the hope is in Christ, and His will gives hope to those humans believe are hopeless. It's hard for us to comprehend, but if it be the will of God may He be magnified through it. Saul saw it through that Stephen was stoned to death. He was making sure that many others would die, too. Yet, through God Saul had hope, and he became a servant of the Lord and suffered for it. He was a chosen instrument of the Lord.

Louie spoke on our conformity to the world. How we hang our worth on what our parents, friends, and strangers say about us. For that sole purpose, we are to ONLY be imitators of God. Ephesians 5:1-2, which just so happens to be ECHO))) motto. "Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."We are to imitate Him, we are to walk in love, and we are to be in the light! If you aren't awake then you CANNOT be His imitator. In verse 14, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." He is the healer, restorer, and His is truth! Have thanksgiving, be reverent, and do not fill your time with foolishness. Surrender your life to His call!

The evening service was incredible. Louie is a fan of the universe, the stars, the galaxies. He focused on the scripture

Psalm 148

Praise the Name of the LORD

¹Praise the LORD!Praise the LORD from the heavens;
praise him in the heights!
²Praise him, all his angels;
praise him, all his hosts!

³Praise him, sun and moon,
praise him, all you shining stars!
⁴ Praise him, you highest heavens,
and you waters above the heavens!

⁵Let them praise the name of the LORD!
For he commanded and they were created.
⁶ And he established them forever and ever;
he gave a decree, and it shall not pass away.

⁷Praise the LORD from the earth,
you great sea creatures and all deeps,
⁸ fire and hail, snow and mist,
stormy wind fulfilling his word!

⁹Mountains and all hills,
fruit trees and all cedars!
¹⁰ Beasts and all livestock,
creeping things and flying birds!

¹¹Kings of the earth and all peoples,
princes and all rulers of the earth!
¹² Young men and maidens together,
old men and children!

¹³Let them praise the name of the LORD,
    for his name alone is exalted;
    his majesty is above earth and heaven.
¹⁴ He hasraised up a horn for his people,
   praise for all his saints,
   for the people of Israel who are near to him.
   Praise the LORD!

So, during the service he presented us with this (from another concert, same thing):

Before we even begin our praises God hears those stars, He hears the whales of the ocean, and that's not even the millions of stars in the galaxies, or the millions of creatures and living things on the earth, and that is not even the millions of Christ followers from China, Russia, or Iraq. HOLY COW! If that doesn't stir something in your heart I don't know what to tell you, you aren't awake! His name alone will be exalted and raised in praise!

Day 3:

^"18 While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. ¹⁹And he said to them, "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." ²⁰Immediately they left their nets and followed him. ²¹And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. ²²Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him."

This is the beginning text of what we talked about on Day 3. However, we focused on the devotion of Peter. The disciple that denied Jesus three times even though he swore he would not. The disciple that would later get a chance to proclaim his love for Jesus three times when Jesus resurrected. The disciple that died for the one thing he believed in. The passage that got to me the most was John 21:15-19. Tears streamed down my face as I read Jesus forgiving Peter three times for his three denials. Peter saying, "Lord, you know EVERYTHING; you know that I love you" is a proclamation of Lord, you know I screwed up, but you also know I love you. Peter had faith in that, and in the end of verse 19 Jesus says, "Follow me." Peter did. He proclaimed his following at Pentecost, and to his death. Peter was devoted!

The morning service was telling of the thread that runs through the story of Christ. There are two questions to ask yourself:

1) What do you want to with you life?

2) What does God want to do with God's life?

The second question is bigger than what the first one is, and are we ready to ask that in our self centered lives. Think about it! It's not asking, "What does God want to do with your life?" NO! It's what is God's plan for His life.
- all people to be told the Word (Gen 12:1-3)
- all nations will exalt Him (Ps 46:10-11)
- all nations will worship Him (Ps 86:8-9)
- His Son would die for all nations (John 3:16)
- all nations be made disciples (Matt 28)
- be witnesses to the ends of the earth (Acts 1:7)
- all is from God- reconcile the world (2 Cor 5:18-19)
- He would ransom every tribe, nation, all people (Rev 5:9)
He gives us a the first promise to the last praise, and He has a thread through the story of Him. He will complete the story with or with out you!!!

The story is already happening, and it takes the pressure off of us to think that we need to make one because it's not about us! God will let you have the little of story you if you want it, but it will end with "The End." He is giving us chance to be apart of the bigger story that has no ending. There are dark days in life even in God's story. Look at His Son's death!

Luke 23:26-43

The thief that recognizes Jesus as God comes to reality that Jesus did nothing wrong, and that the bigger reality is that in just a few hours he would be dead, and HE GOT IT! God revealed himself to the thief, and he did not ask Jesus for help, but instead asked for his grace and to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. He knew the reality because of GOD! His worst day became his best day because he would spend eternity in Heaven with Christ. The sun failed that day as Jesus died. Jesus knows what the darkness feels like because He experienced it! The temple tore in two because that curtain that was separating us from God the Father was now torn and Jesus stands in front of us as a covering of love so that we CAN be in the presence of God.

**God is bigger and working on this broken world.

He may give man free choice, but He never loses control!**

Day 4:

"If you want to hear the audible voice of God, read scripture out loud."

-Mitch Landress (but also by Graham Hill at camp)

The devoted men of Christ saw Christ, knew His direct teachings, they saw His death, and they studied the scriptures from the Old Testament. In Acts 2:42-47, The LORD added to the number of those having the revelation of God. To be devoted means living in His light! 2 Timothy 1:1-14 speaks of our suffering for God because Jesus abolished the law of man. From the flame of God we got the Holy Spirit that gives us power, love, and self control. Paul mentors Timothy and reminds him to share in suffering, guard the spirit as it was entrusted to you, and that to stay in the word. Only 8% of high schoolers raised in church stay Christians into adulthood, and the reason? Because they had mentorship like Timothy had in Paul. Suffering comes from being an instrument of Christ, and being a teacher for His story. When we follow Him we know we must guard our hearts for the enemy is ready to attack!

WORSHIP IS A THREE "DOOR EVENT"

1) The front door of the church worship.

- it doesn't mean a thing

- they never worship when they're there

- the heart and soul is somewhere else

2) The door of Jesus (Hebrews 13:15)

- you have to come to door two, come in, and that is the real door to worhip

- people can't worship when they don't know Christ because they feel condemned

- we want to worship before we even get to the church

- there is a sacrifice of praise continually *God is pleased with this sacrifice*

3) The door we leave His place and go to the world that He loves

- we must sacrifice through not only praise, but through the works to help His people

- take Christ out with you into the world as worship and share the love of God

Our last service of the week was about not taking our knowledge of God for granted. When we don't take action for our mistakes will leave us with the greatest regret! We need fuel to keep us working Him, we need GLEE!

In the unending ending is great sorrow because no one can revote, it is DONE, FOREVER! This is not Rob Bell's Heaven and non Hell. This is the Bible's hell. There is no revoting. There is no sorry God, I come to you now. NO! God wanted us to know how the story would end because He gave the ending for John to write. This letter was written for us.

**Reverence is a requirement, but it does not mean silence**

Revelation 21

G - have God at the center of it all

- if you keep you at the center you will have no joy

- you're there, but there is nothing to celebrate

L - have Love for the thread

- you will not have flee if you don't have love for the world and the nations

E - Exchange the life for truth

- Romans 1- they forsook the glory of God for their gain

- they chose God as nothing and self for everything

- you won't except the norm of the culture

E- Endure the suffering until the end

- you have to overcome this because with it comes sitting with God at the throne

- those that gave up will be and in hell

Day 5:

"Fight the Good Fight of Faith"

- The Apostle Paul

1 Timothy 6:11-16 was our final scripture for a word of endurance and encouragement in times of fighting sin and the world.

Everything that I have written here are the things that really touched me. However, there is one things that I have not mentioned and that is my change in my prayer life. Not only on the first night did I experience seeing the students pray, but each night following I went with Reson to the Youth Leaders meetings. Those meetings change my heart in a way that I was expecting. These men and women all their for the sole purpose of 1) being with God, and 2) teaching students that God is the only way was such a light of encouragement for me. All of getting on our knees every night and praying for ourselves, for our students, that God would come into the place of worship lead me to tears each night. The knowing that so many were praying for us, our youth, and everyone in that center was moving. To hear Graham say that I may work for Student Life, but even if I didn't I'm here for you! I have seen a rapid change in my prayer life, and the worship of prayer of one of great power. I am full of great thanksgiving for this change in my heart. Tomorrow, I will write about how my heart changed even more for the work that Compassion does.

I am a month and half away from meeting our precious Smith!

Sometimes...

2011-07-06T23:27:00.000-04:00

Meditation in song...

Sometimes every one of us feels
Like we’ll never be healed
Sometimes
Sometimes every one of us aches
Like we’ll never be saved
Sometimes

When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
‘Til we’re rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow

It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You, we’re lost in You
Sometimes

Sometimes
It’s like we’ll never atone
For all the love we’ve known
Sometimes
Like in a smile or a song
When you feel it come
And that feeling’s gone
It flies

When we’ve given up
Let Your healing come
When there’s nothing left
Let Your healing come
Feel it rising up
Let Your healing come
Where You go, we will follow
Where You go, we will follow

It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
We’re lost in You
We’re lost in You
It’s Your love that we adore
It’s like a sea without a shore
Don’t be afraid
Don’t be afraid
Just set your sail

And risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace
Let’s risk the ocean there’s only grace

Written by David Crowder

There are songs that come into your life that you will never be able to get rid of... well, there are many that are written by David Crowder that in this category. His gift of writing is... I can't even define it in one word, but that it is God given! His depth into the heart of who we are is frightening. I mean how can a human being be so spot on with our irrational emotion. I have related to each verse with hurt and pain. Verse one brought back awful memories of my life about 5 years ago.

Shattered, broken, beyond hurt... the thought of NEVER being healed again.

Yea, I've been there, and it's amazing I will never forget it either.

It's fresh in my heart, in my mind... gut wrenching ache to think of it.

But His healing came, it comes, and it comforts.

Verse two why me? Why atone this disgusting sinner, this sorry excuse for a Christ follower? The smile appears and flies... gone...

The burning conviction killing every ounce of sinful nature. The sanctification process is beautiful brutal transition. The healing rises up into our being the same being that has the dwelling of the Holy Spirit and you follow, you set sail, you get lost in HIM! Don't be afraid! DON'T BE AFRAID!

We try so hard to keep control, but let's risk it all, let's risk the ocean... THERE'S ONLY GRACE!!! Accept that gift... when you do RISK IT ALL -- THERE'S ONLY GRACE!!!

there's only grace

Beautiful grace, wonderful grace, undeserving grace

AMEN!

I'm sure you hear it all the time...

2011-06-02T17:18:00.000-04:00

BUT it has to be said I DO have the best dad.

This also must be said that I know I have put my dad through alot, and I KNOW I have said some hurtful things to him. Doesn't everyone have those moments? You have been with this person for much of your life, and things are said in the heat of moments when tempers are flaring... you haven't? Well, that's great it must be a Cuban thing then. =D

My husband and I are leaving a church softball and as we are going in reverse hear a "boom." You know, one of those "I just hit something," but you clearly didn't. Uh-oh... we both knew that we had stretched out our brakes just a wee bit too long. Of course, when situations like this happens it is usually when you spend your money on a trip for your wife to go Peru. Happens all the time.

So, the next day I give my handy-dandy daddy a call describing the sound, and informing him that I knew I needed new breaks. He asks, "How do you know that?" I should have stated... "You taught me that, duh!" But I didn't. I stated the squeaking sound that they have been delivering. His response, "Okay well, it should just be the breaks then I will call you back." This was a better response than the darling husband of mine that said it sounded like something with the transmission (YIKES)!

Within minutes he calls back, "Well, Mr. Mechanic Man thinks it is just the breaks and possibly a WYE joint. He will be by your house to check it out." Sure enough, the great Mr. Mechanic Man came by check under the car. VERDICT: No WYE joint, just awful back brakes and routers. Minutes later: Dad hops out of his Roll-Off Truck arriving with the set of brake pads and routers. Seriously! *tear*

Rewind a few days later Mom knocks on our door and explains, "I thought I would drop by and talk to you and the boys while your dad mows your lawn." Seriously! *tear*

I would like to bring the focus on that this is the same man who had a quadruple bypass just months ago. However, this is the same man that made sure that by the age of 16: I knew how to change a flat tire, drive a manual (stick-shift) vehicle, change my oil, and not to mention taught me about 3-4 years prior the steps to building a house. I'm almost certain that my parents would have done a far better job homeschooling than what they would say. My dad would say no because he has reading difficulties, and yet he still will read manuals, rules, credit card fine prints. I can hang dry wall, tape it, clay it up (whatever).

You see where I'm going with this. He got me the things for my car and mowed my lawn highly knowing I was capable of doing it myself; he taught me that stuff. If I were never married my dad taught me to be able to be dependent on my own wits to not rely on a man. Now, I do rely on my husband, but out of desire to be a Godly submissive wife.

My dad was not one to change diapers or do the cuddling when we were babes, but he was the balance to my mom. He loved us in a way that he would not let me just sit around and not take care of myself. However, it is not always about that is it. He is the head of his household. He raised adults with problems, but problems that could be fought and taken care of. If and when he is around he takes care of it. Back aching, chest cut open, ribs broken there he is.

Provider, sustainer, protector of his family even when the silly sixth grader makes a problem even bigger when she uses just the right wording to make a teacher seem worse than he or she actually are. Yep...

Or when he uses this vacations to help his sister-in-law finish her basement, or when he leaves a vacation early to help his children move back home unexpectedly. Scotty Smith said (paraphrasing) A sign in grace is showing that you can drop what you are doing to help those around you. You have no set schedule when it comes to helping. Dad, you have done that for most of your life, haven't you?

One phone call and you can be gone in seconds. I have that trait, and sometimes it is hasty, but those are the times that people remember. It may have an outcome of great, but you were there to hear it with those that you rushed to.

Yet, I will say that the best things about my dad is that even if he says this ridiculous statement, "I may not always be right, but I am never wrong." I know deep down he doesn't believe it because he knows all too well the Sovereignty of God's grace and mercy, don't you?

He doesn't usually apologize, but you see it in his actions later. And just as I thought he would wouldn't eat fish and veggies. There he goes. He is a man who is submissive to what God calls upon him to do in life, and even as simple as his food choice. You see the best dad is not one that you get along with the most or who plays with you all the time or even gives you everything you want. No, having the best is knowing your dad has faults and works on himself, teaches you to be an adult that is not reliable, shows through example how to be a Christ Follower.

Thanks Dad! I love you.

PS- I need a new picture because that guy up there has lost more than 70lbs since his surgery. WHAT!?

Compassion Trip Peru 2011: Prep

2011-05-30T10:01:00.004-04:00

So, the payment has been made, luggage here, passport ordered (waiting for it to get to my home), and now to figure out my immunization shots. 103 days and counting until I board the plane to Peru.

Random thoughts:

I'm going alone with a group of people I have never met. As I filled out the registration form it was a tad bit sad to not be able to put Reson's name with mine.
I am leaving my boys for seven days without wife and mommy.
There is that nervous excitement in it all.
This is going to be a great trip.

Right now the Compassion crew is in the Philippines.

I would encourage you to check out the blogs being written so that you can pray and encourage the team that is there now...

The Aroma of Christ

2011-04-27T09:07:00.002-04:00

Do you smell that? It's a very distinct scent. I breathe it in, and right away I know that I can sit and relax.

The conversations are usually lite, and no need to get deep... or is there a need?

Yes, I'm sitting in the salon cutting my hair off. I return to get some color.

It was in that second visit that I was told something that upset me. "I would have never thought you to be the person you are. You seemed to be someone that would be caught dancing on tables, but after getting to know you, you really love God." (Paraphrasing for memory sake)

Do get me wrong would that have upset me a year ago, or even nine months ago? I'll be honest, probably not. At least after getting to know me she knew what I stood for... right?

For most, this would be a compliment because after discussion I have a stance, but what about the times that discussion isn't an option?

What is your aroma?

I want to be drowned in HIS smell. I want my very presence to pour out HIS goodness. I want HIS glory to shine through my being. I am not there, but each day grows with me soaking in HIS truth into my brokenness.

You see it is not enough to just have someone know who you are after a talk, but that the moment you walk into a place it is sensed that you are different. Even if they can't put their finger on that, they KNOW she has something I want.

How do I get it?

What is it?

Examine your aroma.

The opening of your eyes to see yourself with accuracy is

one of the long-term projects of transforming grace.

-Paul Tripp

What do you see?

What do you smell?

I pray that this long-term project creates a woman after God's own image. As Paul wrote to the believers in Thessalonica,

²³Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. ²⁴ He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

Lord, sanctify my being that I may be completely whole. May I be faithful and blameless. Build me up so that my aroma surrounds those around me that they know I live only for YOU.

A sign you're growing in grace: You're learning to invest your vapor-like existence in things that will last forever.

-Scotty Smith

Our Preparation for Resurrection Sunday

2011-04-24T22:58:00.001-04:00

Our Christian faith is based on this day. Resurrection Sunday is a day that we bring into light for not just a day, but for many as we prepped our family for this day. Before the month of April Luk and I walked through the life of Jesus. His birth, his boyhood, his life with the disciples, and so forth. Then as there were only a mere 17 days left until Resurrection Sunday we began the An Easter Devotional by Ann Voskamp.

The cross carried by Christ to wash His blood over our sins, the grace and love...

His death

His Burial

He LIVES!

Everyday adding our photos to the cross, everyday "We pause to listen to the word..." We linger on this, and we allow it to marinate in us, and flavor our lives. We then on Friday "Tell the Easter Story with a Playdough Mountain" taking the time to form the mountain,

making the cross, creating the scene

it is a reason to stop and meditate on HIS story... on OUR story.

He sets in the tomb that night. DEAD!

He is ALIVE come Sunday!

The beauty of the cross is what it leads to HIS overcoming of death, HIS salvation over us...

Luk again teaches as we do this activity, make the crown of thorns because that's what they made Him wear. We have to remember what we do to Him everyday that we ignore His word and choose our way over His. The crown gets pushed further in, the nails pull Him even more, and His blood STILL sheds for us. Resurrection Sunday more important than Christmas and His birth because without His death, we will have lost it all.

In Christ alone...

It's not just any other day

2011-04-22T15:04:00.004-04:00

"The cross is not a mere event in history; it's a way of life! Take up your cross DAILY, Jesus said!"

"Betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, abandoned by the eleven, forsaken by God. Darkness, you get one hour. Then you die."

-John Piper

The cross, this beautiful woven story, and the only thing I can compare it to is the way God has woven us in our mother's wombs to be in HIS image. I can't escape that truth.

HIS image.

HIS story.

HIS truth.

I sit in awe. I am broken. I am a broken SINNER THAT DESERVES HELL!!! I have so many emotions today! I WANT TO SCREAM!!! I AM SO FULL OF FRUSTRATION!!!

People's lives that are separated from God's ignoring this day. CHRISTIANS NOT HOLDING IT SACRED IN THEIR HEARTS! People skipping work, school, or whatever and just doing nothing, but have another day off. ARGH!!!

Everyday that I don't spend time in the word, every sinful thought in mind, and every time I think I know what's best for my life... I am disgusted with myself.

sad...

lower than scum...

I deserve hell.

So, I sit here in tears, speechless... ask why? Teach my boys that today, oh it's not just any other day, but it's the day that innocent blood was shed, a cross was raised, and soon a tomb that was once filled will be vacant.

The tomb

As I teach them, they teach me. A cave of brown and green, no. As Luk sees it as a rainbow for God's promise to Noah and us and a red door because "Jesus was bleeding on the cross." Show it, see it, let it engulf you. To have the child-like mind is to see the beauty in it.

Our Jesus

As I take out the white, no. As I take out the purple, no. Yellow! Luk shares, "Jesus is the light!" Speechless... the beauty of his mind, his understanding.

The Scene

Purple: Mary Magdelene

Pink: Mary, his mother

Blue: disciple

Orange: disciple

Green: Roman Guard

He is sure of how he wants it.

God is sure of how he wants HIS story.

He has it all working for HIS divine plan.

I am broken. I am a broken sinner that deserves hell. Yet, He came for me. He bleed for me. I am washed in His blood covered and protected from the wrath of God because I know HIS truth. I accept it. I want it. He gave and continues to give me that drive. Through glorifying His Father I am cleansed.

I am HIS.

I have been REDEEMED!

Generation iY

2011-04-20T12:27:00.001-04:00

I subscribe to iMOM. This is the female version of All Pro Dad, which are branches of Tony Dungy's Family First. All this to say that there was an article written by Dr. Tim Elmore called Three Lies That Can Keep Your Child Stuck in Adolescence. Being with Reson and dealing with the youth of today and raising two boys of my own I wasn't too sure about some of things he wrote.

Here are the three lies:

Lie #1: "You Can Be Anything You Want to Be."

Lie #2: "It's Your Choice."

Lie #3: "You Are Special."

If you want to read the explanations that he states click on the link above, but I had some things that I wanted to say about it. I get stereotyped because I am a young mom. I married right out of high school, which in today's mindset means you WILL get divorced. Thankfully, we have been married going on 8 years and been together for over eleven years. So, I'm not a fan of stereotypes. Now, I have the your a young mom, which has been turned into you shouldn't be your kids' friend. There is a simple truth to all this that gets over looked and that is, I follow the main handbook on my ideas of marriage and parenting, the Bible. So, it doesn't matter my age. I seek truth.

I post that because it is important to see my standard, my foundation for my train of thought with this article. Did I like it? Yes and No. I thought it was too cut and dry.

The fact is we could continue this article with anything can be lie and truth with these ideas.

Lie #1: The idea behind this argument is that not everyone should try out for American Idol because they don't have the gift of signing. If I look at it like that yes, but this is a bit of stretch. Just because a person is not a strong enough to be America's Idol (which I wouldn't want to be) doesn't mean that they can't be a vital part of a choir as a support branch. I know that there are parents that do flat out lie and say you sing as beautiful as Celine Dion, and yes that can be a lie. However, I don't want my children to think that they don't have a singing voice and that stops them from worshiping God with song. If our goal in life is to live the "American Dream" then I would say, "Your voice is just plain bad, let's look at an alternative." Now, if my goal in life is the sole (soul) purpose of praising God then sing away!

Lie #2: I do believe that there is no gray area! I would say this is the lie I agree with most. There is a way to give choice and not be giving away your parental stance. I see this one the most working as a Youth Pastor's wife. I want to see my boy/girlfriend alone in my room, okay. I want to talk with them on the phone until all hours of the night. Where are the boundaries? I use cell phones as a prime example because not only with Reson being a Youth Pastor, but he works for a cell phone company. There are elementary school students with full access cell phones. What! They have all the text messaging, camera, website usage they want. I don't understand it. As Christians, we are not to be stumbling blocks to others, this should be for our children as well. How do we protect our child from pornography or sexual content when we allow full access to it everywhere they go? This would also go hand-in-hand with kids and the teaching of modesty. Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps is a great article from a non-Christian perspective. If looking at not so "serious" topics, there are boundaries still to be made. For example, Breakfast time, I let the boys make a choices, most of the time. Cereal, eggs, or toast with jelly. Lunch time, there is a choice of turkey, ham, or pb&j sandwiches. Dinner time = NO CHOICE! "But we must also help them learn the truth that not everything is open to discussion or debate. Sometimes there really is no choice, and kids will be better prepared for adult life if they understand this."

But as Granderson writes in the CNN article, "Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, "No, and that's the end of it."

Lie #3: I would tell you to look at my response to the first one for my idea behind this one. My kids are special! Now, I wouldn't want them to become egotistical, but God knit them in my womb, He knows the number of hairs on their little heads. It designed them in HIS image, oh they are special! There are different definitions for special as far as Webster is concerned: unusual or better, esteemed, reserved... Again, what is the personal goal. If you are living the "American Dream" then this fits you for this article, but for me it doesn't. If raising my children as special because they are in the image of God that makes them humble, wise, men of truth, honor, above reproach, and the list goes on. No my children are not better (or more special) than our beautiful Compassion children, no they are all just as special because they are God's children!

I think Dr. Elmore meant well, but I do again think the article is too cut and dry. He does give clarity in his responses to people in the post, but I think it would have suited better to say these things in the article. I'm curious as to where his approach goes with his book, "Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future" Here are some of his rebuttals to the commentators.

"My hope in writing this article was to challenge parents to examine the underlying messages in these commonly-used phrases. I’m not suggesting that most parents intentionally mislead to their children. I’m just pointing out that these seemingly helpful phrases can turn into harmful statements when not balanced with the hard work of helping children develop an accurate picture of reality that exists outside the home.

As you say, we really do have a responsibility to be realistic with our children. I just want to challenge parents to balance encouragement with guidance. Children desperately need to discover their unique abilities that will ultimately allow them to reach their greatest potential."

"I too hope that parents who are challenged by this excerpt will take time to read the rest of the book. My end goal is not just to point out the challenges that this generation faces but to help us all work together towards solutions that will help them reach their potential. I truly believe that this generation has the potential to be the greatest generation but it will take a concentrated effort by all of us as parents, educators and leaders to guide them in overcoming the obstacles."

"I understand the strong reaction to calling these statements lies. I really don’t believe that most parents set out to intentionally mislead their children.

However, I do believe these seemingly helpful phrases can turn into harmful statements if not balanced with a clear picture of the real world kids face when they leave home. Unfortunately, it’s easy for most parents to give encouragement; yet sometimes hard to do the work of really helping children understand the reality of the world we live in. Leading our kids to this understanding is a process that must be pursued, consistently and intentionally, over time.

I agree with you that balance is the real key. All of us recognize the harmful effects of a child who is raised in an environment with nothing but discouragement. I’m just pointing out that a steady diet of nothing but affirmation can be just as debilitating in the long run if the child doesn’t mature and learn to handle adversity."

I would think that with reading his responses that we agree on the topic at hand, but again the approach to these "lies" are not lies, but truths that need to be looked at in a different mind set. Thanks my side and I'm stickin' to it. =D

For Kate (Part Two)

2011-04-13T22:09:00.000-04:00

Well, it's done. 11 inches gone and it is being sent to Locks of Love tomorrow. Luk said he wants to grow his hair out, now... We will see how that goes, but I am not against.

Kate, I pray for you daily. I pray that your body is completely healed, and that through all that you will have an undeniable peace and joy as you travel this journey. May God give your parents strength, Godly wisdom, peace, and comfort as they make the decisions for you. Lord, put your hedge of protection over this beautiful family...

For Kate

For Kate (Part One)

2011-04-12T16:27:00.002-04:00

I'm still scared to chop my hair off. Every time I grow out my mine, and I get ready to cut it I chicken out and go safe with it. However, this time the plunge is truly throwing myself over the cliff. As I was gearing up to see what I needed to do for Locks of Love I thought FOR SURE the hair limit was six inches. Of course I can do that, but to my genuine surprise it was TEN inches... yea, freaked me out! Hubby got out the handy dandy tape measure (notice I did not say ruler) and I got the 10 inches, but it is er... short, shorter than what I thought I'd do. It's like the security blanket being taken away from you.

My heart started pounding, no racing as I thought about this. Sheesh, what was my problem, I can do this. Something just came over me, a fear that I have never had before all over my hair. I couldn't believe it, really. I didn't realize how stuck to my hair I was. Then a little face came into my mind. One that I see regularly, with a beautiful smile on her face:

It was this that first popped into my mind, then BOOM this:

Ultimately, the picture in my head turned to this:

With her mom's tweet too vivid in my mind ("It has started"), it was like a smack in the face for me being so... so... selfish over my (NO), HIS hair. The hair that only the ONE can give.

So, this beautiful young girl named Kate puts me in my place. To read her story and the beautiful walk with God her parents are trekking go to www.prayforkate.com or her Caring Bridge Page to learn about this sweet courageous gal.

Tomorrow at 12:00pm I will be chopping the mane:

Because in the end a beautiful vibrant young girl or boy will receive this because she/he didn't have the choice that I will have tomorrow. It's a hard thing to be attached to something as hair. God knows every number of hair on your head, and in times of great tribulation like the roller coaster of cancer He STILL knows that number. I wish I could be brave and shave it all off, and maybe one day I will. I pray that God would give me that courage that I lack, but that Kate sure seems to carry. If there is one thing that God has made evident in my heart, children are wonderful teachers.

Holly and Aaron, you two are in my prayers as you fight this horrific battle with your Kate. I hope you know just how much your family has touched my life. As I look at my two boys' eyes, I am reminded of Kate daily, and it has changed the way I SEE them.

This is for Kate...

Logan Nathanael Little Hollow Gift of God

2011-04-12T11:23:00.002-04:00

Logan was a well thought out human plan, but the character that God gave him as been anything but thought out. He is truly one of kind. I can't define Logan very well because he is all over the spectrum. He is a momma's boy (Luk is a daddy's boy with some mommy tendencies), he is overly sensitive, he is defiant, he is precious, he loves, he is happy, he is a screamer, he cries ALOT, he eats ALOT, and he is an evil Knievel... I can't describe him enough. I do know that he will be the one to give me gray hairs.

Last night he was screaming in his crib, and when I went in he stopped looked up at me in his I'm asleep but I see you look. He was looking for his pacifier. I put it in place (what I call "pluggin' him up"), and then he just held my hand. He LOVES having that security. It is precious. He is little hollow to me. He loves being in a safe place.

The way that my heart and love expands for this boy is just amazing. He makes me smile, he makes me mad, and he drives me bonkers. God made him cute for a reason! =D Logan has a strong dedication, I can only imagine what great things he is going to do with his life (if he can stay out of trouble).

If there is one thing I can say about Logan, his pictures show you what he is all about. He doesn't hide a thing, I can't imagine who he gets that from...

On me: his favorite place to be!

When 8:00pm rolls around

2011-04-08T18:28:00.001-04:00

I have the pleasure of teaching our church's 2nd-5th graders on Wednesday nights. I will say that most nights the conversations are engaging, thought provoking, and get my theological wheels turning as they ask questions about sin, hell, election (yes, they have asked), and God's judgment.

However, this past Wednesday was NOT one of these nights. We have been discussing the life of Jesus, and this week was discussing his trials with Pilate and Herod. I had already read the passage, but I guess as I was teaching on it I had some major thoughts cross my mind as the kids were highly distracted and talking to each other. I was only looking at the Jesus aspect of the passage: Jesus says I am Christ, not King of Jews. Jesus is mocked. Jesus shows mercy by healing an ear. Jesus endures a rough crowd.

Leading up to this passage, Jesus is betrayed by Judas, he heals a chief priest's ear, he is mocked by the chief priest, Peter denies him, and then this passage:

Luke 23

Jesus Before Pilate

¹ Then the whole company of them arose and brought him before Pilate. ²And they began to accuse him, saying, "We found this man misleading our nation and forbidding us to give tribute to Caesar, and saying that he himself is Christ, a king." ³ And Pilate asked him, "Are you the King of the Jews?" And he answered him, "You have said so." ⁴Then Pilate said to the chief priests and the crowds, "I find no guilt in this man." ⁵But they were urgent, saying, "He stirs up the people, teaching throughout all Judea, from Galilee even to this place."

Jesus Before Herod

⁶When Pilate heard this, he asked whether the man was a Galilean. ⁷And when he learned that he belonged to Herod’s jurisdiction, he sent him over to Herod, who was himself in Jerusalem at that time. ⁸When Herod saw Jesus, he was very glad, for he had long desired to see him, because he had heard about him, and he was hoping to see some sign done by him. ⁹So?, he questioned him at some length, but he made no answer. ¹⁰The chief priests and the scribes stood by, vehemently accusing him. ¹¹And Herod with his soldiers treated him with contempt and mocked him. Then, arraying him in splendid clothing, he sent him back to Pilate. ¹²And Herod and Pilate became friends with each other that very day, for before this they had been at enmity with each other. ¹³Pilate then called together the chief priests and the rulers and the people, ¹⁴and said to them, "You brought me this man as one who was misleading the people. And after examining him before you, behold, I did not find this man guilty of any of your charges against him. ¹⁵Neither did Herod, for he sent him back to us. Look, nothing deserving death has been done by him. ¹⁶ I will therefore punish and release him."

Pilate Delivers Jesus to Be Crucified

¹⁸ But they all cried out together, "Away with this man, and release to us Barabbas"— ¹⁹a man who had been thrown into prison for an insurrection started in the city and for murder. ²⁰Pilate addressed them once more, desiring to release Jesus, ²¹but they kept shouting, "Crucify, crucify him!" ²²A third time he said to them, "Why, what evil has he done? I have found in him no guilt deserving death. I will therefore punish and release him." ²³But they were urgent, demanding with loud cries that he should be crucified. And their voices prevailed. ²⁴So Pilate decided that their demand should be granted. ²⁵He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, for whom they asked, but he delivered Jesus over to their will.

Key things to think about when reading this from a human stand point, and not from looking at Jesus' actions here because we already should have it in our minds that He was quiet, He suffered, and He was going to be put to the death by the divine plan of God.

However, let's look at the people. You know the ones that have the sinful nature just like us and the ones that wanted control over the situation.

1) Their first complaint was that he was misleading to the nation, well this could stand to be true for those that did not believe in His majesty. So, for giggles we will say that from their perception they felt that he was misleading.

2) The second complaint was that he was forbidding the people to give tribute to Caesar. Now, this is just ridiculous. How can one man stop an entire nation from giving to Caesar. It seems nice to blame someone else so that you don't get in trouble for not following law. (Strictly looking at the human side)

3) Yea, He did claim to be Christ, there is no beating around the bush on that truth.

4) Herod and Pilate become friends over their agreement not to charge Jesus with a crime. This just seems interesting to me. Was this the only time they had to act on something together that they agreed on? What were there spiritual thoughts on Jesus?

5) Pilate makes it clear that he and Herod do not think Jesus is deserving of death. *More to this*

6) They want a murderer and rebel against the law to be released in trade for Jesus. *More to this*

7) Here again, Pilate makes it clear he find no fault in Jesus to be put to death. This is something that people talk about, but let's look at this: You think you see a guy commit a crime today, you turn him in, and the judge looks at the facts, talks to the guy, and tells you I find no fault in him. You get made, but ultimately the law freed him, the law freed him. *Keep on cruisin' here with #8*

8) The people prevailed! So... this guy that is there to give judgment is not agreed with. The people think they know better than the law, and there we have the death of Christ. Our sinful nature is in such dire need to be in control and give judgment that we gave judgment on the one true judge. Through God's divine plan, he used our sinful nature to convict Christ.

How many times do we try to take things into our own hands? How many times have we thought we can handle this on my own? We know what is right, what is wrong. We can decide what is just and fair. Can we decide what is just and fair? After reading this I have to say NO! We think it fair that we live in an air conditioned home. We think it is not fair to see children die from cancer or AIDS. We think God must have gotten something right, something wrong.

We still play the same games the people that put Christ to death did. We don't really care about what is fair, what we care about is what makes our life easier. For them it was putting Jesus to die because he was bringing conviction and change into their hearts. It's not fair that I can't sell and make the temple unholy, it's not fair that He's telling me I won't go to Heaven... But it's fair to kill Him so I don't have to hear these things and I can do what I want.

The kids weren't into that part of the conversation, but I was stuck on it. I still am. Are you? What is just and fair? I don't know. I can't continue to claim that I do because only ONE can say what it is just and fair.

Because if I think I know what is just and fair I think may have just sentenced my Savior to death! No words to follow that thought...

Reflection over Genesis 18-19: Prime Example of Hospitality and more

2011-04-06T11:25:00.002-04:00

I have decided to read the Bible cover-to-cover for the first time with a Hermeneutic stand point. I have read it before, read, move on, read, move one, so on. However, I decided that I didn't really like that approach because let's face it I was reading it like I did my Literature curriculum. I did daily Bible reads and would heavily focus on those things, but never did that for the Bible in its' entirety. As I've been doing this starting with Genesis, I have also been stuck on what I posted about previously Romans 12:9-21.

I posted about hospitality, and how that was something I was wanting to work on. Well, here comes the passage of Genesis 18-19.

Genesis 18
¹And the LORD appeared to him by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the door of his tent in the heat of the day. ²He lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, three men were standing in front of him. When he saw them, he ran from the tent door to meet them and bowed himself to the earth ³and said, "O Lord, if I have found favor in your sight, do not pass by your servant. ⁴Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree, ⁵while I bring a morsel of bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on— since you have come to your servant." So they said, "Do as you have said." ⁶And Abraham went quickly into the tent to Sarah and said, "Quick! Three seahs of fine flour! Knead it, and make cakes." ⁷And Abraham ran to the herd and took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to a young man, who prepared it quickly. ⁸Then he took curds and milk and the calf that he had prepared, and set it before them. And he stood by them under the tree while they ate.
⁹They said to him, "Where is Sarah your wife?" And he said, "She is in the tent." ¹⁰The LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your wife shall have a son." And Sarah was listening at the tent door behind him. ¹¹Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. ¹² So Sarah laughed to herself, saying,my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?" ¹³The LORD said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?' ¹⁴ Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son." ¹⁵But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh," for she was afraid. He said, "No, but you did laugh." "After I am worn out, and
¹⁶Then the men set out from there, and they looked down toward Sodom. And Abraham went with them to set them on their way. ¹⁷The LORD said, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, ¹⁸seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? ¹⁹For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he has promised him." ²⁰Then the LORD said, "Because the outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is great and their sin is very grave, ²¹ I will go down to see whether they have done altogether according to the outcry that has come to me. And if not, I will know."

Abraham Intercedes for Sodom

²² So the men turned from there and went toward Sodom, but Abraham still stood before the LORD. ²³Then Abraham drew near and said, "Will you indeed sweep away the righteous with the wicked? ²⁴Suppose there are fifty righteous within the city. Will you then sweep away the place and not spare it for the fifty righteous who are in it? ²⁵Far be it from you to do such a thing, to put the righteous to death with the wicked, so that the righteous fare as the wicked! Far be that from you! Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?" ²⁶And the LORD said, "If I find at Sodom fifty righteous in the city, I will spare the whole place for their sake." ²⁷Abraham answered and said, "Behold, I have undertaken to speak to the Lord, I who am but dust and ashes. ²⁸Suppose five of the fifty righteous are lacking. Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five?" And he said, "I will not destroy it if I find forty-five there." ²⁹Again he spoke to him and said, "Suppose forty are found there." He answered, "For the sake of forty I will not do it." ³⁰Then he said, "Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak. Suppose thirty are found there." He answered, "I will not do it, if I find thirty there." ³¹He said, "Behold, I have undertaken to speak to the Lord. Suppose twenty are found there." He answered, "For the sake of twenty I will not destroy it." ³²Then he said, "Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again but this once. Suppose ten are found there." He answered, "For the sake of ten I will not destroy it." ³³And the LORD went his way, when he had finished speaking to Abraham, and Abraham returned to his place.

Genesis 19

God Rescues Lot

¹The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed himself with his face to the earth ²and said, "My lords, please turn aside to your servant’s house and spend the night and wash your feet. Then you may rise up early and go on your way." They said,"No; we will spend the night in the town square." ³But he pressed them strongly; so they turned aside to him and entered his house. And he made them a feast and baked unleavened bread, and they ate. ⁴But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. ⁵ And they called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them." ⁶Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, ⁷and said, "I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. ⁸Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof." ⁹But they said, "Stand back!" And they said, "This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them." Then they pressed hard against the man Lot, and drew near to break the door down. ¹⁰But the men reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them and shut the door. ¹¹And they struck with blindness the men who were at the entrance of the house, both small and great, so that they wore themselves out groping for the door.

________________________________________________

The first thing that I got from all of this was, "wow, why did I never pick up on the fact that God just visited Abraham in a form of man?" I think every time I read it, I thought, "Abraham was visited by three guys and oh look now God is talking to him. On I go." So, then the thoughts roll God and two angels, not the Trinity because in 19 it says two angels went to Sodom after the Lord mentioned going with them. After talking with him, he probed God the Father or God the Son. I go with God the Son. His mannerism in the way He talks with Abraham in their conversation with over Sarah and Sodom. Also, the fact is that Abraham could look at the Lord, yet with Moses we know that He couldn't look at the God the Father. So, God the Son also known as the pre-incarnate Christ.

However, this was not my final gain from this passage. As I went to bed thinking about the passage it hit me; Abraham's desire for hospitality. 1) He did know it was Christ that visited which showed his zeal. 2) He seemed to be waiting for them as he was outside his tent.

My thoughts on hospitality is that we are to commune with the lowly (not saying that Christ is in this passage just reflection). So, if we commune with Christ; Surely, we should commune with the lowly. Be ready for the visit, be ready to be hospitable! Greet your visitor with excitement (Abraham went running to his guests). He offered food, drink, and comfort, and they accepted it graciously. Abraham sat with them until they finished eating and he held conversation with them.

Then we get the interesting conversation with Abraham and God about Sodom. Here is where we see the love that God has for mankind. Now, in chapter 19 another scene of hospitality with Lot and the two angels. He takes them, almost gets killed for taking care of these two angels, and he offers his daughters for trade. I do not think this means for me upright and trade my boys (for those literal folk), but rather the importance that comes with housing a guest. You take care of your guests. As always, God takes care of His people.

Side-note on all this: God does not tolerate wickedness but rejoices in righteousness. This was a fun passage to probe.

The Attribute of Hospitality

2011-04-04T11:41:00.000-04:00

Reson and I had the privilege this Friday to house the Christian hip-hop artist Manafest. All of the youth groups in our area pitched in to help bring him to our town. This is the second time we have had Chris in the area, but this time we had the honor of having his band with him. It was a great time to get know these guys who truly love God. Chris is a meek man that has a wonderful heart. Travis is a ball of energy and fun to be around (they all were). Mike is one that seems quiet, but a great guy to sit and talk to. If you are looking for an alternative to the bad messages that hip-hip in the secular world offers, I highly recommend these guys.

All this to say that the bible passage that I have been stuck on lately has been Romans 12:9-21

Marks of the True Christian

⁹ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. ¹⁰ Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. ¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ¹³ Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. ¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. ¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil, butgive thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." ²⁰To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I look at it everyday, and think what can I do to make this list a reality. One that I want to show more (and not just with our youth group but with others) is "seek to show hospitality."

How often do we do that? Do we shut our homes off to people? Do we only open them to people we know and like? Will we open them up to people we really aren't sure about?

Do you have the marks of a Christian? If so, are you missing some of them? How can you make them apart of your life?

Every waking moment

2011-04-04T11:25:00.000-04:00

11) The human tongue and body to adapt to new flavors (for dad).
12) The dim lamp in the living room that gives fresh light to the darkness. It is a remembrance of of God's light in the darkness.
13) God's love expands beyond the sacrificing of a lamb, but the sacrificing of His Son.
14) The touch of my son rubbing my hair in the morning to wake me up.
15) Our human ability to forgive. The power is greater than we deserve.

Sleepless Peace

2011-03-25T01:06:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure that this has happened to me before: a sleepless peace. I am unable to sleep, and yet my heart has a resonated peace. My father is in a hospital bed less than a block away from my hotel room, peace. My mother sleeping next to him in a chair, peace. My wonderful husband snoring softly next to me, peace. My sons asleep in an unfamiliar environment, peace.

My morning began reading through the first 12 chapters of Genesis, testing my knowledge, my thoughts, my hermeneutics. I was piecing together words, moments, God... peace. It was the phone call at around noon that shock that peace. My mom on the other line sounding fresh from a good cry. Dad was being taken to the hospital, turns out his heart was in worse shape than expected... peace in dad's voice.

I put the boys down for their nap, making phone calls outside the front door. Warmth from the sun as I figure out my plan for the evening, praying with a dear friend, talking to dad, tears-peace. What is it about that voice that brings peace. My dad, my father.

What is it about this moment right now: the silence in a hotel bathroom that brings peace. My Father, my Dad. He is so good. I don't deserve this peace, and yet His grace, His mercy pours it upon my soul that I can breathe and lay in an unfamiliar bed with blessed assurance. Peace. How people live without it is beyond my comprehension. It's there if we simple grasp it, yet so often times we don't.

Peace... Joy... Yes, joy knowing that my dad is safe. Joy knowing that this peace can only come from the One. I can't give it to myself because I have no power and no control for what tomorrow brings, but knowing that He is in control, peace.

Thanksgiving for so much more than I can remember to be thankful for. So because I sit looking at chipped paint on a bathroom door I give thanks.

Rusted metal on hinges, thanks.

The sound of the neighboring room's TV, thanks.

Wedding ring sitting on the bars of soap, thanks.

Internet access through a non wireless source, thanks.

The hospital room number faded in my skin, thanks.

It's this life that we look at so one-sided, we miss these things. We are so caught up in the world of me, we miss it. He is there, and we miss Him.

Sad.

Oh, but when we choose to SEE... peace, joy, thanks. Prayers from people that are your brothers and sisters in Christ, JOY! THANKS! PEACE!

When I talked with Luk this afternoon about his Papa's surgery, he asked, "Does he have Jesus in his heart?" JOY! THANKS! If we all had the mind of a four year old, we would ask that wouldn't we!? Shouldn't we!? We would ask if those that we surround ourselves with had Christ in his or her lives, but we don't.

Sad.

My son asked the right question. It is not one to get offended by, but one that we should turn and ask those that we say we love (which IS all mankind). Smart boy! Foolish mom.

Thanksgiving for my dad's salvation. Thanksgiving for my son's question. Thanksgiving that God deems me worthy of sanctification. Thanks. Do you have it? Even in the midst of uncertainty, do you have sleepless peace or sleepless gut-wrenching worry?

One Thousand Gifts

6) My dad lying a hospital bed hooked up to monitors, breathing in oxygen, smiling as he sees his grandchildren walk into his room.

7) My mom and her hug of pure beauty. No one else has it.

8) The smell of hand sanitizers as it clears the hands (do you smell it? the aroma of Christ washing over you.)

9) My husbands soft snores. How blessed I am to spend another year with you. Happy Birthday!

10) Sleepless peace and resting in the promise from my Father.

One Thousand Gifts

2011-03-22T11:24:00.001-04:00

I have been reading this book for quite some time, but I haven't really been listing my thanks physically. They have just been in my thoughts and mind. Savoring them, my thanksgivings.

I decided it was tie to share them from time to time. We have become a society of selfishness and really a large group of ungrateful creations. So... I begin chronically my inner thoughts on thanks with you. Yes, it's Tuesday, but I'm making up for Monday.

1) Photos that capture the very essence of my life. The grins, the tears, and the adventures that God has planned for us.

2) Reading the book of Romans and feeling the convictions of "Marks of a True Christian."

3) Logan and his death defying scream. He is human; he is alive; he is my son; he is a bearer of God's image.

4) Luk's love. Sure, he's four and can be temper tantrum addict, but his love is true. It is genuine.

5) Reson's smell. It is his presence in my life everyday.

Jumbled

2011-03-04T09:33:00.000-05:00

Before I start I want to say that they word I am about to use in the next sentence will make my husband really happy. If he can use it everyday, or in most sentences he would. It's funny his love for the word.

I wish that I had clear SUMMATION of my thoughts. It's been all these jumbled up thoughts that have not really come together. Reson and I went to the Youth Summit that is held by Student Leadership University in Orlando. Day 1 was... convicting... I felt inadequate. Day 2 was uplifting with wonderful resources. The car ride home was really time for Reson and I to check ourselves.

It was mentally draining (in a good way).

Again, my thoughts are jumbled up, and I don't have a direct closing for them all, yet.

Stay tuned for the update and clarity.