Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Things that I know

So, the title makes me sound like I know it all, but on the contrary this list is smaller than the other. I have been doing blogs about Luk and our family, but I feel like many of you do not know how much blogging I actually do. The reason would be because it is on my myspace profile.
This is the one that shows how my thoughts go...

There are only a certain group of people that know me best Christ, Reson, my Mom, my Dad, Alissa, my twin brother Bobby, my brother Danny and his wife Amy, and Mikey. I would not have it any other way! They have seen the raw, exposed me. Now, I am up front about who I am, but these people have seen the uncensored me.
I have many people that are important to me in my life and would drop everything I was doing for them. That is what I am about, that is me. My heart may be on my sleeve for these people, but that is what is important in live...

The Lord has tested me, but I am ok with that. I know that He would not do it if He did not know that I truly loved him. I will be 23 on Sept 7th, and I can't believe everything I have gone through. I can't believe that I am still here breathing and able to talk about it. I never knew that the human body could go through soo much emotional torture.

My 23 years of life have seen many things: a relative in prison, a move to a new town (that was not that welcoming at first), betrayal of friends, graduation, marriage, friend's deaths and accidents, the devil's presence in a church (literally, that was life changing), 4 colleges, a son, a premature nephew, a paralyzed dog, a broken heart from a trusted person (twice), financial hurts, and much much more.

It is not easy listing these things, I look at them written down, and it freaks me out. I find it amazing how Satan will harbor sinful nature in bad times, but especially in all the good. I have felt guilty for friendships that should have worked, a healthy son, a living son, a stable household, new purchases, and having such a great family.

These are things that I have to pray and ask the Lord to help me in my feelings. He is my go-to guy. I don't do anything without His direction. My guilty conscience would not have it any other way. I prayed to Him about moving (no doubt, I was meant to go there), having my son (no doubt that was to happen, I had a miscarriage when I left Him out of the idea that would have been baby 2), Bobby Day (I had the funds for it), and my new camera (doubt set in, I saved for it years ago, and had to use the money for a more important matter, and now after about a year and a half I was able to save for it again).

I don't know where I am going with this, but that I would not have what I have if it was not for the Lord. He humbles me when I puff up, He loves me when I feel alone, and He gives me his grace and mercy when I do something that is not in His will. He is a just God because if He wasn't, I would not be here. People say you can die from a broken heart, I am just glad I didn't, I would have missed out on so much love and grace.

I don't know how people function without Him, I don't want to be one of those people. I need Him to give me peace because nobody on this Earth will give me the security He does. Through all the things in my life, I would not change anything except one thing, I wish I never knew that satan was capable of having his presence in a church. It was scary, I felt exposed, but sinful people allowed him to come in. I know that everything in my life has happened for a reason (including that situation), and I pray everyday for the Lord to expose those proposes in my life. I want a better understanding on how I am to serve Him. If you don't know Christ, you are missing out, and I will have no problem introducing you to Him.

God Bless Everyone! I love ya!
P.S. If you know some of this stuff in depth and want to comment just leave me a message. I still prefer to keep some specific things in private (that's life).

There's isn't much to say after all this. Just that I am grateful to have my parents in my life because they gave the knowledge of Christ. That's all I need to know, everything else is just too hard to get! =)

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