Friday, October 21, 2011

12 Years ago...

In two days my husband and I will be celebrating 12 years of being together.

It was the day that he asked me to be his girlfriend after a few months of writing letters and being friends. This is back when being friends was not hugging, kissing, holding hands, but friends that told each other everything, laughed, and cried together. We would write each other letters even within this friendship, and just recently I found them. Each letter I opened earnestly wondering when he wrote them, what it said, and each letter still giving me chills as I read them.

There is irony in many of them as we have been through some messy things with each other since the letter writing, yet I see the beauty in the mess that once was because it created quite the dynamic for us. Even though I didn't see it this way, there was beauty in that pain, and it rose and developed into the person that Christ has made me today. Reson and I have discussed how we are not the same people we married nine years ago, and that is a good thing! However, I can still see a resemblance of the character.

This is the beauty in the covenant of marriage to grow with one person who sees you for who you are: the ugly, the sad, the beautiful, the happy.

It is sharing the sanctification of God's work in your life that you can share with the closest person to you.  A marriage that can blossom through the hurt because each thing begins to define you.This past week I found our wedding invitations, an unfinished letter to my future husband (that he read for the first time last night), and other moments that are far in the past.

Over the past several months Reson has been working late hours at his job, and each day was getting harder and harder for him to connect with our boys and at moments with me. The light at the end of the tunnel was not so bright or visible until this week. After much prayer, fasting, and tears God has again proven His faithfulness to our family. Each night this week Reson coming home at 5:00pm, sharing dinner with us, and playing with our boys another reminder that his absence was draining. Dinner has never been so emotional in our house... at least for me anyways. The moment of praying together (the four of us), laughing at Logan's silly manners, and that moment when we all finish and Luk asks if he wants to play.

In just a nine days my husband will be ordained as a minister, and I am again reminded of God's faithfulness to us during this dark season. My husband has been diligently seeking God's will for his life, and it brings me such a peace knowing he seeks Christ for all his decisions. In 12 years I have seen a high school teenager turn into an amazing man of God. I am incredibly grateful that he is not the man I married; I have loved seeing the changes that God has created in him; I am still madly in love with my best friend.

Marriage is such a remarkable institution, and there are many people that don't value that. God, thank you for reminding daily that beauty will rise from the ashes! The gift that you have given me in Reson is one that I will never understand. Your orchestration of giving me my best friend to be my husband is something that I forever cherish...

Through the children, through loss of one, through the heart ache, and through the joy... You have willingly let me share that with a person that knows me better than anyone else. Thank you for the gift of marriage, companionship, love... when you said that it was not good for man to be alone and created woman... thank you for having YOUR story include us.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Trusting in Him and him

In just five days my husband and I will be celebrating 12 years of togetherness. It was then that my very good friend asked me to be his girlfriend. This past weekend I spent time cleaning my parents garage, and I came across a familiar box. Inside was a treasure, a goldmine, it held the start of my relationship with my husband. There were letters dated back to when we were just friends, to the night after he asked me to be his, our first kiss, and mention from our first fight. There was also a familiar book sitting next to the box it was our marriage counseling book with each of our thoughts and answers.

I look back at the time, and am reminded how much our love has grown, how with each letter I read I was still making me blush from his words, and that my love for him is an intense choice. Through times of dishonesty, miscarriage, and moments of the unknown my trust in Him, my Father has given me the opportunity to be a woman for Him. Through trusting in Him I can trust in the other him in my life, my husband.

The phone calls and talks asking about what to do about work, school, church, children the list can go on, but as I reflect on our 12 years I have given up much of myself to serve an almighty God who has flourished my marriage. Everyday I take steps to give it all up. Is that not what He has done for us?

In a world were being a woman means to be self sufficient, independent, and career based, it is hard to give all control of occupation to my husband. However, everyday I am reminded on the blessings it gives to my family.

It helps us keep into perspective the role that God placed for both of us.

My sons are getting to witness my failures, my repentance, and my strengths.

I am getting so see the way my boys tick.

I find the importance on embracing God's will for my life.

I've learned that unless I have a strong reservation in something I have complete trust in my husband's decisions about everything. It used to be that I would figure out where I stood on the matter, but now I acknowledge when I have a "I don't know" moment I give it up to both hims.

This has proven to be the hardest. When looking through our 9 year old marriage counseling books I found that I struggle with many of the same things I mentioned in that book, but I am in a different stage of struggle with it. Reson and I both acknowledge back then that He was the one that yielded and I was the winner in conversations...

We both laughed as we have clearly seen a change in that area. God's love for us has changed us from the people that we were when we dated and married. We are grateful for these changes because we were disgustingly messy, still are, but our quirks are being chipped away by our Father. Each season bringing a new thing to chip, each moment resting in His goodness, and each tick learning that choosing to see is the reason for our joy.

Lord, thank you for your love for us as your children. Thank you for your grace and mercy because of this you reveal our inefficiencies and bring sanctification. In this you show us that we are not forgotten and loved!