Monday, January 24, 2011


 I sit outside as I read a book on my Kindle. Luk is riding his bike testing his brakes. My husband is dismantling my car to figure out why we haven’t had sound. Logan is fast asleep taking his afternoon nap.

I look up.


“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

J.R.R Tolkien said that. What are we going to do with the time that God has bestowed on us? We are usually at church, doing something with the church or the youth, homeschooling, or this… fixing things that have gotten pushed back on the agenda, reading, play on a bike.


Luk takes his helmet off with wet hair underneath, “boy, I’m sweaty!” He says. Grateful. The sweat, the bodies trigger to cooling itself down. Art. God’s greatest masterpiece- us. The fall of man has created us into workers. Things will not coming easy that sweat pours down our face as evidence to it.

We work; we eat; we sleep.

Do we reflect? Do we see? Do we fix it?

This week has been a whole line of reflection of myself. We shouldn’t only reflect on New Year’s Eve because we need to make resolutions or because life has just gotten so disorganized you have to do something. No. As Christ followers, our reflection should be constant.


Marriage. The beautiful union between a man and woman joined into one flesh where they no longer have rights to themselves but to one another. I am his; he is mine. God is showing us a physical example of Christ’s love for the church. Man, how we screw that up. As I watch my car getting dissected two things come to mind: 1) I really hope it gets put back together right. 2) My husband is amazing and for those that are okay with the word, sexy.


11 years together almost eight years of them married, and we sure have changed! Both putting Christ in the forefront of everything we strive to do in this life. Everyday deciding that what we want to do with our time is be His. It’s not easy. Satan knows our battles our struggles, and he fights against us. However, if our God is for us who can even stand against us?  It’s the little things really. When I see my husband working on a car, playing with our boys, mowing the lawn… sexy. When he fights for what he knows is right, when he protects us, when he prays for God to keep His hedge of protection over us… sexy. Appreciative. Thanksgiving. JOY!


The fallen world strives on stealing that joy! Be lazy, men. The women of today can do it themselves. Ladies, don’t let a man do anything for you. What a joy it is to submit. Head over back to the “and we sure have changed” part. =) Seriously. I never would have seen the joy in submitting. Sure, I knew it was right, but the action of actually doing it, JOY! I know I can fix my car speakers, but what it was wonderful seeing my husband do it. Sure, I can mow; I can work full time; I can do anything. I can even open up a jar of pasta sauce, but at the moment I hand it over to strong husband to open it, JOY! He grins, opens it, and hands it back to me. Simple joy. Joy in seeing that he KNOWS I want him around and his help.


His help. God wants us to want His help. I can TRY and put something together in my life, but at the moment I hand it over to Christ He assembles His plan together with His divine hand, JOY! He shines down on my life: proud, happy. His sheep is magnifying His glory and honor. JOY!


Christ and the Church, the union of man and woman. God’s example to us. What is our daily application? Submission to God’s will for our lives. We are firmly in His grip with no means of being plucked from it. Giving up ourselves to have Him lead our way. He holds us tight in His mighty power. Marriage. Bond. Oneness. It’s that example of that one person in your life to give JUST a glimpse into the example of Christ’s love for us. He will quickly show His divine love when disappointment comes or there are trials in a marriage. The fall of man, His grace shines upon us, and we move forward in His word. We change. We forgive. We love. We become more like the image of Christ.


Constant reflection… on me.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Bewildered, Befuddled, Bemused

All of those things... that mind-blowing confusion, your mind is so engulfed in thought that when you stop for just a second you realize how exhausted you are from this thinking that has you bemused. This has happened numerous times as I have witnessed my brother in his ministry, and now as Reson and I are in ministry. When the wave hits prepare for the monsoon the reversal of winds from rain to drought, phases that catch you off guard.

There have been some verses that have been in my train of thought. I have my Colossians' verses on mind, and then there are a few more that have been in constant repeat. There are many that would have added the word "lost" to the list above, but I am not lost. I have scripture that is reinforcing my mind. The situations that my mind has been reeling about is what I find myself befuddled about. Our world is  desensitized to divorce, morality, modesty... the list could go on. In one day I had at least four Facebook statuses from friends showing this vulgarity; I was fuming. I would usually just delete my Facebook page, but then again these are people that I care about, Christians. It's almost like a FB page is their escape. So... to see what is going on outside of church/youth group, I find it pivotal to keep.

Now, to the scripture that keeps me from being lost in this grotesque world. Focus verses for this week are Colossians 1:3-8 (mainly 3-4)
3 We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, 4 because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— 5 the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel 6 that has come to you. In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace. 7 You learned it from Epaphras, our dear fellow servant, who is a faithful minister of Christ on our behalf, 8 and who also told us of your love in the Spirit. 

Since they heard the love of God and understood His grace they have been bearing fruit and been faithful. Paul and Timothy are thankful for them and pray for their continued faithfulness. The verses from last week show what the gift is for faithfulness:
1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,
 2 To God’s holy people in Colossae, the faithful brothers and sisters in Christ:
   Grace and peace to you from God our Father.

God was giving His people grace and peace for their fruitful and faithful living. What a gift! However, with those verses comes the hard stuff that I have had to read and those that aren't faithful through the example of the church and divorce. Malachi 2
10Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why then are we faithless to one another, profaning the covenant of our fathers? 11Judah has been faithless, and abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem. For Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the LORD, which he loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god. 12May the LORD cut off from the tents of Jacob any descendant brings an offering to the LORD of hosts! of the man who does this, who
 13And this second thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 But you say, "Why does he not?" Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom15Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. 16"For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers do not be faithless." you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless."

 Marriage is like that of Christ and His Church. He detests divorce, which comes from those that are faithless and show profanity to what God has put together. Which is really the way we should look at our relationship with Him, a covenant. Guarding our hearts around His teachings and staying faithful to Him. He is our Bridegroom. As for the other things that I have been dealing with Aaron Shust has a verse of the day widget on his blog, and it was fitting:

1 Corinthians 10
  13No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

I think that many misread this; it is NOT your way of escape, but HIS way of escape. Seek faithfulness to God, our Father. He will give us grace and peace. If you seek your will for your situation you will surely fail. In all things in life. I have to look to this and reflect this attitude in my life. No matter the situation divorce, bad family situations, disappointments stay faithful to God, and He will direct your path. Our God is so good, but so many times we don't stay faithful...

That is detestable... Praise God for His grace, mercy, salvation without it I would be doomed to an eternity in hell.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Teaching Luk

Beyond doing some learning on the computer alone, Luk usually likes for me to be right beside him when he is doing his reading. However, today we had to play catch up as we had an unexpected "off" day yesterday. So, after our Bible story (which I will talk about in a moment), we began on ETC. I set him up, and I began making lunch urging him to go ahead and start his lessons. He begins his reading, and stopping at the page of sentences.

Now, this is usually the worst time of the lesson. As he puts it, "I don't like sentences."  However, today he breezed right through without me even having to push him to try it out. I was very proud, and he had such confidence. He finished the rest of the pages with no problem and by himself (with only two times that he asked for clarity). It was nice to see him us his independence to read his sentences.

Now, our Bible lesson was on the Tower of Babel. Before we really got to that, I gave Luk a better understanding of our beautiful Compassion children:
 Smith (family)

Pataso (youth group)

We talked about where they lived in comparison to us, how they dress, their language, and their homes. Luk was sad that they were what we call in this country, "poor." Luk wanted to write, "I'm sorry you are poor." I informed him that they do not write things that would be hurtful to them. That everyone around them live like them. They do not even know really how we live. It was a moment for him. He was sad for them (he cried), but I was assuring him that he shouldn't be sad because they are apart of our family and we are helping them with opportunities. I showed him pictures of homes like Smith's, whose home is dirt floor, wood walls, and unknown roof. Pataso's home is made of bamboo flooring, bamboo walls, and roof made of leaves.

He seemed to take this to heart. He was very sensitive to this. We have talked about poverty and the way "our boys" live, but I'm not sure if it's age however his reaction was different about it today. I also showed him videos of people speaking their languages, which introduced the Bible lesson. Everyday we live in a world that is desensitized to true poverty, poor living conditions, etc. As Christians, we MUST sensitize our children to this. Life is so much more than about us. We must teach this.

We are blessed beyond measure, beyond what we deserve...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The birds are chirping this morning... er... no, but that's okay

I'm in the kitchen awaiting for the toaster sound to be made that my bagel is done. You know that spring released sound. As I wait though for that to interrupt my thoughts I listen to Adie Camp's "Redemption Song" watching both my boys eat their cereal. Logan is in his own little world testing gravity, and Luk is writing down names of the patients he is seeing today.

I reflecting on my what I like to call "Meditation" album on my iTunes. Yea, an album that seriously chills me out and makes me reflect on God and me. Only He and I. It is an intimate album for me, and it get played ALOT. As it should because anything that makes me reflect of the one God, the one Man that loves me most I should engulf everyday in it. As a mom you gotta search for that time because if not you are going to leave Him hanging, and that... well, that's just not wise is it.

This morning I woke up saying my memorization verse for the week. That's strange for me, I usually wake up thinking, "Logan please stop screaming." However, taking the challenge to learn all of Colossians has proven to wake me up in scripture. It is only my first week (I'm beginning one week behind), and if this is what I can hope for every morning; I think I can handle that.

"Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother. To God's holy people of Colossae, the faithful brothers and sisters in Christ. Grace and Peace to you from God our Father." Is that right? Let me look, I still have three days to learn it before I recite it to Reson.

Hold on...

Colossians 1

 1Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,  2 To God’s holy people in Colossae, the faithful brothers and sisters[a] in Christ:
   Grace and peace to you from God our Father.

Faithfulness to God MY FATHER will lead to grace and peace. That's a nice thing to wake up to. This new year has brought about new "resolutions" that I didn't really think I was going to start. However, for me they are not resolutions, they are convictions, life changes that need to happen for the beauty of sanctification. As my wonderful friend Jennifer remind me, sanctification is a beautiful thing. A transformation done by the only person that can Christ. He takes me, changes me, and I become more like His image.

Convictions for the this upcoming year:
- More budget maintenance  (sorry just got distracted by Logan spilling Gerber Stars all over the kitchen)
- Bible Memorization
- Weight Loss (getting back to pre-Logan weight)

Faithfulness in Christ. Immersing myself in His teachings, His commands, His love for me. As I write that my album has played "Redemption Song" again. Timing... God's timing, His talk to us through the things that we do.

Voice of mercy, breath of God
Life from life sustaining us
Earth below and skies above
Beautiful redemption’s song
Melodies like morning rise
Darkness leaning toward the dawn
Into our sorrow sings the light
Beautiful redemption song

Hallelujah, love is come
Hallelujah, God with us
Hope restored and death undone
Beautiful redemption song
Beautiful redemption song

Weeping will not last the night
Nor will sadness be for long
Joy was born of sacrifice
Beautiful redemption song

Let the wounded come and see
Empty grave and lifted stone
Sinners saved and captives, free
Beautiful redemption song
Beautiful redemption song

Next comes "Meteor Shower" and "In Christ Alone" by Adam Young aka Owl City. He's redeeming me, He's with me and I desperately need Him there, and He has saved me (sorry interrupted again because now Luk is school teacher and needed his sign hung up).

As I stand in the kitchen this all happens in a mornings span all before it is time for me to do school with Luk. "Here in the power of Christ I'll stand." I have to start my mornings right with Christ immersing my soul because if not... Mr. Doctor, Mr. Teacher, and Mr. Gravity Tester may get to be too much. =D

I'll stand in the power of Christ... in His shelter

Monday, January 3, 2011

My Reflection: 2010

Literally, I look at my reflection in the mirror, and I'm just not the same person I was in January 2010. Today January 3, 2011, I see someone that is no where the person I was when I got married, when I had Luk, and when I had Logan. If you think you know, but haven't had a conversation with me in the last few months... you don't know me. You may think you know me, or you think you know how to perceive me... you may come to find out you were wrong.

As I was sitting in church yesterday listening to the sound biblical teachings from my pastor, I kept thinking just how much God changed my image. We were originally designed in His image, but oh how sin has changed that, but each day that I look to better my relationship with Christ He seems to chip away at areas that have been stuck to me since before my birth.

Reson and I had some alone time last night as we were driving home from church, and I was able to vent about some of things that have been bothering me. It was not anything that had to do with him, but just life as an American. I am frustrated with actions, life styles, etc. I think that when God puts in your heart the love for foreign missions (missions in general), you can't look at your life and be satisfied. No, not when millions of people of are fighting for food, clean water, jobs, family, and fighting for God.

My husband let me know that he supports my decision to go on Compassion Sponsor Trip to Peru this September. I cry thinking about it. I know that many things will come from this, but I'm hoping that the anger and frustration I feel for my "plush" life will subside a bit. I know my fuel for missions will ignite higher, but I hope that I feel...

like I did more than just sit back and not let the poverty of others effect me. How do people live everyday thinking you are privileged or that you deserve to be served?

During my trip I will be getting more knowledge about Compassion International and their work in Peru. I will also get cultural teachings, complete community service, have corporate worship with the people there, and lastly meet Smith.

I cry thinking about it. My husband is giving me this opportunity to meet an 8 year old boy that we, ultimately, feel is one of our own. For his birthday (he shares my father's birthday), we sent him extra money. He shared how he was able to buy new shoes and supply his family with groceries. So, not only do we have an 8 year old boy that we love dearly, but his family. I am grateful for organizations like Compassion. They allow two families from two different walks of life to come together on a journey in life that will never be forgotten. He just needs an opportunity.I'm going to see that opportunity.

My 2010 self is a different being that cannot even comprehend how I put up with my 2009 self. My 2011 self, I know, will not know how I dealt with myself in 2010. When I think of this... I am beyond appreciative to Reson. He knows that he is not married to the same woman he married in 2003. It is a good thing he has changed with me in many of the same ways, if not, he would be one mad husband. Instead, he holds tight to me, loves me, cherishes me, and supports me. So, I think to myself not only have I had to deal with my changes I make another being go through it with me. For that, I know God has put me with the man of my dreams.

2010 is gone, and 2011 is coming with new convictions, trials, and triumphs. I am ready: heart guarded, Bible opened, and heart/body/soul/mind ready to persevere and listen.