Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Trusting in Him and him

In just five days my husband and I will be celebrating 12 years of togetherness. It was then that my very good friend asked me to be his girlfriend. This past weekend I spent time cleaning my parents garage, and I came across a familiar box. Inside was a treasure, a goldmine, it held the start of my relationship with my husband. There were letters dated back to when we were just friends, to the night after he asked me to be his, our first kiss, and mention from our first fight. There was also a familiar book sitting next to the box it was our marriage counseling book with each of our thoughts and answers.

I look back at the time, and am reminded how much our love has grown, how with each letter I read I was still making me blush from his words, and that my love for him is an intense choice. Through times of dishonesty, miscarriage, and moments of the unknown my trust in Him, my Father has given me the opportunity to be a woman for Him. Through trusting in Him I can trust in the other him in my life, my husband.

The phone calls and talks asking about what to do about work, school, church, children the list can go on, but as I reflect on our 12 years I have given up much of myself to serve an almighty God who has flourished my marriage. Everyday I take steps to give it all up. Is that not what He has done for us?

In a world were being a woman means to be self sufficient, independent, and career based, it is hard to give all control of occupation to my husband. However, everyday I am reminded on the blessings it gives to my family.

It helps us keep into perspective the role that God placed for both of us.

My sons are getting to witness my failures, my repentance, and my strengths.

I am getting so see the way my boys tick.

I find the importance on embracing God's will for my life.

I've learned that unless I have a strong reservation in something I have complete trust in my husband's decisions about everything. It used to be that I would figure out where I stood on the matter, but now I acknowledge when I have a "I don't know" moment I give it up to both hims.

This has proven to be the hardest. When looking through our 9 year old marriage counseling books I found that I struggle with many of the same things I mentioned in that book, but I am in a different stage of struggle with it. Reson and I both acknowledge back then that He was the one that yielded and I was the winner in conversations...

We both laughed as we have clearly seen a change in that area. God's love for us has changed us from the people that we were when we dated and married. We are grateful for these changes because we were disgustingly messy, still are, but our quirks are being chipped away by our Father. Each season bringing a new thing to chip, each moment resting in His goodness, and each tick learning that choosing to see is the reason for our joy.

Lord, thank you for your love for us as your children. Thank you for your grace and mercy because of this you reveal our inefficiencies and bring sanctification. In this you show us that we are not forgotten and loved!

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