My Reflection: 2010

Literally, I look at my reflection in the mirror, and I'm just not the same person I was in January 2010. Today January 3, 2011, I see someone that is no where the person I was when I got married, when I had Luk, and when I had Logan. If you think you know, but haven't had a conversation with me in the last few months... you don't know me. You may think you know me, or you think you know how to perceive me... you may come to find out you were wrong.

As I was sitting in church yesterday listening to the sound biblical teachings from my pastor, I kept thinking just how much God changed my image. We were originally designed in His image, but oh how sin has changed that, but each day that I look to better my relationship with Christ He seems to chip away at areas that have been stuck to me since before my birth.

Reson and I had some alone time last night as we were driving home from church, and I was able to vent about some of things that have been bothering me. It was not anything that had to do with him, but just life as an American. I am frustrated with actions, life styles, etc. I think that when God puts in your heart the love for foreign missions (missions in general), you can't look at your life and be satisfied. No, not when millions of people of are fighting for food, clean water, jobs, family, and fighting for God.

My husband let me know that he supports my decision to go on Compassion Sponsor Trip to Peru this September. I cry thinking about it. I know that many things will come from this, but I'm hoping that the anger and frustration I feel for my "plush" life will subside a bit. I know my fuel for missions will ignite higher, but I hope that I feel...

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like I did more than just sit back and not let the poverty of others effect me. How do people live everyday thinking you are privileged or that you deserve to be served?

During my trip I will be getting more knowledge about Compassion International and their work in Peru. I will also get cultural teachings, complete community service, have corporate worship with the people there, and lastly meet Smith.

I cry thinking about it. My husband is giving me this opportunity to meet an 8 year old boy that we, ultimately, feel is one of our own. For his birthday (he shares my father's birthday), we sent him extra money. He shared how he was able to buy new shoes and supply his family with groceries. So, not only do we have an 8 year old boy that we love dearly, but his family. I am grateful for organizations like Compassion. They allow two families from two different walks of life to come together on a journey in life that will never be forgotten. He just needs an opportunity.I'm going to see that opportunity.

My 2010 self is a different being that cannot even comprehend how I put up with my 2009 self. My 2011 self, I know, will not know how I dealt with myself in 2010. When I think of this... I am beyond appreciative to Reson. He knows that he is not married to the same woman he married in 2003. It is a good thing he has changed with me in many of the same ways, if not, he would be one mad husband. Instead, he holds tight to me, loves me, cherishes me, and supports me. So, I think to myself not only have I had to deal with my changes I make another being go through it with me. For that, I know God has put me with the man of my dreams.

2010 is gone, and 2011 is coming with new convictions, trials, and triumphs. I am ready: heart guarded, Bible opened, and heart/body/soul/mind ready to persevere and listen.