More of the unexpected

Sunday, our church hosted a Compassion Sunday, and I was out of my comfort zone sharing the work that Compassion International does and meeting Smith. 7 out of the 11 children were sponsored that morning, and it was a precious moment! But what has really been unexpected is how much I miss Smith. Cooking time is just not the same as I prepare the meals, I think to myself... there's plenty here for four more. As I look at my warm house, I think of their cool winter, and I have comfy warm beds in my house. I can't stop thinking about him and his family.

There is a significant void in my heart, that I just can't shake away. After Compassion Sunday, I told my husband, "I really miss him today!" How can I miss someone that I only spent seven hours with?

How can I miss Gabriela who I only met for an hour or two?

How can I miss hundreds of Compassion children all over Peru.

 
My heart is aching over this. I am sad over it. I am sitting here crying (the ugly cry) over it.

Then another unexpected hit me. My husband and I tuned into the Live Link for Passion, and the very last song hit me so hard. It is one I have listened to, meditated over before my trip, but tonight was the first time I heard it after the trip. I'm sobbing over it. It is Christy Nockel's "Waiting Here for You."

"If faith can move the mountains, let the mountains move. 

We come with expectation waiting here for you."

That's as far as I got, and the puddles of tears started flowing. Uncontrollable, there was no warning, I knew the song was coming, just in a matter of words I was undone. As I moved up on that mountain to Smith's house I was expecting the most amazing thing from God, and He delivered it to me. How more could that apply to me. Literally!

I knew that there were some songs already that gathered a new meaning to me because I listened to them on the plane ride home. It was specifically Shaun Groves' "Third World Symphony" album. I can't explain it because it is indescribable to know a song, and it tear you apart within moments. I usually choke up, and I know it's coming. This is different as the tears just flow with no hesitation at all. Oh Smith, Gabriela, Edita... you are missed more than you will ever comprehend because I myself can't even put it into words. 

Lord, I don't know my next step. You are the author of all things that must happen to fulfill YOUR story. You tell me "when," "where," and "how." I don't already know the "why." Fill this void in my heart because right now at this very moment the pain I have is a deafening scream in inner most being.