My Holiday Spirit: Laden

My house is anything but quiet today; it is anything but quiet on most days. Inside is the ring of talk, screaming, and the evening snores at the end of a hectic day. There are moments that I pause, the holiday season speeding by not waiting for me to catch up, and I wonder what I am doing wrong? I stare at our Christmas Tree laden with the Word, to be weighed down, to draw water! Isn’t that what the Word does? It draws everlasting water to our thirsty souls. To find that HE is the only one to quench that drought that tries to dwell in our inner most being. It battles with the Holy Spirit while our sin tries to spread through out vessels so that we can feel like we will NEVER have healing.

I stop for once to just listen to the music playing, and I am reminded of the beauty behind the keys, and it brings me back to just listening, "The Promise." The song’s name and I can’t help be thing of the Ultimate Promise that has been the focus of each night before laying in bed,

There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit. And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD. And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD. Is 11:1-3

I close my eyes, and I just listen to that promise, the only one that can bring truth to my life. What am I doing wrong, when I lose my temper, when I complain, or when I just don’t want to deal with the chaos? I crank up the music that I have been ignoring for some time, "Waiting Here For You" the keys each touching a part of me that I want to refine, I need to refine because deep down I know what a failure I am without Him.

One evening, I am told I love the younger more than older. Pain sears my heart from the mouth of a child, he later apologizes saying,

“I know you love me!”

It’s hard for me to believe he believes it.

“Do you, do you know?”  Heart aching knowing I know!

“Yes, because you have the Holy Spirit living inside you!”

Silence, water filling in my weary eyes, what? The saying out of the mouth of babes, but I know that there is only One that is gracious enough to let those words spill out of his mouth. Then the Lord opens my eyes to His desire to use me. I don’t understand it, nor do I try because within it all lies a woman broken and fallen. It is a woman that loses her temper, cries in defeat, and I grumble at my circumstance. Then I read the words,

“God appoints people who do disappoint – to point to a God who never disappoints.”

Yes, Lord. My only desire that through it ALL it ALL points to You!

I go to the Word so that it may laden my soul,

Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy; you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy. 1 Peter 1:13-16

I go knowing that my soul will be weighed down in truth, that my spirit will remember that GRACE will be given to me through Christ. THE PROMISE! 

He will come from the line of Jesse.

He will present rest to the Spirit of the Lord.

He will be wise and full of understanding.

He will give counsel and might.

He will have knowledge.

He will fear the Lord!

He will delight in the fear of the Lord!

As His obedient child I strive to fight the conformity of my past, and my passion is to be holy through HIM! Lord, what am I doing wrong in all this? I know. I start to conform to the old me: self-reliance, self-seeking, SELF. What I’m doing wrong is not remembering YOU reliance, YOU seeking, YOU!

I don't refine, He refines!

Thank you, Lord for your promise, your use of me, and for letting me disappoint to point to you! Thank you for your constant wisdom, understanding, counsel, might, knowledge, and example of fear. Thank you for loving me enough laden my spirit, for drawing me to your water, and for calling me to your purpose!

Continue to shine, Lord.

Continue to convict, Lord.

Continue to give grace, Lord.

I would be concerned with my life if this weren’t the case.