The piano begins striking me as usual, but this time the words hit me harder than usual. God, are you seeing me as the same from last year. I would say, "no!" You have chipped away at parts of me that I didn't want chipped. You have plucked things out from me that I would have preferred left in. You even tore down walls around my heart that I give thanksgiving for. The walls of misunderstanding, the walls of naivety to what I assumed, and You gave me a new heart for a people I didn't really know I could have.
I learned to throw away my perceptions on appearances, on love, on gratitude... on joy.
It has been a year of transformation in my life and with new convictions surfacing over moments. One of the greatest thanks is giving me a husband so full of understanding and sensitivity to these changes in my heart.
Was it the words of what You realized?
And the first time, that You opened your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath, that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever
The words create a lump in my throat because I wonder, what did He fully know that night? Did He fully comprehend His fully man, fully God nature? Did He know that night?
Did He?
Every night reading scripture leading up to this moment God's plan was so divine, so holy, so planned. From the beginning before He was born from the virgin He knew that He would come down to be the ultimate sacrifice, but once placed here on the earth did He know? What does a fully man/fully God nature know at infancy? I believe He knew because the favor of God was upon Him.
However, those were not the part of the song that got me weeping on my nearly asleep two year old. It was the sound of sleigh bells, the strokes of the keys, and these words:
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so that I might really live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life
We forget. We read scripture of Christ as a man, and we forget that HE IS MAN! He was tempted; He was a laborer; He had friends; He had brothers; He was PERFECT! He came as a baby. Even though his parents knew what he would become they still did not understand who HE really was. He is, I AM!
It's hard to imagine that I celebrate the day that He was born to die so that I could pray for Him to cleanse me from my sin, so that I could pray for Him to save me from myself. I proclaim my observation of this day. It's not about a man in a red suit eating cookies and milk. No, I celebrate a day that God came down fully man/fully God to trade his righteousness for shame. This is truth. It is a truth that makes me weep over my baby. I weep over the words that make me remember.
God continue to mold me into your imagine. Forgive me for not remembering. Thank you for your grace, your mercy, your love! You are holy; You are just; You are GOD!
If you haven't heard this song, here it is:
No comments:
Post a Comment