Friday, March 25, 2011

Sleepless Peace

I'm not sure that this has happened to me before: a sleepless peace. I am unable to sleep, and yet my heart has a resonated peace. My father is in a hospital bed less than a block away from my hotel room, peace. My mother sleeping next to him in a chair, peace. My wonderful husband snoring softly next to me, peace. My sons asleep in an unfamiliar environment, peace.

My morning began reading through the first 12 chapters of Genesis, testing my knowledge, my thoughts, my hermeneutics. I was piecing together words, moments, God... peace. It was the phone call at around noon that shock that peace. My mom on the other line sounding fresh from a good cry. Dad was being taken to the hospital, turns out his heart was in worse shape than expected... peace in dad's voice.

I put the boys down for their nap, making phone calls outside the front door. Warmth from the sun as I figure out my plan for the evening, praying with a dear friend, talking to dad, tears-peace. What is it about that voice that brings peace. My dad, my father.

What is it about this moment right now: the silence in a hotel bathroom that brings peace. My Father, my Dad. He is so good. I don't deserve this peace, and yet His grace, His mercy pours it upon my soul that I can breathe and lay in an unfamiliar bed with blessed assurance. Peace. How people live without it is beyond my comprehension. It's there if we simple grasp it, yet so often times we don't.

Peace... Joy... Yes, joy knowing that my dad is safe. Joy knowing that this peace can only come from the One. I can't give it to myself because I have no power and no control for what tomorrow brings, but knowing that He is in control, peace.

Thanksgiving for so much more than I can remember to be thankful for. So because I sit looking at chipped paint on a bathroom door I give thanks.

Rusted metal on hinges, thanks.

The sound of the neighboring room's TV, thanks.

Wedding ring sitting on the bars of soap, thanks.

Internet access through a non wireless source, thanks.

The hospital room number faded in my skin, thanks.

It's this life that we look at so one-sided, we miss these things. We are so caught up in the world of me, we miss it. He is there, and we miss Him.


Oh, but when we choose to SEE... peace, joy, thanks. Prayers from people that are your brothers and sisters in Christ, JOY! THANKS! PEACE!

When I talked with Luk this afternoon about his Papa's surgery, he asked, "Does he have Jesus in his heart?" JOY! THANKS! If we all had the mind of a four year old, we would ask that wouldn't we!? Shouldn't we!? We would ask if those that we surround ourselves with had Christ in his or her lives, but we don't.


My son asked the right question. It is not one to get offended by, but one that we should turn and ask those that we say we love (which IS all mankind). Smart boy! Foolish mom.

Thanksgiving for my dad's salvation. Thanksgiving for my son's question. Thanksgiving that God deems me worthy of sanctification. Thanks. Do you have it? Even in the midst of uncertainty, do you have sleepless peace or sleepless gut-wrenching worry?

One Thousand Gifts

6) My dad lying a hospital bed hooked up to monitors, breathing in oxygen, smiling as he sees his grandchildren walk into his room.

7) My mom and her hug of pure beauty. No one else has it.

8) The smell of hand sanitizers as it clears the hands (do you smell it? the aroma of Christ washing over you.)

9) My husbands soft snores. How blessed I am to spend another year with you. Happy Birthday!

10) Sleepless peace and resting in the promise from my Father.

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