Peru: Meeting Smith

Women... You know when you have had enough of being pregnant, and you just want to meet your baby. But then you get frightened because you have NO idea what that child is going to be like. They will likely be completely opposite of your first born, or if it's your first they could be a complete tyrant (this goes for Logan). You wonder just what kind of child God has in store for you.

I sat listening to Sean (Tour Leader) talk about what to "expect," which was to just enter into the whole situation with no expectations. I failed at that because after the past few days I was expecting the mighty hand of God to be over the whole experience, and I KNEW it was going to be good. However, I was wrong...

it was incredibly better than that!!!

As we approached the zoo, I began to uncontrollably sob. At that very moment all I wanted was to have my husband with me. He is the one that is good with conversation, good with children and teens, and most of all good with people he has never met. I was terrified. I wanted him there as a buffer, and I couldn't control the tears. I regrouped, and walked what seemed like the longest entrance to a zoo, but I'm sure it was just the nerves behind it all. As we make our way to the entrance there they all stood, and soon children were running to their sponsors. I looked around thinking, these are all girls... where is Smith? Soon after just a minute those that were alone filed out of the commotion looking around at one another.

Sole (Peru-Tour Leader) said, "come this way, there are more children over here." However, before I could go any further three people began to approach me, and I looked and I knew it was him. I said, "Smith!" Needless to say, that was the end of it. He ran to me, I dropped to one knee, and received the greatest and longest hug I have ever had.

He begins chasing the birds as we wait to get in, and I am pleasantly surprised to find out that his mom is the person that came with him. His letter writing was usually vague about her, but mentioned his father in each as being sick.

My eyes are puffy and swollen from the tears, and all I can do is stare at him. I can't believe he is right there in front of me. You know that he exists, you read his letters, but to feel the embrace is so overwhelming that I can't stop myself from watching him.

I excuse myself in from the start because I know that the camera will not stop, but it did. I just wanted to see him do his thing. I wanted him to enjoy the zoo because this was a treat for him as it was for me. I'm not sure that I still believe this happened... it just seemed surreal...

He enjoys his new binoculars, the taste of cotton candy, and the adventure of using my camera. All the while I just watch in disbelief.

He loves his mom.

I love his mom, and I all I can do is thank her for sharing him with me because I know it takes a big heart to do what is best for your child. She has one. A heart that will walk down a steep mountain to send him to school and Compassion everyday, a heart that works tremendous hours to supply what she can, and a big heart to let an American woman love him like her own.

I ask for a video for my family, and he is a natural in front of the camera!

The day is half over, and I hate the thought of leaving him and his mom. I just want to go with him, yet we must part buses to go eat lunch. He thinks that he is leaving for good, and begins to panic. We ease his anxiety when we say we will share lunch together. After our meal together he shared his dessert with me, and we went to play in the clubhouse... that proved to be dangerous for me anyways!

Once we finished the adventures of the slide and the ball attack, I shared the gifts that I had for him. His gratitude and smile was something that I had never experienced before. They were things that I thought would be of help: tarp, utensils, towels, wash clothes, clothes, hats, ball, frisbee.... and his appreciation for the items was more than I bargained for. With each item that was pulled out of the bag came one of his hugs... and they spoke for themselves. In one post I put how Christ was coming nearer and nearer He was getting there... just not yet...

His love for me was more than I could have ever imagined. A woman with God as her expectation, and He was demolishing it one hug, one smile at a time. The final stop of visit was right outside the restaurant where we played ball, but as we were having a wonderful time together I noticed a precious face looking on solemnly... so I invited him to take my place.

I cannot even tell you the joy that boy had that he took my spot. I cannot describe to you the joy that filled my heart seeing Smith love and play with this boy, Tony. It was precious. I sat back and watched thinking... "I sponsored the BEST kid EVER!"

And just like that our visit was over...

I thought our first hug was the longest and greatest, but it was quickly replaced by our final hug. As I pulled him away to tell him how much he was loved tears streamed down his face. The tear in my heart began to rip and pierce a pain that I have never felt before. It was a disgusting gut wrenching pain. I didn't want to let him go... he didn't want me to. It was painful. The translator told me, "this is so touching, I'm just trying to stay professional and not cry."

His head dug deep into my shoulder, and he just kept on embracing. His hot tears wetting my shoulder, and it was the pain of God's blessing ripping me apart. There was nothing like it. Nothing.

Picture of a Picture by Christian Metzler Photography

Just like that he was gone back home with the promise that we would be back in July. Trust me I can't wait!!!

I thought that was the end for us on this trip, but little did I know the surprise someone had in store for me... but you'll have to wait for that post later!

Peru: Expect it

Louie Giglio said it at Student Life camp this summer, that we need to expect great things from God because He delivers greatness. I think that is a good depiction on how I went into this week in Peru.


Then before I could I start telling my husband about my last day in Peru he shared this quote from Scotty Smith with me,  

"Presuming "God's blessings" are always enjoyable and happy-makers

is like presuming surgery will be pain free and fun."

That's it! I used to have this narrow minded assumption of God's blessings, and then He opens this mind and showers me with truth, and my heart aches uncontrollably. I watch the dance in awe.

I see the dedication in their eyes, the skirt being held by the wind, and an audience soaking it in with pride. I humbled pride that I have not seen very often. There's another tear in my heart... the aged looking at the joy of the children.

I wonder their thoughts on the visitors from a far land because everyone is always curious of one's intent. I watch on seeing a child escape into thought.

Does he wonder where his sponsor is? Is he curious if he will ever meet them? Do they write him? Does he understand that he is truly loved?

We leave to see a home. A beautiful family taking pride in their home, toys, and items. They are grateful, they give thanksgiving for what they have, and they share with us.

The visit is short in comparison to the day, and my need to want to sit and watch lingers in my stomach. It was a moment were the only thing that I wanted to do was watch, embrace the moment, and let it tear my heart again. The empty classroom will soon be full with smiles, the picture on the wall a beautiful example of Jesus' prayer, and I just want to absorb it all with time. 

Christ bowing down to his Father asking to take the cup from Him, and I begging for my cup to be filled. In the world I live in the cup gets empty quick with ungratefulness, selfish ambition, and greed. I just want it filled with truth and love. I want to see what there is, and how God is working. I expect greatness from Him and expect nothing less.

I stand alone wanting to inhale all this commotion, but then there he sits alone on the ledge. I wonder why he is alone, looking stoic at the chaos... I stand by him, and my short stature puts me to his knees. I look at him asking what is wrong, he shrugs. He seems sad, but is not really showing it, but just in his eyes. The translator intrigue by the exchange comes over, and we begin to talk. He asks about my camera, its' amount, he wonders about who we really are coming and visiting. I answer the questions, handing him the camera for a test run. I ask about his sponsor. He has one, they write, and he is happy about that. 

I feel connected to him, he reminds me of my own back home. He is the oldest in the project, and he just stares off watching. I wonder he's really thinking, but I am not sure. As we go to leave I take a picture with him, give him gum, and then he asks quietly, "Can I have your number?" 

 

Sigh... the answer must be "no." He felt the connection; he felt loved, and I can only hope that I left an impression that gives him hope for his future. My cup is full with this young man's love. He just wanted conversation and some time to talk. He indented my heart scarring it further. Lord, may you give this boy love, care after him, and let him know that a woman from Florida is praying for him daily. It was a good thing he had a sponsor because I would have snatched him up in a second, but God knew what He was doing... He was saving another one just for us!

Peru: a harder hit with reality

"I sponsor a child in Bolivia." 

- The director of the Peru CI 

You know that moment when you grasp the truth behind something, and you sit and soak it in to better understand your own thoughts on the matter? I had that moment twice in one day. I believed in Compassion International before the start of my trip, but within a single moment I had a further faith in it. When you work for an organization that you believe in you support it, and you want to be apart of what they are doing. You can't just work there anymore, you want to get blessed by it.

The truth behind gratitude is that it is an emotion. The American way is to pay someone back to show your gratitude, or you feel that you can never repay them. I'm telling you now that is NOT true gratitude. It is the tugging in  your heart to offer your very best when you have the least. It is that moment when you hug and kiss another person from a far away country that you will never see again, but you know that the crater they left in your heart is never going to recover. Their gratitude pierces you so deeply there is no need for monetary value because the emotion behind sufficed for a lifetime.

The act of gratitude given from the eyes,

 in a dance,

in the act of sharing your home...

It is a sacred moment when someone shares their gratitude; it lays down the pride of our human condition, and it allows that human condition to reflect the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. We sit back and we are able receive it. The hardest part about receiving is that we are reminded of our condition, and at that moment we have to fall face down at the feet Jesus bathing in His precious blood remembering that He gave us ALL the greatest gift; Himself. 

We then are able to see through His love, and we see that joy in our lives.

It is a joy of children surrounding you with smiles and love, and you get it... JOY! A face of pure contentment with what you are doing at that very moment. You feel it crept up your legs into your stomach, stomp on your heart, and there it is when you see that everything you are doing is glorify your Father.

It is right there in this picture where I sit and think of a joy...

Joy weakens me like a wound. Oh, You're coming closer and it's hard to take in that 

I have wasted so much fear and devotion. But there's no time left for my regrets 

when You're calling. - Further Up/Further In- My Epic

Those words never seemed truer as ache with the joy of His presence in a church in Peru surrounded by children and selfless workers. The truth behind that in a box there is something very important...

in this box is something so important that God designed out of His image and love...

in this box is...

YOU!!!

Tears burn down my face... is this something only children need to hear... or is my heart on fire with this simple truth that she teaches the moms to tell their children?

She reassures me that adults need to hear this too, and that she tears up when she sees the childrens' reaction behind this truth. 

I sit shaken. He is getting closer, but He has left Himself still far enough away from me so that I keep seeking Him... 

*Tuesday*

Peru: Compassion Sponsor Tour- Beginning

I'm sitting in bed with the sounds of city traffic below me, yet this is no normal city traffic. It is the honks, beeps, tire screeching sounds of the developing country of Peru. The voices of citizens echo across the streets, and even being six stories up sounds as if they are right next door. These sounds exceed the normal curfew of 11:00pm, and continue on through the night into the next day. The whistles blow and alarms sound, and I am reminded that I am of insignificance to the world. The people on the streets are busy with life, the buses have to be somewhere, and vendors are out to make a buck. I sit scrambling around trying to figure my thoughts of the past four days. Knowing I don't want to forget a single impression, yet wanting to let it process and embed deeper into my being.

And I sit thinking were do I even begin to express the meager thoughts from me.

The high end security was fresh as the tenth of September began, and with the eleventh looming nearer the area was tense... until you reached gate D16. 44 people all with one purpose with one goal to get to Peru and to be blessed by the work of Compassion International (little did I know this would soon become an understatement). My seat of choice at the gate was by a wide smiled Shan from Japan.  I small glimpse into the life I want to live at some point. A young beautiful homeschooled girl with more wisdom than any 15 year old I know sitting next to me on the plane. The presence of humor and adventure in the roommate chosen for me.

All apart of God's intricate plan for our lives, and I just sit reflecting on how this is going to bring me into His will.

The day was long with travel, muscles anxious to escape the confines of the micro space, and longing to see what lies ahead in a country that houses 8.5 million people in one town, Lima. The evening births morning and the walk begins through the streets were my husband once walked 15... 16 years ago. The city has changed, the people more skilled more developed, and I am just walking, breathing it all in.  The church entrance is full of pastries, people, knowledge, and longing. Modern technology in the middle of a world stricken with poverty, people here for one purpose to worship the Creator of this very moment. The moment when people of from two different worlds embrace, and come to the feet of an Almighty Father.

The time is short, the impression is sweet, and I wonder will I ever understand the true calling for my life. Balaam, a man of selfish ambition brought to humility and surrender through a donkey's intelligence. The market is full, the vendors are bartering, and the white people looks confused as words are spilled and numbers thrown in a foreign tongue. A nativity scene in the window ahead seems like  wonder in this mass chaos.

The evening races in, and I'm off to bed...

To say that the evening was slept without interrupt would be a fabrication because the night is young in a city of entertainment. The coffee is sweet and soothing to my heart as I seat reading 1 Peter...

Is it legal to read my Bible here... "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." Should I put it away just in case it is... "But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed." Why would I even consider putting my Bible away and I am reading this passage? It isn't even illegal.

I take the ability to read the Word out in the open for grated. I take the silence around me at home for granted. I take the water I can drink from the faucet for granted. The ride on the bus is bumpy and long. The traffic is bumper-to-bumper, a fight to see who can honk first once the light is green, and I stare out the window. The Compassion Office colored in blue and the presence of God is magnifying right through. The staff lead us in worship, and the ball in my throat makes it hard to swallow. The realization that the people that make it possible for me to write to Smith are in this very room. I fight back the tears hearing the how the gears to this master clock. It is a well oiled machine that seems unbelievable to listen to it's inner workings.

They worship with such honesty that you turn to look inside the core of yourself at your own honesty. There were three areas in the office that really just brought into perspective for me: the director's office- a big room with her desk and large table for meetings with staff, the child's information staff- these are the people that get to know your child from parents to health issues, and they are the ones that take your child's photo for the packet you pick up. They are the ones that captured the image that I fell in love with. They were gracious enough to make me a Peru Sponsor Child... it was cute. The last area that really got to were the staff that read you letters and get them to you and your child. The paper you see your letter on is all them. The connection with these Compassion people was immediate; it was the fellowship of brothers and sisters of Christ coming together to love His people. Instantaneously, I fell in love with people that I didn't even consider in my time as I wrote my letters, as I printed out Smith's picture for our family wall... these people are family!

The center for children was a church with great pride as children draped the entrance with balloons, shouts, and smiles. The applause was deafening, and I was beginning to get uncomfortable. The wall up three flights of stairs to the smell of hard work awaited us as our group met with the Level 4 students (high school- my crew). As they began to share with their learned skills of beading, recycling, and cooking it was apparent that Compassion was irreplaceable. As the girl spoke of their hard labor she handed me her recycled flower, and it was at that moment that I received the hardest thing in my life receiving. I took the flower, turned away, and sobbed. It was then that another shock wave hit as the director of the school embraced me, the students embraced, and the specialness that they were giving me was what it felt like to truly receive.

I mean to seriously receive, a group that fight poverty daily, a people that think I am worthy of their gifts, and it was truly too much to bear. But with each hug I hugged harder soaking it in, allowing it to penetrate my heart, and it was then that I saw the heart of Christ in the body of a 15 year old. The waves good bye, the children sprinting after our bus desiring just one last look, and we were gone...

One heart torn in two different dimensions fighting to come together to make it whole again after the eyes have seen the human condition.

**Saturday, Sunday, Monday**

It's my Birthday, but T-Minus 3 days and off...

to Peru for seven days with 43 strangers with Compassion International. The flight is six and half hours, and we will be getting into Lima at 9:15p. The daily plans for this trip are filled with mainly children ministry through worship, skits, and fun with people that love kids. =D We will also be painting and cleaning up one of the community centers. The main thing about this trip is getting to know Compassion Peru on a personal level. When you invest your time and money on a child in this country you want to know what it is going towards and this is the beauty of Compassion. You get to go to see just what they are doing.

In my handy dandy package

I have been reading more about Compassion and their mission as an organization. They use a holistic approach to caring for these children in their programs. It is about giving educational opportunities, life skills, health care (supplemental nutrition when needed), safe and healthy recreation, and the biggest  gift they could give the chance to hear the gospel. I believe in the work that Compassion is doing, and I am sure that after this trip my belief in them will be even greater!

So, I first want to ask each of you to please pray for the 44 people that going here they are by name:
-Felicia, Emily, Sandy, & Pete Amy (Texas)
-Matthew & Pamela Brewington (Compassion Workers/CW)
-Nancy Bullard (Georgia)
-Brenda Burkett (CW)
-Stephanie Campbell (Ohio)
-Carol Carroll (Ohio)
-Christine & Lydia Clark (Pennsylvania, also they are in my Family Group)
-Robyn Dell (CW)
-Darien Evans (North Carolina)
-Kelly Heimerman (Wisconsin)
-Larry & Pamela Hodges (Alabama)
-Aislynn Holt (Florida, that's me)
-Mike Huskey (Texas)
-Rachel James (Texas)
-Margaret Jones (Nevada)
-Rodney & Jennifer Keaney (CW)
-Anna Koon & John Odom (North Carolina)
-Sheryl McGillis (CW)
-Darya Miller (Colorado)
-Katie & John Paczak (Mississippi)
-Gina & Megan Peterson (Washington)
-Heather Quinn (Louisiana)
-Shan Reed (Japan, US Missionary)
-Lyle & Beverly Riggers (Virginia)
-Susan Taylor (CW, and my roommate)
-Rachel Wilding (Nevada, and in my Family Group)
-Sean Dana (Tour Leader and my group leader)
-Liz Duckworth (Co-Leader and other group's leader)
-Christian Metzler (Compassion Photographer)
-Cristina Zavala (Peru Country Director)
-Silvia Sanchez (Prog. Comm. Manager)
-Soledad Agreda (Tours & Visits Leader)

There they are. I will be in a Family Group with Christine & Lydia Clark and Rachel Wilding. I'm trying to figure out why I was put as the leader of this group when I am sure one of these three would be incredibly better at it. I prefer being a responsible follower. We will have a translator and staff member with us, and Sean will be over us and three other groups. The other four groups will be with Liz. Sean also sent me an email telling me they were in need of a voice for the worship team, and I am still processing the way God worked that one out. If you know me, you know why I say this. Sean doesn't know me!

Our Daily Itinerary is below: 
Sunday, Sept 11- Depart for worship with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ at a local church, and short visit through the city and shopping at the local craft market

Monday, Sept 12- Depart for the Compassion Office in Lima, tour of the ministry with the opportunity to meet the staff that makes your sponsorship through Compassion possible, lunch at a local restaurant, depart for our first Child Development Center visit, PE109. We will spend some time touring the classrooms, and playing with the children.

Tuesday, Sept 13- Depart for a Child Survival Center, where we’ll meet with the mother’s and their little ones of the community, visit their homes, and learn about the help of Compassion in the community, lunch at the center with the children, in the afternoon spend some time with the children at the center, visit their classrooms, and play games.

Wednesday, Sept 14- Depart for Child Development Center, PE444. Enjoy a welcome by the children, visit with the children and their families in the community, lunch at the center with the children, depart for the hotel to get refreshed, dinner with some amazing college students who are in the Leadership Development Program. Listen as they share their stories, and how they glorify God with their lives.

Thursday, Sept 15- Sponsored Child FUN Day- The DAY you’ve all been waiting for!!! Depart for the Zoo where you’ll you’re your children.  Spend quality time with them and their guardians who traveled with them, share lunch with your child and translator. As the day comes to a close take the opportunity to pray with your child and their family. Don’t forget to ask for prayer yourself, they are might prayer worriers!

Friday, Sept 16- Painting Day- Depart for the same project we visited on Wednesday, PE444 along with PE408. Keep your hearts open to all that God can teach you as you serve with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to paint the centers. As we wrap up the projects, pray with the staff at the center, and say our last good-byes. With great memories and experiences in our hearts, we have our last dinner and debriefing, to give God the glory for this trip.

Saturday, Sept 17- Depart for the Lima airport, 7:30am Departure from Lima to Miami.

2:25pm Arrival into Miami to catch our personal domestic flights home.

I think aside from meeting my Compassion child, I am most excited to sit and talk with the students in the Leadership Development Program. I had the opportunity to do this when we took the youth group to Student Life camp the past two years. The two students that I met in the LDP were great women of God, and they were just wonderful to talk to. They are students that grew up in the Compassion program, and to see what opportunities they have had through having a sponsor is really beautiful.

Along with praying for the 44 travelers please be in prayer for the Compassion children. Reson and I have Smith (Peru) and Pataso (Thailand). They are beautiful boys, and when you get a letter in the mail from them telling you that they are succeeding in their Bible lessons and Bible memorization... you see God's plan working in their lives. It's breathtaking. Both Smith and Pataso have been asking for prayer for their fathers. For their families this is a big hit as everyone must work to make life happen. As Smith wrote us in December, "Thank you for the Birthday money, I was able to buy new shirt and shoes. I also bought bread and eggs for my family."

Today is my birthday... give the gift of opportunity to these kids! Here are our boys Smith (left) and Pataso (right):

Birthday Packing

Today is my birthday! However, that is really not the exciting part this is:

These are "some" of the things that I am taking with me to Peru in THREE days!!! I want to give a BIG BIG THANKS to my momma, my mother-in-law, Adys, Linda C, and soon if I can make it over to the hair salon Cissy and Becky for helping me gather many many of these items up. It was a short notice request, and it has been a really blessing seeing all this come together. My birthday has been greatly blessed by having people in my life that care about what I'm doing with Peru. Currently and all of it yet is:
- 4 backpacks (2 w/lunchpacks)
- 1 duffle bag
- plates and bowls
- ball pump
- soccer ball (deflated)
- 2 hats
- 2 boys' outfits
- 3 jump ropes
- 5 packs of bubbles
- 4 frisbees
- 2 infant outfits
- 10 notebooks
- 2 packs of pens
- 3 pencil keepers
- 6 boxes of crayons
- 3 bottles of lotion
- 1 tube of toothpaste (more to come)
- 8 toothbrushes
- 7 pairs of scissors
- gluesticks
- pack of construction paper
- 8 bars of soap
- packs of stickers
- hairbands, clips, and bands

Things that are to come: more handbags, coloring sheets, and towels.

There is one thing that I can do and that is pack a bag. If it wasn't for a weight limit... I know for a fact I could fit my things for the week and all this in here:

But alas... I have to consider the backs of those moving this bag off and on the plane. So, I will be taking a second bag for check-in, which is allowed and greatly being taken advantage of. =D

I will be posting again in just a second to talk about the details of the trip... stay tuned...