As I begin to start nursing Mr. Clinger, I feel my head fall back and my eyes shut hard as I sit on the couch. It is starting to catch up to me... exhaustion. My life has been one crazy story for the past few weeks. Along with dedicating my time to school and my boys, I have been helping the husband with Youth events and activities. We are trying to raise funds for our students to go to church camp. It is a small church, and none of them have experienced anything like it. Weekend after weekend, we have been doing fundraisers, yard sales, you name it... we have been doing it. This past weekend we expanded the Youth room adding space and completing a cafe area for them to eat and socialize. For a youth group that only ranged 10-12 students, we have jumped to 20-22. It has been quite an encouraging and fruitful ministry. Today, I get to just chill out at the house. It is muggy and cold outside, and I am trying to get (some) school work done with a hurt wrist. However the husband is treating me to a shopping trip that I have put off for some time. A Starbucks gift card (from Christmas) and laptop savings will be two purchases checked off my list. So, I will adventure out of the warm house this evening for much needed family time out.
It seems that even with being exhausted, I am a sucker to going out if it means I get to be with my boys. The exhaustion gets shifted to a pocket in my body that explodes out the moment I get home from activities. A mom can never truly show how exhausted she is because if she did, well... my feelings would be that nothing would get done, or I will miss out on something great. This is not the fault of anyone else but my own. The eyes are throbbing with the need of sleep, but Mr. Independent and Mr. Clinger need my love and attention. The husband goes to work in the morning, yet manages to help by cooking breakfast for our three year old. It is amazing how that one act alleviates my morning. I got to experience cooking eggs and toast just for me! On top of that, they were hot and fresh, and my coffee stayed warm!
It was a simple act, but one that allowed me to experience a nice breakfast without it overcooking or getting cold. The random deep sighs allow for a brief moment of feeling no pressure on the shoulders, and rubbing the throbbing eyes seem to make for just a few minutes of relief. Is this complaining, no. However, it is reality of the life I wanted since I was a little girl. While other high school girls chose college and single living, I chose marriage and children, and the schooling fits in when the time allows. I sit at home with two beautiful boys and only 11 weeks of school left. While friends that I graduated with graduated from college last year and are either upset that they haven't found "the one", or they are getting married as I type.
I don't envy them! I'm living my dream as a stay at home mom, with a man that I have known for over ten years, and soon receiving a college degree. I don't have to worry about the struggles of being a newlywed, or worry about finding my life partner. My dreams of being a young mom when my boys get older is satisfying and a reality. The dream continues with me driving my red convertible Corvette as a young hip grandmother, while my classmates are still dealing with teens in the home. I'm ahead of the game, and with that the exhaustion is worth it. This is not everyone's dream, but it is certainly mine. I think that what astonishes my classmates the most when they see me is that, I AM HAPPY! I am still married! I have two beautiful boys and look great(from what my husband keeps telling me)! There is nothing like showing the world that you can marry young, still be in love, have children, still get a college degree, and be satisfied with it!
The eyes and wrist hurt, the exhaustion is evident in my daily pajama attire, but that's okay because I am a mom and wife to the best three men in the world.
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